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My husband has schizoaffective bipolar disorder. When we first got together, i was unaware of the "schizoaffective" part of his diagnosis. I was under the impression for years that he was simply "bipolar". Our relationship as been an insane struggle from start to finish and its finally reached the point of no return for me. We recently separated, we have a 2 year old daughter together and I have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship. I met with a lawyer last week and informed him of the situation, my husbands mental illness and some of his erratic behavior as of lately. When my husband and I discuss divorce, we've talked about agreeing on 50/50 joint custody and visitation. Cut and dry, sign the papers and be done with it. However, there have been a couple incidents since the separation where he has threatened my life, told my son he hates me while i was within ear shot, refused to give the kids back to me over a utility bill and his anger and mood swings are out of control, but he does have moments where he seems normal, logical, rational and calm. This is just to name a few things I've experienced with him, the list could go on for days.

My lawyer advised me to file for sole custody of our daughter because of his mental illness. He said if my husband was awarded joint custody and went manic (as he has in the past three times, all involved hospitalization) then I would have no control or protection of my daughter in the event of episode and that it would be difficult to undo a ruling and convince a judge that I should be awarded immediate sole custody of her in the event that he falls ill again with his disorder.

However, filing for sole custody would involve me having to expose all his medical records that would show how he was declared severely mentally ill, on SSI disability, hospitalized with psychosis 3 times and previously petitioned to go before the board of mental health, was psychologically evaluated and court ordered to receive treatment and therapy.

My lawyer said the process would include another petition for him to go before the board of mental health for another psych eval, he'd have to take a 4 hour parenting class and be deemed fit or unfit to have visitation with the kids. In which case, a social worker would most likely have to surprise his visitation with them until a judge ruled otherwise.

I'm conflicted because I do believe it is in my daughters best interest for me to have sole custody in the event that her father were to fall ill again and not be of sound mind. But I do not believe him to be unfit to have visitation and the thought of supervised visits breaks my heart, because I dont feel like he deserves that. I do think he needs to seek treatment and get on medication but I cant trust him to take care of that on his own. He is a ticking time bomb and one part of me worries about him going on while he has the kids, and the other part of me says my kids are fine in his care.

I'm paralyzed with what decision to make. I dont want things to get really ugly and nasty. He will never understand that my decision to file for sole custody is strictly to protect my daughter in case he gets ill any time in the future. I'm paralyzed because I dont like the idea of him not getting to see his kids during the process or how he might react when he gets served with papers as he will not be expected to see any order for sole custody.

I would appreciate any feedback, knowledge, advise or insight. Thank you.

My husband has schizoaffective bipolar disorder. When we first got together, i was unaware of the "schizoaffective" part of his diagnosis. I was under the impression for years that he was simply "bipolar". Our relationship as been an insane struggle from start to finish and its finally reached the point of no return for me. We recently separated, we have a 2 year old daughter together and I have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship. I met with a lawyer last week and informed him of the situation, my husbands mental illness and some of his erratic behavior as of lately. When my husband and I discuss divorce, we've talked about agreeing on 50/50 joint custody and visitation. Cut and dry, sign the papers and be done with it. However, there have been a couple incidents since the separation where he has threatened my life, told my son he hates me while i was within ear shot, refused to give the kids back to me over a utility bill and his anger and mood swings are out of control, but he does have moments where he seems normal, logical, rational and calm. This is just to name a few things I've experienced with him, the list could go on for days.

My lawyer advised me to file for sole custody of our daughter because of his mental illness. He said if my husband was awarded joint custody and went manic (as he has in the past three times, all involved hospitalization) then I would have no control or protection of my daughter in the event of episode and that it would be difficult to undo a ruling and convince a judge that I should be awarded immediate sole custody of her in the event that he falls ill again with his disorder.

However, filing for sole custody would involve me having to expose all his medical records that would show how he was declared severely mentally ill, on SSI disability, hospitalized with psychosis 3 times and previously petitioned to go before the board of mental health, was psychologically evaluated and court ordered to receive treatment and therapy.

My lawyer said the process would include another petition for him to go before the board of mental health for another psych eval, he'd have to take a 4 hour parenting class and be deemed fit or unfit to have visitation with the kids. In which case, a social worker would most likely have to surprise his visitation with them until a judge ruled otherwise.

I'm conflicted because I do believe it is in my daughters best interest for me to have sole custody in the event that her father were to fall ill again and not be of sound mind. But I do not believe him to be unfit to have visitation and the thought of supervised visits breaks my heart, because I dont feel like he deserves that. I do think he needs to seek treatment and get on medication but I cant trust him to take care of that on his own. He is a ticking time bomb and one part of me worries about him going on while he has the kids, and the other part of me says my kids are fine in his care.

