Telling wife I am gay?

Just tell her that her horrible lovemaking has drove you towards gayness.

Don't be a chicken & play games like trying to get her to break up with you. I understand the desire not to hurt & to try to avoid the scene.

I also agree with he poster who says wait until after the holidays. You've gone 7 years, what's a few more weeks at this point?

She has promised in front of her family & your whole community to love you & stand by you forever. This is bound to hit a lot of emotions, some that won't make sense to you, like she may be humiliated. Why? Emotions aren't rational. All the negative emotions & thinking she's stupid for not knowing will run through her, sooner or later.

Once you've gotten your info out ot her, take your cues from her. You've had plenty of time to come to terms with this. She has not. She has no control or say here. Another factor that leads to many negative emotions.

I'm very sorry for your situation & hers. I'm hoping there aren't children. If there are, you & your wife should seek counselling on how to best break the news to them. Kids tend to blame themselves when parents divorce, regardless of the real reasons for the divorce.

There must be aspects of this lady you love & respect greatly to have married her in the first place. Remember that. You know her better than we do. Use your knowledge of her to guide your words.

Let her be angry, cry, whatever. When she's ready for the next phase, the talking, you'll know. Don't push her. Don't give her false hope like chickening out & saying you might be bi. Pulling the band aid off quickly & cleanly is the kindest move here.

If you've remained faithful, there is no reason why a friendship cannot grow out of this down the road. If you've been unfaithful, I'd probably prefer you keep that info to yourself, but the fact of the matter is it's a health issue & she deserves to know, just maybe not as soon as you tell her. Unless she asks. Be honest then.

"Telling your wife you are gay" strikes two major questions; 1) are you sure you are gay? and 2) what do you expect to happen once you open up to her?

First, you have to ask yourself if you have no feelings towards your woman or any other woman. You might be bisexual and bored and want to be with someone different. I have nothing against you being honest to yourself and people around you, and live the life the way you want it. Nobody can hold it against you if you do not want to waste one more minute trying to be somebody else than you really are. But is that the case? or are you subconsciously trying to justify your need to be with other people than your wife by saying that you are gay?

The other question is what do you expect to happen between you after she knows that you are gay. Do you expect her to say "ok that's it" and give you a clean break? Do you expect to have an open relation in which she would allow you to satisfy your physical needs where you in some way stay loyal to her? All in all, will you do this for getting out of her life or being honest with her for the sake of saving your relation? I can't understand from your question which one it is. But I think before doing anything, you should find it out for yourself. Than you should find a gentle way to put the facts on table for her and work with her so she can understand.

If I were you, I would try to understand what my true motivation really is. Do not hesitate to ask for help from professionals. Take your time to understand what you really want.

And hell yeah, wait for the holiday season to be over!

For starters, if it's been like this for seven years I certainly wouldn't do it at Christmas time. That would be cruel. I'd wait until after New Years and then have a long talk, explaining it's not her, it's nothing she's done, and that you haven't strayed from your vows (even if you have, spare her that detail, no sense rubbing salt in that wound, this is a time where a little lie between you and the Lord is kind) and let her know no matter what happens in the future you'll always love her in some way.

As the wife of a man who had ventured into sex with men, please don't tell her yourself. It's a very hard, humiliating thing to hear. And just as I wish you hadn't found out what a jerk he is in such a shocking way, she shouldn't find out from you either. I would confront him next time he comes over (before sex, and no, don't throw his clothes in the shower), and tell him you know his real name, his wife's name, etc. and tell him he needs to tell his wife about his double life before someone else does. You can even imply that you'll be one to tell her. But, bottom line is this--for your sake, you need to take the high road. Do not do anything to him other than tell him that someone needs to tell his wife. And do not be the one to tell the wife. I know that reacting in a hurtful way will give you some initial satisfaction, but doing the right thing will give you long term satisfaction in knowing you behaved the best way you could. Good luck.

Wow, if I was married and my husband told me he was gay I would be SO upset.

You will have to be really gentle with her about it and do it really slowly. She'll probably cry, like a lot. Even if she does suspect, she'll be devastated.

Just be ready for any sort of reaction. After a little while you may become friends, but that would be way into the future.

when I was like 17 or sth my friends parents got divorced and I never knew why until last year he told me that his father came out and told his mother

she wasn't happy but now years later she re married and he is open about everything so I'm sure it 's not gonna be pleasant at first but in the long hall it's the right thing to do I think

good luck

Get her to sign a prenup first? lol good luck, and don't break her heart, 7 yrs must mean something to you and her, don't just throw it away, try to work out a way to remain close.

make sure that you are absolutely positively gay. then break it to her ever so gently because i know that if i were her i would be absolutely pissed that you had kept her as yours for seven years and decided to throw it away. she may not want to remain friends after that so dont push too hard for it.

If you don't want to break her heart try to push her and make her break up with u. So when she leaves u it won't. Hurt eaither of u. Wish u luck that's going to be hard.