It's almost ten o'clock *Would you like Me to Tuck you In? C/C?

Question

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tiny teddy laid on the bed
frayed from fingers 
and much of her love
every night, after a long day
she would take Teddy and with him lay
her green eyes dew kissed
emeralds glow
as she'd hum a lullabye soft and low
gently she laid him 
then climbed in beside
after she'd knelt and prayed
... then soft breathing
would fill the room 
whereas now it is empty
and cold as a tomb

gone is the girl 
with her auburn tresses
grown up long ago, left him behind
and I pick him up
with an absent mind
and hold him close 
under my chin
and I swear I can hear that lasses laugh
and in the mirror reflects her grin 
from  a portrait still hanging
there on the wall

and now I remember
wish could forget 
how she left that day
in a quarrelsome fit
and perhaps I will call 
her again tonight
I am on my way out, 
losing my fight, and I wish
that she'd come home one last time

and I slip from her room 
up the stairs climb...

the cheese whisperer · Accepted Answer

I sit on her shelf with a few odds and ends
I haven't forgotten that we were best friends
I cried very hard on that day that she ran...
I know she'll come back just as soon as she can.

adeline_cosine · Answer

This is a touching theme and a good poem, but could use some pruning and word substitutions.  The last two lines don't work.

I am only beginning to learn which poets on this site encourage suggestions, interpretations, critique or analysis.  I am only beginning to learn the difference between good poems written with universal intent, and good poems written only to pose or insult. 

I have yet to fathom the answers you prefer. I like your poetry a lot, so please let me know if I'm wasting my time considering your words.  I'll be more than happy to offer "Cheers!" if preferred.

Anonymous · Answer

good morning nancy,
not the tiny teddy that first comes to mind,
thread bare and showing every frayed scar.
instead a child's memories, left behind.
it's good to see your smiling avatar.

Scooter_The_Squirrel_Agent · Answer

I 2nd many here. Powerful Poem. You did a good job again. Hope u have a wonderful Friday.

5 ft 7 Texas Heaven · Answer

YOWEE!  I gulped with a lump in my throat, Oh My Gosh, tears on my pillow

Good night sweet sister, may your sleep and dreams flow gently.

Rosalinda · Answer

Hi. beautiful  picture words, you painted, i like the vision and the scenery.

Anonymous · Answer

Tuck yourself, Maddie.

Iggy · Answer

Poignant and beautiful.  I hope you find peace and reconciliation

Cosmic · Answer

WOW!!! Nancy that is powerful stuff. Very nice.

. · Answer

They grow up too quickly.

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It's almost ten o'clock *Would you like Me to Tuck you In? C/C?

10 Answers