I'm paralyzed with what decision to make. I dont want things to get really ugly and nasty. He will never understand that my decision to file for sole custody is strictly to protect my daughter in case he gets ill any time in the future. I'm paralyzed because I dont like the idea of him not getting to see his kids during the process or how he might react when he gets served with papers as he will not be expected to see any order for sole custody.

I would appreciate any feedback, knowledge, advise or insight. Thank you.

My husband has schizoaffective bipolar disorder and currently I am convinced that he is in the middle of an episode. He started smoking weed heavily a couple of months ago (which we both know can throw him into mania, as it has every time in the past) His mood swings are fluctuating from one extreme the other several times in just one day. I thought about discussing all his symptoms but that would make this question extremely long. In short, when he is on the downside of his mood swings, he down right hates me. He makes heinous comments to me that are verbally and mentally abusive. He likes to share with me all the things he thinks is wrong with me and how i need to change myself in order for this marriage to work. One minute he is happy and satisfied with me and his life and the next he wants to separate or divorce and I am everything that is wrong with him and what he thinks is wrong with his life. I'm to blame for all of it, in his opinion. Recently he has been manically posting our "dirty laundry" on facebook for all our friends and family to see, basically attempting to destroy my image and character when he is in the down swing of his moods. When he is on the upswing, he will go back and delete his posts or apologize for posting his drama, yada yada yada.

It gets worse.... He booked himself an impulsive trip to the Florida keys and is currently there, snorkeling, skydiving, staying in an elite hotel, going to strip clubs and being down right destructive. I found an email of his where he was trying to get some girl to fly down and meet him there so they could "screw on the beach". He has blown through thousands of dollars of our savings and moved the rest into a bank account that i cannot touch. He had left me and our two children with $52 in the bank... Fortunately, I was able to get him to put some of the money back, which i then moved into an account that he cant touch. The entire time he has been in Florida, he has still been texting me, calling me, and messaging me on facebook. One message he seems calm and collected, then the next message he is falsely accusing me of things like cheating, or threatening me and saying down right hurtful things. I honestly think the only reason he even has moments of calm "normalcy" is because he has ativan that he takes when he feels he needs it... Obviously it's not a preventative drug, and its the only drug he is using to manage his disorder.

The couple times that I've been able to talk to him while he was "normal" I feel like I was able to get through to him that he may be going manic and that he is rapid cycling like it's nobodies business and that I think he needs to seek treatment as soon as he gets home. In those moments, he says he can agree, and that it all makes sense and that he will get treatment when he gets back. But there have been a couple times when he has texted me after a "normal" conversation, saying things like "f**k you, my feelings are justified, you're just using my disorder against me so that you dont have to take responsibility for your own actions".

He moves into his own apartment in a couple days and he is still talking as if this separation is going to be temporary and that in a couple months we will get back together after we take some space. This is where I'm faced with my struggle. For the few years that we've been together, I was always able to tell myself that as long as he managed his disorder, we would be fine, bc when he is in a good place, he's an awesome person and I love that person. But now I am considering that maybe I dont want to be faced with issues this extreme for the rest of my life. That I cant always trust him to manage his disorder, or that he wont have episodes of mania again in the future, and I just dont know if I have any more strength or desire to endure that kind of nightmare again. I love him but I dont feel like i deserve a life faced with these issues constantly.

Have any of you been married to or been in a relationship with someone with a mental/mood/personality disorder? If so, how did/do you manage it and is it even possible to build a lasting relationship with someone who is sick with this, or is separating the ultimate result?

The 411- My husband and I got together when my son from a previous relationship was just about to turn 2. Over the course of time, my son decided on his own to call my husband "Daddy". We did not influence this nor did we punish him for doing it. We started explaining to him from the get go who was who in his life. His real father has always been active in his life. He hasn't been the most responsible parent, I have always considered him more of a play-mate than anything. It's my husband, my son's step-dad, who has stepped up to the plate and played the responsible father role. We have and always have had full custody and primary care provider rights. My son lives with us 90% of the time.

The problem I run into with this issue, naturally, is that my son's bio-father absolutely hates the fact that my son calls his step-dad "dad" and he has created a lot of confrontation (in front of my son) over the fact. On the other hand, my husband get's hurt and bothered when my son chooses to call him something other than "dad". My husband, being a bit more mature, wont display his feelings about it in front of or toward my son, but it creates tension between him and I and sometimes we argue because of it. He always thinks the only reason for my son choosing to call him anything other dad is the result of mind manipulation from his bio-dad. Which may and may not always be true.

It is my (our) belief that a child will choose how to identify important people in his/her life and that shouldn't be influenced nor should it be punished. I can see my son's bio-dad's point of view on the situation but I can also see my son's point of view AND my husbands point of view. I do not believe in reprimanding my son for calling his stepdad "dad". If that's how he see's him, that's his right. We've explained to him several times what the differences are between his stepdad and his bio-dad.

