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B&A - Do you think this is scary?
I just finished editing a short story, fit for today's spooky holiday! It's one of my few stabs at horror, so I need some feedback as to whether or not it strikes that tone of fear that I'm looking for. It's a bit of a slow burn, but if you stick through you'll get the payoff!
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You are old enough to know by now that there are not monsters watching you sleep, or murderers in the bathroom while you bathe, or dark creatures behind your feet when you walk up the stairs.
You are mature and intellectual, so you know that when you're lying in bed and the power's gone out, there's nothing crouched in the closet beyond the candlelight’s reach. There's nothing behind the shower curtain, even when an odd shadow catches your eye and makes you stop and wonder what cast it. There is no hollow-eyed woman watching you from the mirror across an unlit room, even though there���s an unearthly tingle somewhere deep in your spine that tells you she’s watching.
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4 Answers
- Anonymous10 years agoFavorite Answer
Oh my goodness, that was excellent. The imagery... it was perfect. It definitely got me scared... right now I'm home alone in my computer room, with the cobweb-filled garage door right behind me. I wanted to look behind me so badly, but I couldn't because the words of this wonderful piece were sinking in, telling me not to look.
And then near the end, that sudden abrupt thought about the minivan... that's when my willpower caved in and I just had to turn around to see if anything was there.
I can tell you now, your short story certainly struck a horrifying chord. Well done. Scared out of my wits here.
o.o
- *Rachel*Lv 510 years ago
That was good!
It was scary, and not in a gory, maniac killer way, in a mental way. It was creep, and it was true (you know, getting that weird feeling then looking to see what's behind you) I loved it! I wouldn't say it's terrifying in the "I'm scared to turn off the lights now." Way, but it's one of those creepy ones that sends shiver down your spines and make you think about it.
- ?Lv 410 years ago
I like the intro, sounds like it could be pretty spooky, and def spooky thought-provoking.
Can I make a teensy suggestion?
You say "There is no hollow-eyed woman watching you .... that tells you she's watching."
Perhaps you could say "There is no hollow-eyed woman looking at you ..." because the double use of the term watching takes something away from the sentence ;)
- 10 years ago
That was "delicius". The best english Stuff ive EVER read in these boring months. Its full of halloween spirit! Im so inspires RIGHT now just to read this. You have my aprovement, now i will go ahead and write something xp...
