Fractional, not factual, will you comment please?

Question

Submit to grime on quaking knees
anticipation sweat, whispering expletives
addictive aching,
abstractly thinking as the needle 
he injected, slid in, disrupting reality. 
"Tomatoes earn their blush of skin
at night." The latex tube leaves a red mark.

His knowledge of government cheese
impressive, I wish I grasped
especially the sniveling in line, waiting
like a cold that never ends, wiped on a sleeve
If only I knew as much about mustard
as he knows about give away food.
We dined with a straw and razor blade.

A lucid moment, later, seated, slumping
waking against rusting chain link
my defense in dreams, cleared now,
of home and pastures green
pies cooling on window sills
left, the thrill too soon passed
the chill omnipresent, he says "Shut up."

Choices, decisions
Beg, like him? Body worn thin,
Sell my body? Shoplifting so much
the more pleasant risk. Victoria has no secrets.
The first, a task, involved presentation
knowing again submitting. No cardboard sign
finding a vein, plunging the shared syringe.

"Gifted, Oh my, Me first?"
I primped, dovetailing my hair
spit, to slick it back, just a whim
"Am I pretty?" He laughed
handed me a minor league 
baseball cap,
then made his erotic pitch.

Glazed eyes, mouth drooling
giving up life in multiple sins
the tool still dangled from my arm
no thought then of mom, 
or what she might think, if she knew
only another form of intrusion
in this delusion, allowing

Score! Bases loaded, home run.
We did what we did on crumbling
concrete, both feeling not quite complete
always needing more, then a cheap drink
he pulled a bottle from his coat
Screw top breakfast, burning
left me wondering,

recalling, TV families,
would he return?
"Hi Honey, I'm home."
A peck on the cheek, dinner waiting
alas alone, I stumbled to stand, then composed
went searching the white collar tourist
deserting family and morals

I smiled and slipped into the front seat of a strangers car.

lovechild · Accepted Answer

An incredibly pervasive look at what empathy feels like, the knowing intimately things that we have never lived... then TBO said that about the Santa Ana winds and picked up that house, it landed on me ;like I was in OZ (again)

Pay no attention to the man behind that (ICU) curtain....

I am just glad Kansas is out there somewhere... or rather Texas...


I feel a swell of pride in me at your work, the giant leap in poetic evolution that i have been honored to witness, you Frederic, Benny,  Caz, Lisa (SNI) myself and many others have done this and become so good that others feel the raising of the bar here and therefore try even harder to reach it. Hiram was alresdy great and he evolved too but I will never catch up to that :LOL

? · Answer

Strangly it reminds me of this old song by Neil Young 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0t0EW6z8a0

not sure if that is what you were getting at but that is where my mind went, too much time in the hospital with a sick child and doctors poking and prodding.  Great as always

THE BANNIBAL ONE · Answer

Screw top breakfast,?Most times I heard the tops are thrown away.
and needles are bought from diabetics,Your poem is good,true and shows life isn't all green fields.
many times the Santa Ana winds are more descriptive.You blew me away,metaphorically speaking.
Thanks..bye

Project : Nyu~ Sunflowers are beautiful · Answer

Dallas you've outdone yourself, wonderful poem with so many amazing lines - "screw top breakfast" and "tomatoes earn their blush of skin at night" 

Phew.. Think i'll read it again...

Mike H Music Man in New Orleans · Answer

WoW - It was fantastic my friend. A snap shot at some troubled lives. Mostly of street people and drug addicts but very well written with great imagery. I am not easy to impress but this one did. I give it a 10+++++++++++++++. Thanks for sharing it.

- · Answer

Yeah, I agree with the others, this was all too gripping.
Hauntingly vivid and sad.
One would think you had been there and lived it.
Very well done.
Hit right in the heart.

(which I really don't need today)

cassie58 · Answer

Excellent fictional write here Dallas. Very well done indeed. I'd give you 2 stars if I could

Rosalinda · Answer

Hi touching poem, good write.

Scooter_The_Squirrel_Agent · Answer

Everyone said what needed to be said here. well done. Hope your Friday has been a good one hugs,.

? · Answer

Dark; it's so dark; 
and I am relieved
it's not factual.

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Fractional, not factual, will you comment please?

11 Answers