My husband and I also have a daughter together so my husband is always referred to as "daddy" and that will never change, as I call him "daddy" too.

I know there are a lot of children being raised in blended families as divorce and separation rates are higher than ever. It's more common place for a child to have one or more step-parents so I feel like this is a very common problem. I was also in the same situation as a child and for awhile I referred to my fathers as Daddy Keith and Daddy Mark and fluctuated back and forth between calling them by name and calling them dad until i eventually decided to just call them both "dad". My son also has a step-mother (and step-siblings) and I know he has called her "mom" and honestly it does not bother me one bit bc I know who I am and I dont have any insecurities about that.

I'm just curious to see how others affected with the same issue handle it.

My husband has bipolar disorder and he is a rapid cycler. I have no friends or family around that i cant talk to and i really just need to vent and get some useful perspective and insight in how others deal with their bipolar spouses so I can deal with my situation better.

I'm having a really difficult time deal with the intense mood swings, they are happening daily, sometimes even 2-3 times in one day. He just started seroquel XR and is on day 4 of it.

Im struggling like hell not to lose my mind over here. I dont know how to deal with his back lash. One minute im the best wife in the world, im so beautiful, im so smart, im such an awesome mother and he loves me so much. The next minute im a terrible wife, i dont respect him, im not good enough here or i dont give enough there, he regrets ever having met me, our marriage is all around terrible and doomed to fail, or hes gonna cheat on me bc i cant keep up with his sexual needs, im a ****, im a *****, hes gonna leave me, yada yada yada. Nothing i ever do is good enough. I could say exactly what he wants me to say or do exactly what he wants me to do and its never good enough. He whines "i need more affection" so i show him more affection. Fail. He says show me you love me with actions, so i do that. No, thats not enough, just tell me verbally, so I say "i love you" but he scoffs at me and says he doesnt believe that i mean it. Im constantly to no end giving of myself and doing things for him to reassure him but to no avail and in return i have to defend myself to his incredibly painful remarks and hurtful behavior. On top of that, i just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I have a 3 year old to take care of. I'm stretched so thin with the giving and the giving and picking myself up and dusting myself off time and time again from his bipolar back lash. I dont know how to handle it. I dont know what the right thing to say or do is to prevent another argument or to dodge another bullet. Bc even when i think im saying or doing the wrong thing, it turns out im not. And then i just get frustrated and I want to explode on him, and sometimes i do. My nerves are shot, my patience is worn thin, i dont know how much more abuse i can take. I love him, i know i do, and when he's not in the middle of an episode hes an amazing, wonderful, loving man. I try to remind myself of his good qualities when things get really tough but its just not enough. When things calm down again its easy to tell myself that its ok, ill get better at handling his disease and this medicine will kick in soon and some "normalcy" will be re-established. But then I'm scared to death to think that what if it doesnt get better, and i dont know if i can deal with this for the rest of my life. I dont want to be miserable, but i am. It's really really hard to stay positive in this kind of situation and i cant imagine living my life either feeling this way or walking on egg shells to avoid feeling this way. But we have two beautiful babies together and I really dont want to walk away.

What are some of your experiences and ways of coping with your bipolar spouses? How do you protect yourself from them and what do you say or do in this situation to avoid making things worse?

My husband has bipolar disorder and he is a rapid cycler. I have no friends or family around that i cant talk to and i really just need to vent and get some useful perspective and insight in how others deal with their bipolar spouses so I can deal with my situation better.

I'm having a really difficult time deal with the intense mood swings, they are happening daily, sometimes even 2-3 times in one day. He just started seroquel XR and is on day 4 of it.

Im struggling like hell not to lose my mind over here. I dont know how to deal with his back lash. One minute im the best wife in the world, im so beautiful, im so smart, im such an awesome mother and he loves me so much. The next minute im a terrible wife, i dont respect him, im not good enough here or i dont give enough there, he regrets ever having met me, our marriage is all around terrible and doomed to fail, or hes gonna cheat on me bc i cant keep up with his sexual needs, im a ****, im a *****, hes gonna leave me, yada yada yada. Nothing i ever do is good enough. I could say exactly what he wants me to say or do exactly what he wants me to do and its never good enough. He whines "i need more affection" so i show him more affection. Fail. He says show me you love me with actions, so i do that. No, thats not enough, just tell me verbally, so I say "i love you" but he scoffs at me and says he doesnt believe that i mean it. Im constantly to no end giving of myself and doing things for him to reassure him but to no avail and in return i have to defend myself to his incredibly painful remarks and hurtful behavior. On top of that, i just had a baby 8 weeks ago and I have a 3 year old to take care of. I'm stretched so thin with the giving and the giving and picking myself up and dusting myself off time and time again from his bipolar back lash. I dont know how to handle it. I dont know what the right thing to say or do is to prevent another argument or to dodge another bullet. Bc even when i think im saying or doing the wrong thing, it turns out im not. And then i just get frustrated and I want to explode on him, and sometimes i do. My nerves are shot, my patience is worn thin, i dont know how much more abuse i can take. I love him, i know i do, and when he's not in the middle of an episode hes an amazing, wonderful, loving man. I try to remind myself of his good qualities when things get really tough but its just not enough. When things calm down again its easy to tell myself that its ok, ill get better at handling his disease and this medicine will kick in soon and some "normalcy" will be re-established. But then I'm scared to death to think that what if it doesnt get better, and i dont know if i can deal with this for the rest of my life. I dont want to be miserable, but i am. It's really really hard to stay positive in this kind of situation and i cant imagine living my life either feeling this way or walking on egg shells to avoid feeling this way. But we have two beautiful babies together and I really dont want to walk away.

