I don't think moms of small children should join the military?

Question

And I came to this conclusion bc of my own career exploration yesterday when I walked into an army office and asked out of curiosity if I were "too old" at 28 to join/enlist. the recruiter lit up and said no and began to inform me of all the "perks". I mentioned I was a non-married mom to a 3 y/o girl and he said it's best to get married or else i have to sign over my custodial rights if I want to join (to her father whom I live with).

anyways I forgot about training being 2 mons or longer away---and bc of my bachelor's degree---I could qualify for a higher ranking which would mean even longer training and even longer time away from my baby.

My daughter is my only child and very attached to me, her mommy. Most young chidlren whom have formed and established strong bonds with their mothers are attached and see their mothers as the center of the universe.

If the mother suddenly is gone bc of bootcamp/training, the child has no idea why---to them, all they know is Mommy is gone and they dont know when she's coming back, despite what everyone tells them. For all they know, in their perception it might be beacause of soemthing they did, or bc Mommy doesn't like/love them anymore. It's one thing for a fatehr to enroll assuming he's not their primary caretaker) it's another for the mom, the center of most children's universe at   very young ages, to enlist and be gone for weeks on end.

I hear of women who are single or married (to me it's the same) and leave behind very young children. Those children are left to cope with feelings of abandonment and insecurity, probably which will be life-long since most of their early childhood they will stumble upon this with mom coming and going. I don't think they get "used to it" and I don't think the "perks" of the military are worth it. The recruiter told me he missed his daughter's first year of life, and that he doesn't regret it. I can't imagine a mom doing that.

I honestly wonder what is wrong with women who enlist when they have young children...I'm not talking about women who enlisted prior to having children and then became moms after I mean the ones who enlist after their children are born, knowing the likelihood of their child feeling abandoned. How can they justify this to themselves? how does any amount of money or job security or medical benefits really make up for this?

I know it's not for me bc I am a mother and my first priority is my child. Yeah I can see the temptation---job security in an economy like this is esp. tempting, the excitement/unpredictability, the traveling/seeing different places,  the feeling of "belonging" the sense of purpose, the "hero" status, the social perks, the "togetherness" military ppl have with other military ppl, even the "coolness" associated with it in a way. But none of this would make up for the fact that somewhere across the country or world my child needs me, somehwere a child is needing their mother who made the deluded and selfish mistake of joining the military.  I know I could not live with myself if something were to happen to my child and I was not there to help them bc I was in training or being deployed.

This isn't just a "it's not for me but other women can" type of statement...it IS that, but it's much more...it's me expressing my firm belief that mothers to young children should not sign up for the military (aside from  army reserves). If they do, it is selfish of them and they are not thinking clearly of their child.

i am just expressing my opinion, and I am sorry if this offends anyone.

are there other moms or other ppl who tend to agree with me? Or does no one else see it as unnatural and awful that a mom would leave her kid for mons on end to serve the country?

I know the bond between my daughter and I is formed now, but I still don't like the idea of not seeing her for mons and her feeling abandoned. She still has separation anxiety and many young children do.

K · Accepted Answer

"Or does no one else see it as unnatural and awful that a mom would leave her kid for mons on end to serve the country?"

There're lots of crap parents out there; the only thing I don't quite see eye-to-eye on with you here is your surprise in discovering this. 

There're tonnes of military wives asking questions about WIC and sometimes about food stamps in Newborn & Baby; the US military is not a family-friendly organisation, not even paying a decent wage. Nice for people to huff and puff about bravery and sacrifice, but unfortunately there's a little too much scraping up of the impoverished to send them off as cannon fodder while their families scrape by on means-tested assistance. If they cared about the kids of the soldiers, they'd be able to EAT without WIC, y'know?

"The recruiter told me he missed his daughter's first year of life, and that he doesn't regret it."

What a sh!t.

woollysheep · Answer

Joining the military is obviously not right for you.  But it may be right for other women.  Each woman needs to decide for herself.  After all there are lots of dads in the armed forces - no one says they are bad dads because they are away a lot, and even though it can really traumatise their children.  It wouldn't be for me either, but I also think there are a lot of worse things a parent can do than support their country.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't understand why you think it's different for women joining and already being part of the military. The small child won't care which it was when their mum goes away for the first time.

If all you wanted to do was express your opinion, why did you post on a question and answer site?

vegancomputergeek · Answer

Well you are at the wrong place. This is Yahoo Answers where you ask questions, yeah I noticed that you tried to make it legit at the end. But for rants like that get a blog or join a suitable forum.

You are entitled to your opinion but don't get to decide how other people live their lives.

Anonymous · Answer

you don't get it because you're selfish

how dare you call military women selfish!  WTF is wrong with you?  These men and women are willing to DIE for you and your child so you can stay at home and complain about women in the military.

Sure child development can be affected, but no everyone deploys for years on end.  
Just because YOU couldn't hack it in the military because you're selfish doesn't mean that all women are like you.

----
I think sgt shammy just misread your question.  It took me a while to get through ALL that blabbering.  I don't understand how your well-though out opinion" makes you right.  There are millions of well thought out ideas that people have daily, but that doesn't make them all right.

you need to get off YOUR high horse and realize that there will always be other people out there to pick up the slack that people like you wont/can't

-------
oh, and your opinion that you're "entitled to" have is only so BECAUSE of the military!
freedom isn't free sweetheart!

Non · Answer

that person who said you are selfish is an ***, there is nothing less selfish than a mum who wont do something she would love to for the sake of her child. i agree with you 100% i only work part time and even though my child only gets looked after by my mum and mum in law who both literally worship her it breaks my heart leaving her lol

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think idiots should get to vote, but like your opinion- mine doesn't really matter either.

Single parents are not allowed to enlist because the child has to taken care of, and as a dependent of the military member that child is the responsibility of the military.  You're an idiot if you think people with kids should not be allowed to enlist!  However, if you think single parents should not be allowed to enlist, that is the case.  Single parents can not enlist

You aren't cut out to be in the military anyways.  It takes a very special kind of person to put other people's needs (this country's needs) before their own.  I've deployed to Afghanistan and while it is hard being away from family, I can't wait to go back.  I'm just glad not every is like you because then no one would want to volunteer for our country.

The recruiter told you to get your degree and try again as an officer because they figured you would probably be married by the time you completed your degree.  OR they figured out you were not fit for military use and wanted you to leave and stop wasting their time

How is it selfish to want to help MILLIONS of people?!  Not only OUR country but OTHER COUNTRIES as well?  But don't worry.  You can be selfish and stay at home with your child safe and sound.  There's a few thousand of us UNSELFISH people willing to DIE for you and your child.

I DISAGREE WITH WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, BUT I WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR YOUR RIGHT TO SAY IT

Anonymous · Answer

There are benefits and if you go in a non-combat role and as an officer you'll be fine to have plenty of time with your kid.

Urist Mcdwarf · Answer

Well thats a lot of text.

Im going to assume its your opinions and not related to the question.

I think that that she shouldnt go to war, as that has the possibility of death, and they should be making sure that the kids grow up in a nice home.

Trending News

I don't think moms of small children should join the military?

9 Answers