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? asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 9 years ago

The platonic other woman wants to meet me.?

5 years ago, husband split from me over the idea of her. Never made a move, she never knew his true feelings. We got back together within the month. Now, he's drifted back into her life and she is pushing him to meet me because of all the interesting things I do. (The reconciliation came with a life upgrade for me!)

I don't want her in my life, but he's running out of excuses and wants to "tell her everything". I think that is a horrible idea. Quite the pickle. Suggestions?

Since she never knew, it's not her fault, but I don't want to meet the woman my husband (of 20 years) would have left me for. Not interested.

Update:

Interesting answers. He can't cut off all contact at this point, he hired her contractually where he volunteers. Of course he sees something in her he likes, and he is very regretful of what he did because he thinks we could have been friends!

May sound strange, but we have talked about this ad nauseum, and we are at an impasse. He wants to tell her everything, and I just don't know what to do. May sound odd, but our marriage works quite well. We've discussed it, neither of us are looking for an out.

6 Answers

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  • /
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I apologize in advance if there's something I'm misunderstanding.

    It's understandable that you wouldn't want to know his 'friend'. He should know that. He also knows that running away based on the 'idea' of being with her almost destroyed your marriage (which makes no sense, in my opinion...Is he really being honest about that?) Why has he maintained a friendship with her? Why has he talked to her about what you do? I would tell him to stop making excuses and just tell her plainly that they can't be friends. Why string her along anymore...unless he's planning a second exit.

  • angelicasongs
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    hahaa WTH I'm sorry but no. I'd cuss her out before I meet her...I think there are ways to tell whether a man is married or not...yes some of them are good at hiding it but most aren't. It sounds like something is wrong in your marriage. I'm engaged but dealt with this in past relationships with female "friends" who seemed to get more attention than me...it may be you, it may be him...I can see how someone might say he might see something in her that he wants you to have...but oh well he married you the way you were right? And you've been married for 20 years. Maybe he's just bored and I don't mean sexually I mean generally. I know after a while I get bored of the same thing and after 20 years I can see how that would happen, but he should be talking to you about what he wants and what's missing in your marriage now instead of trying to find it in other women. I'd tell him he needs to cut all contact from her and if not make him go to counseling with you to see why he's doing what he's doing. Otherwise it may just end your marriage and I know that's not what you want.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Have a serious conversation with your husband, I'm surprised you have to be told to do this after 20 years of marriage.

    What excuses is he running out of? to her? why does he have to make excuses to her?

    Go set your husband straight on the rules of marriage, I think he's lost his mind and forgotten.

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Sounds like he's in the process of leaving you all over again.

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  • ?
    9 years ago

    This sounds like your faithful husband sees something in her that he wants to see in you.

    try to get over you insecurity and trust him.

    We tend to dislike those who resemble ourselves but how will you find out if you never meet.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Get in first Pooky. Give him a dose of "No You". As long as it takes to sort him, one way or another.

    He has no right to play games with your life which is what he is doing. And enjoying it too!

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