What are some of your experiences and ways of coping with your bipolar spouses? How do you protect yourself from them and what do you say or do in this situation to avoid making things worse?

He works hard to provide for his family. He helps out with the children. He's a great daddy. He's loving and faithful and he values his marriage and his family. He's affectionate and considerate, for the most part. He is humorous and has a great personality, for the most part. He's romantic and thoughtful and compliments his wife often.

But he is also has communication issues and sexual issues. When he is frustrated, he speaks his mind without censorship, saying very hurtful things sometimes even deliberately bc he knows it will hurt. He has a sense of entitlement when it comes to sex and when his sexual needs arent being met, he becomes frustrated and irritable to the point of instigating arguments and threats of acting on his wandering eyes and sexual urges. He becomes very selfish, losing all consideration and compassion as to how his wife may feel, what she is uncomfortable doing, or the fact that she just had a baby weeks ago and may not be ready for sex bc it is painful. He persists even when told "no."

It's sort of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One minute he is the perfect husband and father, then like a switch being flipped, he is just the opposite.

Take the bad in with the good or sacrifice it all bc the bad isnt worth it?

I just had a baby 6 weeks ago and my husband is having a very hard time with the transition and how it affects our sex life and relationship. We fight a lot, theres a lot of misunderstanding and frustration surging back and forth between us and I am at my wits end. I'm ranting here on yahoo bc i have no one else to talk to. Cant talk to family bc im estranged from most of them and I cant tell the ones im close to in fear they will judge us and lose respect for one or both of us. I have no friends that have been in the same boat that can offer any advice or insight.

So im just gonna throw all caution to the wind and let it all out.

When hes not getting laid, hes a straight up asshole. He loses all ability to reason and think logically. He starts fights with me and accuses me of not having sexual feelings for him anymore, he says hurtful things like "had he known we'd have these sexual issues, he woulda never initiated this relationship even if it meant losing his family" he has straight up told me he doesnt like me. He has no censor on his lip and he's compulsive with his thoughts. He lets me know i dont meet his sexual standards and he wants more of this and more of that, so i try to give him more of this or more of that or try things im uncomfortable doing just to make him happy but he knows i dont like it, so "its still unsatisfying". He has straight up told me (weeks after having his baby) that bc i dont meet his sexual needs, he has developed a wandering eye and he thinks about cheating on me.

I have woken up several times in the morning to him groping me and tryin to shove himself inside while my stitches were still healing. I would ask him to stop, he would say why, i would tell him why, numerous times, and he'd still be thrusting himself onto me even after i tell him.

We have had sit downs where i have spelled it out for him plain as day whats going on with me sexually in a mental, emotional and physical way and he seems to understand and be compassionate about it, until his next ***** where he then again loses all ability to THINK.

I finally got myself to a place where i was ready to try having sex. We have tried it three times and it has hurt incredibly bad all three times. This last time resulted in another big fight where he let me know it didnt make sense to him HOW this could hurt for me bc my stitches have healed, hes accused me of not having sexual feelings for him and that im only responding to sex this way bc of that and i am so incredibly frustrated and exhausted with tryin to explain how sex feels like for me after having a baby. He claims to have talked to other people who's sex lives returned to normal by this time and everything was hunky dory for those people, and once again i am this odd, weird, rare person who isnt jumping right back on the horse after such a huge, life changing experience.

Aside from this, we are both well aware that we have communication issues and we are both seeing therapists to learn ways to communicate and cope with things better but help doesnt come fast enough.

How was it for all of you after you had your babies, how did your husbands respond and is there any freaking hope that this will pass? Is there any kind of useful advise? I love my husband and I know he loves me and i dont want our marriage to fail.

