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Which sentence is better?
We are enticed into buying products due to clever marketing campaigns designed to draw us into brands; designed to discover our arbitrary needs.
or
We are enticed into buying products due to clever marketing campaigns designed to draw us into brands; designed so that we feel like we have a need for their products.
Does the first sentence get my point across? Like, does it make sense? I'm not sure if I've used the correct words to try and explain my point that marketing makes us/leads us into believing that we need products... even if we don't.
I think the 2nd sentence is a little wordy but I agree it's easier to understand.
If anyone has any suggestions on ways to improve the sentence then I'd appreciate your comments.
It's for personal statement for university :)
5 Answers
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
The first reads better, however I feel that semicolon is misplaced, perhaps try "brands that were," or "brands who were," or even just plain old "brands designed."
- Anonymous9 years ago
First one sounds more clever, is this business your doing because i am doing the same n my A-Level : )
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