My wife askd me to leav our home 1 mo ago so "we could each work on our issues", (after 12yrs marriage).?

Here's what you do....

Get off the "I've met my obligations, I'm perfect" kick....and give her the space she needs. A month is not that long. You are just mad because she put her foot down and decided that something needed to change for awhile.

Do you really think that because you met your financial obligations, that's ALL you need to do? You have a marriage...and two kids. How about the emotional connection, and the compromise? Do you think that moving back in, regardless of how she feels is compromising? I think not. Do you think threatening divorce is compromising, and trying to see her side? No...all you are doing is being pushy. Give things time to cool down....and then reach out...and LISTEN TO HER! She obviously isnt feeling validated, or heard, and with your remarks, I can see why.

Try putting yourself second for awhile....and I mean REALLY putting yourself second. If you do that, you might be surprised.... you just might see the reason you married her all over again in the first place. But not until you stop thinking its all about what makes YOU comfortable and happy.

Get over yourself....and meet her in the middle for awhile. If she doesn't respond....THEN approach permanently dissolving things. Until then....keep your "I've met my obligations" ego in check!

**Edit**

Its hard to say anything different than what I have said above...because you didnt give any concrete examples of her behavior, and we haven't been present in your conversations that led up to this. BUT....I still believe that no woman would act this strongly if the man she is with has not changed how he reacts to or/treats her. There would be no reason for her to if you have not changed, or her PERCEPTION of how you treat her has not changed. I'm not saying she is innocent, I am just saying maybe you need to be the one to back off and be the adult. Work on addressing WHY this has occurred on your end first...without the "I'm perfectly meeting everything I should" kind of attitude such as you initially posted here. I think once you do that, you'll see things differently too.

I would bet there is more underneath the symptoms of your problems than incompatible work schedules, and weight gain. What has she said to you about why she is unhappy? What kind of a response has she gotten from you when she does? Once you look at that, and be honest with yourself about how YOUR actions have spoken to her, you might be able to approach the whole thing differently, thus getting a different response from her.

well you need to document the time line of events..the fact that you complied to her request and the fact that she doesn't seem interested to work on the issues at hand.

Have you thought ot asked her to see a marriage counsellor??? or do you think she's just stalling???

If there are major issues in the marriage, being apart is probably better for everyone especially if there are heated arguments and there is more fighting than kind words exchanged.

People don;t need to be married to be good parents...there are many, many single parents out there that raise, wonderfully balanced compassionate young children. Nothing scars a child more than watching heated arguments.

Ifyou feel it's necessary to divorce and move on try VERY hard not to get into the blame game...I have many friends that have divorced even after 20+ years of marriage and the ones that are most happy are the ones that don't sling mud at each other...they remain civil towards each other and ALWAYS put the kids first.

Sure things may be a bit rocky in the beginning when you are working out the details..but keeping in mind what is best for the kids first and foremost...will make it easier for everyone.

If you try to move back in against her wishes...that will definatly make the pot boil over...your communication has obviously broken down, time to get a mediator into the picture.

Have you tried offering to go to marriage counseling with her? Marriage counseling could be a big help!

If you think she is just giving you the run around (like wanting to check out other guys, etc.) then I would move back in if I were you.

If you think you did something very bad that you shouldn't have (hit her, cheated on her, etc.) and she truly needs think time, then I would give her think time and let her know that you are willing to go to counseling while she makes up her mind.

Good luck. :)

EDIT: I gave Kristin's answer a thumbs up b/c I think she has some very good points. You say that your wife gives "superficial reasons" but are you sure that the reasons are superficial in her mind? Men and women are pretty different and every person is an individual. She might be giving you the run around...or she might be sharing with you her true feelings of things that are important to her, even if they are not important to you.

If you listen and are receptive to what she says, maybe you two will be able to resolve some of your issues and she'll WANT you to move back in...

EDIT 2: It sounds like if you don't move back in, she might move someone else in if she's so into partying. :/ It's your house too, just sayin'...

Why would you have voluntarily moved out of the house. I have a friend that his wife did something similar to your situation---the difference was she made up reasons for him to vacate the house by "protective orders." He also was maintained all the financial obligations. How do you expect to "work on your issues" if you are out of the house. Personally, I think she has ulterior motives. I think you should first talk to her and tell her that you are not comfortable with being out of the house and that you don't see how you two are going to iron out your differences if you are out of the house and don't have an opportunity to express your views on "the issues." I would gauge how that conversation goes and the out come (whether she allows you to come back in the house) before talking to an attorney. Also you were rather quick to voluntarily move out after 12 years of marriage---so with that only you know "the issues" that she is speaking of and only you know if you were warranted in complying to her wishes for you to do so.. If the discussion does not go well and she is still giving superficial reasons for you to remain out of the house--then by all means talk to an attorney. If you two come to an agreement about you moving back in the house---dude don't voluntarily move out of the house again. After a period of time of being out of the house---she could cite you for abandoning the premises and you will probably have a while in getting back in the house. Good Luck!!!

Well clearly, you have the option of moving back in, but it won't resolve the issues that you have with your wife. I would first try to speak to her about marriage counseling, or have a conversation with her to see if she will share with you some of her reasons for asking you to leave. 12 years and 2 children is not something to take lightly, so I would really try to find out what's going on.

It's your house too, I would move back in. If she doesn't like that, she can leave. And I would still file for divorce in the meantime. Good luck!!

give her time, dont force anything on her it would do more harm then good, if u were good 2her dont worry she'll be back but if u were bad to her.... then thats another issue entirely.