I just had a baby 6 weeks ago and my husband is having a very hard time with the transition and how it affects our sex life and relationship. We fight a lot, theres a lot of misunderstanding and frustration surging back and forth between us and I am at my wits end. I'm ranting here on yahoo bc i have no one else to talk to. Cant talk to family bc im estranged from most of them and I cant tell the ones im close to in fear they will judge us and lose respect for one or both of us. I have no friends that have been in the same boat that can offer any advice or insight.

So im just gonna throw all caution to the wind and let it all out.

When hes not getting laid, hes a straight up asshole. He loses all ability to reason and think logically. He starts fights with me and accuses me of not having sexual feelings for him anymore, he says hurtful things like "had he known we'd have these sexual issues, he woulda never initiated this relationship even if it meant losing his family" he has straight up told me he doesnt like me. He has no censor on his lip and he's compulsive with his thoughts. He lets me know i dont meet his sexual standards and he wants more of this and more of that, so i try to give him more of this or more of that or try things im uncomfortable doing just to make him happy but he knows i dont like it, so "its still unsatisfying". He has straight up told me (weeks after having his baby) that bc i dont meet his sexual needs, he has developed a wandering eye and he thinks about cheating on me.

I have woken up several times in the morning to him groping me and tryin to shove himself inside while my stitches were still healing. I would ask him to stop, he would say why, i would tell him why, numerous times, and he'd still be thrusting himself onto me even after i tell him.

We have had sit downs where i have spelled it out for him plain as day whats going on with me sexually in a mental, emotional and physical way and he seems to understand and be compassionate about it, until his next ***** where he then again loses all ability to THINK.

I finally got myself to a place where i was ready to try having sex. We have tried it three times and it has hurt incredibly bad all three times. This last time resulted in another big fight where he let me know it didnt make sense to him HOW this could hurt for me bc my stitches have healed, hes accused me of not having sexual feelings for him and that im only responding to sex this way bc of that and i am so incredibly frustrated and exhausted with tryin to explain how sex feels like for me after having a baby. He claims to have talked to other people who's sex lives returned to normal by this time and everything was hunky dory for those people, and once again i am this odd, weird, rare person who isnt jumping right back on the horse after such a huge, life changing experience.

Aside from this, we are both well aware that we have communication issues and we are both seeing therapists to learn ways to communicate and cope with things better but help doesnt come fast enough.

How was it for all of you after you had your babies, how did your husbands respond and is there any freaking hope that this will pass? Is there any kind of useful advise? I love my husband and I know he loves me and i dont want our marriage to fail.

Is it considered a "no show" and reasonable cause to fire someone if you do not have a work schedule made and call them 1 hour before the next shift to ask them if they are coming in, without any prior notice, and they say no? This is not an "on call" or mandating type job. Can they fire you if you say no?

And also, is it illegal or in violation of any codes if an employer refuses to fire you so he doesnt have to pay you unemployment yet reduces the hours on your schedule to almost nothing?

Is it considered a "no show" and reasonable cause to fire someone if you do not have a work schedule made and call them 1 hour before the next shift to ask them if they are coming in, without any prior notice, and they say no? This is not an "on call" or mandating type job. Can they fire you if you say no?

And also, is it illegal or in violation of any codes if an employer refuses to fire you so he doesnt have to pay you unemployment yet reduces the hours on your schedule to almost nothing?

This will be a long read, so please only answer if you plan to invest the time in reading thoroughly and have useful, knowledgeable answers to give.

Here are the facts:

I am a full time employee for an independently owned America's Best Value hotel in ILLINOIS that employs far less than 50 people

I work 72-88 hours in which i get paid twice monthly

I and others do not receive any benefits of any kind and that includes: Sick days, vacation days, raises, breaks during shifts, paid maternity leave and even sometimes honored requested days off.

Here are the problems:

We are required to perform managerial tasks with minimum wage pay.

We do not get paid overtime, we do not get paid for the time for when we stay at work late or come in early.

We work 8 hour shifts with absolutely NO breaks

We are NEVER paid on time or in a timely manner, we have waited as long as 5 days for pay checks. He also never informs us when pay checks arrive or calls when we ask to be called when they are ready.

Rather than putting work schedules up in advance, he posts them days late, leaving us to wonder when we work next and having to call in daily, numerous times a day to learn when we will work next.

I am aware of 3 housekeepers who have (and currently still do) work for him whom of which are foreigners without visas, whom of which get paid cash under the table, 2 of which LIVE in the hotel for free.

He pays one housekeeper a portion of her wages cash under the table and subtracts times from her paycheck so that he does not have to pay her. For example, if she works 6 hrs and 32 minutes, she does not get paid for the 32 minutes of time.

He chooses how he wants to pay housekeepers. Some get paid hourly and some get paid by room. There is no equality.

