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Someone pls help: Bipolar spouse.?
My husband has bipolar disorder and he is a rapid cycler. I have no friends or family around that i cant talk to and i really just need to vent and get some useful perspective and insight in how others deal with their bipolar spouses so I can deal with my situation better.
I'm having a really difficult time deal with the intense mood swings, they are happening daily, sometimes even 2-3 times in one day. He just started seroquel XR and is on day 4 of it.
Im struggling like hell not to lose my mind over here. I dont know how to deal with his back lash. One minute im the best wife in the world, im so beautiful, im so smart, im such an awesome mother and he loves me so much. The next minute im a terrible wife, i dont respect him, im not good enough here or i dont give enough there, he regrets ever having met me, our marriage is all around terrible and doomed to fail, or hes gonna cheat on me bc i cant keep up with his sexual needs, im a ****, im a *****, hes gonna leave me, yada yada yada. Nothing i ever do is good enough. I could say exactly what he wants me to say or do exactly what he wants me to do and its never good enough. He whines "i need more affection" so i show him more affection. Fail. He says show me you love me with actions, so i do that. No, thats not enough, just tell me verbally, so I say "i love you" but he scoffs at me and says he doesnt believe that i mean it. Im constantly to no end giving of myself and doing things for him to reassure him but to no avail and in return i have to defend myself to his incredibly painful remarks and hurtful behavior. On top of that, i just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I have a 3 year old to take care of. I'm stretched so thin with the giving and the giving and picking myself up and dusting myself off time and time again from his bipolar back lash. I dont know how to handle it. I dont know what the right thing to say or do is to prevent another argument or to dodge another bullet. Bc even when i think im saying or doing the wrong thing, it turns out im not. And then i just get frustrated and I want to explode on him, and sometimes i do. My nerves are shot, my patience is worn thin, i dont know how much more abuse i can take. I love him, i know i do, and when he's not in the middle of an episode hes an amazing, wonderful, loving man. I try to remind myself of his good qualities when things get really tough but its just not enough. When things calm down again its easy to tell myself that its ok, ill get better at handling his disease and this medicine will kick in soon and some "normalcy" will be re-established. But then I'm scared to death to think that what if it doesnt get better, and i dont know if i can deal with this for the rest of my life. I dont want to be miserable, but i am. It's really really hard to stay positive in this kind of situation and i cant imagine living my life either feeling this way or walking on egg shells to avoid feeling this way. But we have two beautiful babies together and I really dont want to walk away.
What are some of your experiences and ways of coping with your bipolar spouses? How do you protect yourself from them and what do you say or do in this situation to avoid making things worse?
3 Answers
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
Continued from your other question in mental health:
Make sure that he is getting omega fatty acids in his diet. This has saved my life. Those fats are needed to produce neuro transmitters such as dopimine and seretonin. Since bipolar is related to low levels of these transmitters, anything that helps produce it helps. Fresh fruit and veggies also help. The seroquel may cause him to gain some weight, so be prepared for that as well.
Are you familiar with the two sides to bipolar? Both are dangerous, and both are best to be avoided.
First, there is mania. I like to call is Charlie Sheen syndrome. It is when you feel greeeeeeeeeeat, fantastic. You could be homeless and still be the happiest you've ever been. Everyone around you is so deep and beautiful and wonderful. Sex and love is all you want. Oh! And you're gonna fix the furnace! And start a pizza business! A lot of people who met me when I was manic thought I was addicted to cocaine. Not surprisingly, people love mania. Mania is onset by excitement (fire works, strip clubs, concerts, light shows, things that stimulate your senses) excessive drinking (if your husband is bipolar, he shouldn't drink, period) opiate usage, marijuana. Side note: Every person I have known with bipolar CANNOT and absolulely SHOULD not use marijuana. It changes your brain chemistry, makes you prone to acting out, causes hallucinations and can trigger psychosis. If you want any more info on that, feel free to email me. Many people with bipolar become addicted to methanphetamines or cocaine to constantly feel manic. Many musicians have bipolar, and find the stage leading up to mania to be a very creative space. Kurt Kobain was bipolar, so is Anthony Kiedis from Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Sometimes rhyming is a symptom.
Depression is a monster we're all a little more familiar with. I'm sure you've seen it. Endless crying, rage, unable to shower or eat, getting out of bed is torture. Things that can trigger this are substance abuse, not eating properly, the list goes on.
Sleep is so very, very important. I'm sure you've noticed when your husband is up he can pull all nighters no problem, and when he's down, he'll sleep late. Get on a regular sleep schedule (as regular as you can with a new born) try going to bed at the same time and waking up. If he doesn't want to go to bed, ask him to just lay down for a few minutes.
That's all I can think of for now. You sound like you really love this man and I'm happy you're there for him. Oh, I can recommend a book, it's called The Bipolar Relationship, it's got a white cover and some AMAZING advice for couples. I really hope this helps, like I said, if you feel like talking you can email me.
Source(s): dorkshire at gmail dot com - ?Lv 49 years ago
Lets hope when the meds start kicking in he calms down some. It may take a few weeks for that drug to really show imporovement so make sure he sticks with it and doesnt give up taking it cos he feels its not working. If theres no noticable change in say a month or 6 weeks, go back to the doc and switch to something else, cos sometimes you have to shop around for a treatment that works well for this condition. Frustrating but keep searching. Meanwhile, poor you. It sounds like a nightmare. Im sure youre already doing it, but work real hard on steeling yourself emotionally against his onslaughts. He may be ill, but he still has responsiblity. He knows when he feels a rage coming on and its his business to deal with that without lashing out at you, just as if he had a physical illness that you may catch. Its hard to feel sympathy for him, if he thinks his moods swings are bad, he should try having his body go through childbirth! Does he have a therapist? Find him one. then he can someone else to shout at when he feels the need (bet he wont shout though, bet youre his easy target for that). Then next time he flips out calmly hand him his doctors phone number and say "Tell him about it, I cant help you anymore. Get a professional to help you because Im not qualified to handle your symptoms". Theres support groups online and in the community, make use of them so you will not feel so isolated. Set some boundaries because you know what, Im thinking no one else sees this behaviour, not his folks, not his boss, not his buds. Next flip out, tell him to calm down and stop acting like a ****, get in the car and go out for an hour. Just get away from it for abit. He has no excuse to treat you like crap, bi polar or no. He needs to step up and be responsible for his well being, and his emotions.
- Anonymous9 years ago
If your husband had a potentially fatal illness, you'd find more about it, right?
and he'd do more too, I think to find the best treatment possible.
well, he does.
You have no clue what it really is, and I don't think he does either.
Get educated.
Nobody should ever have to apologies for being bipolar. nobody should ever have to use it as an excuse either.
