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Preparing a very attached 2 year old to be away from me overnight?
I'm expecting baby #3 in a few weeks. My son is almost 2 and 1/2 years old and very attached to me, which in general I consider a good thing. He is still breastfeeding once day, but we've skipped a day here and there without any drama - I feel I could wean him anytime if I wanted to and it wouldn't be an issue. (I have good reasons for not weaning him completely, but that's not relevant to my question.) During the day, he has no problem being cared for by someone else (Daddy, Grandma, church nursery, etc.) for a few hours. Bedtime is a little trickier, but Daddy can put him to bed and Grandma did once (although some crying was involved). But in the middle of the night - only mommy will do! He still wakes up an average of 1-2 times a night, sometimes for a diaper change but usually just for snuggles. He sleeps in a twin bed in his own room. He'll go right back to sleep for me after a few minutes of rocking or snuggling in bed. If Daddy tries to put him back to bed, he screams bloody murder - "I want my mommy!" until Daddy gives in and brings him to me.
On a regular basis, this doesn't bother me, but I'm worried about how he will cope when I'm in the hospital having the baby and the first week or so after when I'm recovering and exhausted and Grandma will be taking care of him. I don't want my mom to be the one who has to deal with him screaming for hours as he adjusts to this, but I don't really know how to prepare him otherwise. My husband is busy with work and trying to get ahead so he'll have more time to help me out when the baby gets here, so I don't want to make him deal with it either. I'm hoping that when I'm actually not here he'll be more willing to accept comfort from someone else, but I'm afraid that's just wishful thinking. My daughter (at the same age) was not at all like this and had no problem being cared for by Grandma when her brother was born.
Anybody else have a super-attached toddler when their next child was born? How did your toddler handle being away from you? Any suggestions for how to prepare him for this - preferably with minimal screaming and crying - or make it easier for Grandma to handle?
We don't have family in town, so I can't just have him spend an overnight with someone any old time. My mom will be driving 2.5 hours when I'm in labor to be here and help for a week or so. Asking her to come out an extra time before then for a test run isn't an option. We did try having her put him to bed when she was here to visit right before Christmas, and he cried for over an hour before finally falling asleep. After that, I wasn't going to make her deal with his night-wakings too. The rest of the family is even further away.
As for the "lack of planning" comments - we have been working on this all along. 8 months ago, he was still nursing 4-5 times a night, nursing to sleep for nap & bedtimes, and sleeping in a crib. Now he's night-weaned, can be put to bed without nursing (even by someone else), and sleeps in a twin bed. We've come a long way! I thought night-weaning would resolve the night-time attachment issue, but obviously not.
6 Answers
- jlbLv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
My daughter was just 18 months when my son was born, and she was pretty attached to me. I put her to bed, and nursed her and was her primary care-giver. Although, we didn't have the night waking issue.
We practiced for a few weeks before I was due. Daddy put her to bed and we talked a lot about the baby and how I would be away. She actually did really well with the whole thing. I think it was b/c she realized I wasn't there, she knew that it was daddy or nobody. They came to the hospital twice a day, she got to cuddle, nurse and spend a couple hours with me, then go home.
It might also be a good idea to try and leave after 24hrs so he only has to be away for 1 night. He's old enough to talk to and reason with so he may surprise you.
- TopazLv 69 years ago
NOW is the time to start leaving your child with another family member overnight so he gets used to it. Being so young, he's normal to act this way.
Explain to him the baby is coming. Let him rub your tummy and tell him his brother or sister is coming. Now he has to be a big brother. Ask him can you help me? He will say yes. You say good. Now I'm going to let you stay with so and so and I will pick you up tomorrow morning, ok? Give him is favorite toy and something that belongs to you, like a scarf or a pillowcase that you had lain on. Your smell makes him feel secure.
Let son stay overnight. Next morning be there to pick him up and tell him you are so happy to see him again. Try it another night the next week, up until you go to the hospital. That way he will be ok.
When baby comes home, tell him that now is is a big brother and you need his help. Little ones always love to help! Ask him to put the diapers away for you and to bring you a wipe when you need to clean baby's butt. He will be so happy he won't feel like he has to hit the baby because he's jealous.
I did this with my son before his sister came. It was a big help and he loved being a big brother. They are still close.
- condomLv 45 years ago
get excitement from it even as it lasts!!! Our toddlers develop up so quickly and shortly sufficient they wont favor some thing to do with you (10 is the recent 15)...attempt leaving her a particular "sturdy morning my sweetheart" note for mom to study to her even as she awakes, and enable her comprehend that once mom makes dinner, daddy will be living house. (or inspite of interest she will affiliate with that element of the day) She is in all likelihood "dropping time" even as she sleeps, the finest element she knew, you've been there! an awesome type of little women change into honestly in contact with daddy's and fairly are jealous and start up to compete with mom for dad's interest! sturdy success, basically love em!
- asraiLv 79 years ago
He might be just fine.
It's too bad you can't go back in time and do some test runs with overnights at Grandmas so he gets used to the idea.
Give him a shirt of yours to wear for bed so he gets your smell.
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- 9 years ago
My cousin who is now 4 was very attached as well. He had a stuffed bear that you could record a message and your son could play back your voice.
- PoppyLv 79 years ago
You did not plan far enough ahead, this is for the most part going to be cold turkey for the toddler. You are just going to have to set him down and tell him how it is going to be. You stick to your guns and he will adjust.