I told him before he hired me that I was absolutely not willing to work what I call "flip shifts" meaning working the night shift and then having to be back to work the next morning for the next shift. Now I am pregnant, suffering from insomnia and he has scheduled me to be at work at 7:30 am after just finishing my last shift at 11:30 pm. He has ignored my numerous requests, even after telling him my doctor does not recommend such an insufficient amount of time off work between shifts as it does not allow me to get enough rest.

I know that he has been under investigation by the Department of Labor for not paying former employees their rightful wages in the past.

I also know that he weasels his way out of having to pay unemployment to former employees. I know this bc he has had me write up documents to the employment office with reasons as to why he will not and should not pay them unemployment.

Not only is he a terrible boss, but he is a terrible customer service provider in terms of taking care of customers, meeting their needs, resolving issues or just flat out CARING. He does not take care of issues, keep maintenance on the building, resolve disgruntled customer's issues, etc etc etc. He leaves it up to us to do his job for only 8.25 an hour and then complains about HOW we handled the issue, when they shouldn't be our responsibility to handle in the first place.

I am asking bc I have addressed some of these concerns and issues with him recently, expressing my frustration and asking that he resolve these issues in a timely manner bc it is making MY job nearly impossible to do between resolving HIS problems and dealing with frustrated customers, and completing tasks that others should have completed during THEIR shifts. When I expressed these concerns to him, he told me i have no right to be frustrated bc there are no issues, that im the only one that has a problem, that he doesnt like how i resolve these issues (that shouldnt be my responsibility to resolve in the first place) he asked me when i was going to put my two weeks notice in. I told him that i was not quitting, that the issues i have could easily be resolved he was willing to cooperate as a businessman and employer and do HIS job so that I could do mine and that if he didnt want me to work there he would have to fire me. He told me he wasnt going to fire me but that not to worry, he wasnt going to give me a single penny either. Im assuming of course he wont fire me bc wouldnt that make me eligible for unemployment? I have a feeling hes just going to cut my hours and push me to quit so that he wouldnt have to pay me unemployment. It is also the end of the work schedule and I do not know when ill be schedule next and I can guarentee you he will not call to inform me either.

What are my rights here? How should I handle this and where do I go, who do i talk to to handle it?

This will be a long read, so please only answer if you plan to invest the time in reading thoroughly and have useful, knowledgeable answers to give.

Here are the facts:

I am a full time employee for an independently owned America's Best Value hotel in ILLINOIS that employs far less than 50 people

I work 72-88 hours in which i get paid twice monthly

I and others do not receive any benefits of any kind and that includes: Sick days, vacation days, raises, breaks during shifts, paid maternity leave and even sometimes honored requested days off.

Here are the problems:

We are required to perform managerial tasks with minimum wage pay.

We do not get paid overtime, we do not get paid for the time for when we stay at work late or come in early.

We work 8 hour shifts with absolutely NO breaks

We are NEVER paid on time or in a timely manner, we have waited as long as 5 days for pay checks. He also never informs us when pay checks arrive or calls when we ask to be called when they are ready.

Rather than putting work schedules up in advance, he posts them days late, leaving us to wonder when we work next and having to call in daily, numerous times a day to learn when we will work next.

I am aware of 3 housekeepers who have (and currently still do) work for him whom of which are foreigners without visas, whom of which get paid cash under the table, 2 of which LIVE in the hotel for free.

He pays one housekeeper a portion of her wages cash under the table and subtracts times from her paycheck so that he does not have to pay her. For example, if she works 6 hrs and 32 minutes, she does not get paid for the 32 minutes of time.

He chooses how he wants to pay housekeepers. Some get paid hourly and some get paid by room. There is no equality.

I told him before he hired me that I was absolutely not willing to work what I call "flip shifts" meaning working the night shift and then having to be back to work the next morning for the next shift. Now I am pregnant, suffering from insomnia and he has scheduled me to be at work at 7:30 am after just finishing my last shift at 11:30 pm. He has ignored my numerous requests, even after telling him my doctor does not recommend such an insufficient amount of time off work between shifts as it does not allow me to get enough rest.

I know that he has been under investigation by the Department of Labor for not paying former employees their rightful wages in the past.

I also know that he weasels his way out of having to pay unemployment to former employees. I know this bc he has had me write up documents to the employment office with reasons as to why he will not and should not pay them unemployment.

Not only is he a terrible boss, but he is a terrible customer service provider in terms of taking care of customers, meeting their needs, resolving issues or just flat out CARING. He does not take care of issues, keep maintenance on the building, resolve disgruntled customer's issues, etc etc etc. He leaves it up to us to do his job for only 8.25 an hour and then complains about HOW we handled the issue, when they shouldn't be our responsibility to handle in the first place.

