Why don't people visit loved ones in a Memory Care Facility ?

I worked in a dementia care facility for years. It is understandable that some people cannot bring themselves to visit - a person with advanced dementia is completely removed from reality. They do not know who you are, they do not know anything. Visiting a person with advanced dementia is a very awkward and uncomfortable experience for many people, and I fully understand when they say "I just cannot do it any more - he/ she doesn't even look at me,, doesn't react to my presence, just mutters and walks away". Not eveyone can keep on visiting when this is the only response.

Having said that, in the unit where I worked, there were also many relatives who came to visit every single day, or sometimes two or three times a week, for years....even though their loved one did not know them or respond to them in any way. These saintly people would bring their book or their knitting, and would sit there for hours, or take their loved one for a walk in the garden or whatever. We use to say "have a break - honestly you need to get away", but they were so determined, they often lost their own health through this constant vigil.

To me, this is a purely personal decision, and not one that should be criticised by others. We all have our reasons for what we do....give the family a bit of slack, they are all dealing with this in their own ways. Don't try to force the issue, its not worth it.

"storage units for the elderly" wow - I hope no-one ever puts me into one of those. I can't believe I just read that and that someone could use such a phrase.

I agree with your husband's sentiments 100%. It is really difficult having a family member with any kind of memory loss but what we should all remember (whilst we still can) is that, one day, we might be the patient and it won't be until that happens that we will know for sure just how much such people are still aware of. I'm sure that many WILL be aware that certain people never visit them. Unless distance is a huge obstacle there are few excuses for not visiting at all.

If the person doesn't know who you are or remember you being there then you are not making the visit for them. You are doing it for you. People with failing memories are in general very uncomfortable with strangers. In some cases everyone is a stranger. You may be kinder to not put them in a stressful situation of remembering who you are.

sad true fact, people get on with their lives. that's why we have storage units for the elderly. the reasons they can give are as varied as the people that give them. don't judge them to harshly.

they are distancing so they don't see her go downhill. let it be. it's to their loss.