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Opinions on the poem I recently wrote :)?

I wrote this pretty quickly but it'd be nice to have an opinion on it. Thanks in advance :)

Your grin is my favorite conversation. Every inch of your gaze glistens, glowing eyes entice me, I just wish I knew your intentions.

Lust me, love me, seduce me, teach me, tell me. Communicate your secrets and I'll live within. Every kiss soul deep, i'll never forget you so lets go again. Whisper your wishes to me, entrusting all of you in me. 

Nothing but a Tattletale on top of you, spewing what I need. Touch me until I'm unraveling every secret vocally. 

Still, I can tell you're fearful of who you think i am but what if you were just another, what if I didn't adore you, what if I didn't love you?

The way I quest for orgasms should be enough for you. I know you've had doubts about us two.. but I could never have another because I adore you. I love you. 

Lay your head on my pillow and lay it to rest and whisper your wishes to me, communicate your insecurities, entice me with the real you. I don't need sweat dripping down your spine, just wake up with me tomorrow with a kiss, that way, I'll know you're mine. 

3 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Really great!

    I loved "Touch me until I'm unraveling every secret " I would delete the word "vocally" you don't really need it there. I think the idea is really cute, and good job on word choice. It has nice flow to it. Also if you want your poetry to be "much more... muchier" (Alice in Wonderland) I would look up Poetic Devices and try to get at least five into each poem.

    Keep at it! You're really fantastic. :)

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Well now let me tell you that was one of the best poems I have ever read. No kidding no baloney! There is only 3 or 4 favorite poems on the top shelf of my mind and I put this one there too. Be sure to document with your cell phone camera, its video feature, mail a copy to yourself or whatever....okay. I get it and like it alot.

  • 9 years ago

    some of it does not flow like a poem to many wording is inconsistant as a poem its but needs revision

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