I am asking bc I have addressed some of these concerns and issues with him recently, expressing my frustration and asking that he resolve these issues in a timely manner bc it is making MY job nearly impossible to do between resolving HIS problems and dealing with frustrated customers, and completing tasks that others should have completed during THEIR shifts. When I expressed these concerns to him, he told me i have no right to be frustrated bc there are no issues, that im the only one that has a problem, that he doesnt like how i resolve these issues (that shouldnt be my responsibility to resolve in the first place) he asked me when i was going to put my two weeks notice in. I told him that i was not quitting, that the issues i have could easily be resolved he was willing to cooperate as a businessman and employer and do HIS job so that I could do mine and that if he didnt want me to work there he would have to fire me. He told me he wasnt going to fire me but that not to worry, he wasnt going to give me a single penny either. Im assuming of course he wont fire me bc wouldnt that make me eligible for unemployment? I have a feeling hes just going to cut my hours and push me to quit so that he wouldnt have to pay me unemployment. It is also the end of the work schedule and I do not know when ill be schedule next and I can guarentee you he will not call to inform me either.

What are my rights here? How should I handle this and where do I go, who do i talk to to handle it?

My son will be 3 at the beginning of june and he still prefers baby babble over worded sentences. He has good days and bad days. Sometimes he talks a lot and sometimes he acts like he doesnt know a word of english nor can he UNDERSTAND a word of english. its like he talks when he wants to and plays stupid when he doesnt want to. When he wants a doughnut or something, he whines for it, despite my many efforts to try to tell him when hes ready to say "can i have a doughnut PLEASE?" then I will give him what he wants. I'll walk away and ignore his whines but he still acts as if he doesnt understand my request to use words to get what he wants. I think the fact that he is almost 3 and still not talkin llike most 3 year olds is a big red flag. He is an only child, we dont know many people with children around his age, the ones we do know are younger and we notice he mimics a lot of the younger kids behavior which hinders his development. We dont have him in daycare because its too expensive and Illinois has cut state funded preschool programs, so now u have to either pass a screening saying your child is under developed and NEEDS daycare, otherwise they have to wait until they are 4 or 5 to start school. I think his speech problem would qualify him for an earlier education but i was just wondering if there are other parents who have the same problem or if anyone knows how i can solve this problem at home too. What am i doing wrong?

What happens if the parent, the primary care provider, of which the non-marital child primarily resides with decides to move out of state when no custody has been issued to either parent. If the parent lived in the state of IL and moved out of state with the child and legally resides in the new state. What if the other parent tried to take her to court when she has already become a resident of the new state?

Child custody and removal across state lines?

I live in the state of Illinois. I have a 3 year old child born out of wedlock and I am about to take my ex to court for sole custody/ visitation for him, no child support. He's informed me that he will be moving out of state within the month. He'll be moving roughly between 90-100 mi away and expects me to pay half the transportation costs. He is not moving for employment reasons, he is moving at will to move in with his new girlfriend who currently resides there. I reside in his hometown, which is not my hometown, where i have remained in attempt to keep our son in close proximity to his father even though it has been less than a desirable location in terms of employment, education and all around opportunity. My son has been primarily in my care for the last two years. His father visits him inconsistently, usually when its most convenient for him, with no specific set days or times, just when he's ready to take him for a couple days. Sometimes he see's him weekly, sometimes he goes 2 + weeks without seeing him at all. He has not paid child support or offered any financial assistance for anything. I provide all things, including babysitting fee's and day care. He is currently unemployed, has a very unstable, unreliable employment history and has been unemployed most of the time for the past 3 years of my sons life. He has relocated 3 times since our separation.

I am recently remarried and pregnant with baby number two. My husband has family in AZ and NE, and we both have dreams to pursue an education and career in fields that are not generally popular in the state of IL. Sometime in the future I have aspirations to go to college and get a degree in alternative medicine, a career choice that is not the most successful in southern IL. My husband is a certified organic-sustainable home builder and gardener and someday we'd like to relocate and build an eco-friendly home for our family in the area where I can earn my degree and pursue my desired career. I'm aware of the laws regarding removal of a non-marital child from the state, but how would this affect my situation if my childs father has already moved out of state without legal permission or consent and all other said conditions previously listed?

Like I said, we have no intention of moving any time soon but what if we wanted to in the future? Yes, i have contacted a lawyer, i am still waiting for a call back and im just to anxious to wait for answers.

I live in the state of Illinois. I have a 3 year old child born out of wedlock and I am about to take my ex to court for sole custody/ visitation for him, no child support. He's informed me that he will be moving out of state within the month. He'll be moving roughly between 90-100 mi away and expects me to pay half the transportation costs. He is not moving for employment reasons, he is moving at will to move in with his new girlfriend who currently resides there. I reside in his hometown, which is not my hometown, where i have remained in attempt to keep our son in close proximity to his father even though it has been less than a desirable location in terms of employment, education and all around opportunity. My son has been primarily in my care for the last two years. His father visits him inconsistently, usually when its most convenient for him, with no specific set days or times, just when he's ready to take him for a couple days. Sometimes he see's him weekly, sometimes he goes 2 + weeks without seeing him at all. He has not paid child support or offered any financial assistance for anything. I provide all things, including babysitting fee's and day care. He is currently unemployed, has a very unstable, unreliable employment history and has been unemployed most of the time for the past 3 years of my sons life. He has relocated 3 times since our separation.

I am recently remarried and pregnant with baby number two. My husband has family in AZ and NE, and we both have dreams to pursue an education and career in fields that are not generally popular in the state of IL. Sometime in the future I have aspirations to go to college and get a degree in alternative medicine, a career choice that is not the most successful in southern IL. My husband is a certified organic-sustainable home builder and gardener and someday we'd like to relocate and build an eco-friendly home for our family in the area where I can earn my degree and pursue my desired career. I'm aware of the laws regarding removal of a non-marital child from the state, but how would this affect my situation if my childs father has already moved out of state without legal permission or consent and all other said conditions previously listed?

Like I said, we have no intention of moving any time soon but what if we wanted to in the future? Yes, i have contacted a lawyer, i am still waiting for a call back and im just to anxious to wait for answers.

I understand a pregnancy affects both partners differently, yet still equally intensely (for well, the good men) and for me, its easier to understand how this pregnancy might be affect him but that understanding is not equally reciprocated towards me. We made this baby together deliberately, but now sometimes I feel like I'm alone with this pregnancy and it's depressing. He doesn't understand that I am undergoing a lot of changes not just physically but mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.

Before I get into it, to avoid a lot of negative, men bashing responses, let me just say that he is typically sensitive to my needs, he helps out a lot (physically) and regularly checks to see if i need anything. He'll cook or clean (when hes not working) and bring me lunch to work, let me nap while he cares for our other child and so on.

But as far as supporting me mentally and emotionally, or being sensitive to my rapidly changing and uncontrollable moods and emotions or drop os sex drive, he is absolutely NOT up to par.

He thinks I can control my raging hormones and the affect it has on my moods and emotions. I even try to warn him before he comes home that I am feeling emotional, but it doesnt seem to help. He cant seem to understand that small, odd things can upset me, irritate me or flat out anger me and that controlling these intense emotional swings is very difficult to do. I do not try to take it out on him, but he often times takes it as a personally attack and in turn becomes combative and intolerant which results in upsetting me even further bc im not trying to lash out on him and i just wish he could understand that my behavior is because of my raging hormones, that im not just using my pregnancy as an excuse to be a b*tch. I feel totally alone and depressed when he responds that way. Maybe its unreasonable, but i wish he could just understand that and be compassionate, like, "ok, shes pregnant and hormonal, she cant control her emotions, she needs me to be sensitive and understanding, so i will let her blow her steam and then be gentle with her when shes calmed down". I mean is really too much to ask for your partner be gentle and understanding? THATS ALL I FREAKIN NEED! Rather than taking it personally, being combative and furthering the situation into a knock-down drag-out argument.

Another thing i cant seem to level with him on is that fact that every woman and every pregnancy is different. He likes to compare me to all these super horny pregnant women who don't ever seem have emotional blow ups and asks me why I am not, or cannot be like these other women. It drives me nuts! I dunno where he gets his sources, but apparently he seems to believe that most, if not all pregnant women are super horny and none that he has ever talked to have ever taken their hormonal mood swings out on other people. WTF???

I have a very low sex drive right now and sex is basically on the bottom of my priority list. He is much better at handling it with this pregnancy that he did with the last, but he still guilts me and puts this obligated pressure on me to surrender my body over to his sexual needs and desires. Its a nightly ritual with him to be relaxing, dozing off to sleep in bed for the night only to be awakened by another episode of what i call him molesting me, touching me, and begging me for sex, absolutely not taking no for answer. He takes it personally, cant understand that my sex drive is low bc i am PREGNANT, he proceeds to compare me to other women making me feel like there is something wrong with me, that it is not right for my sex drive to be depleted, that it should be the other way around, and that if i loved him i would just do it for him. Then he equates sex with love and all affection, he cant seem to understand that just because i dont want sex, doesnt mean i dont need his loving touch and affection.

I explain to him in numerous different ways what pregnancy does to a woman's body and a couples relationship, i email him articles and forums furthering this explaination but I feel like im banging my head on a brick wall. We otherwise have a wonderfully balanced and loving relationship. WTF do I need to do to ease this situation?! I want a smooth, happy, and healthy pregnancy for the both of us.

How far along were you into your 2nd, 3rd or more pregnancy did you begin to feel quickening? (the baby moving)