My plumber say's I have to buy a new toilet, I he full of ****?

your stash is plugging the toilet, buy a toilet auger at a hardware ream it out

You need to stop putting your stash down the toilet...then it wont get blocked.

If 40 yrs old it probably need replacing....you can buy a kit for the internals but perhaps it will not fit? cos your toilet maybe too old. The kit for the float mechanism and fllapper is about 15 bucks, should it fit,easy job. A Pro plumber would charge about 300 bucks including new toilet but guess you'd rather spend that on your stash.

To get a plumber out to snake it out and remove a clog will set you back 50/ 75 bucks a main line for around 100 /150 bucks depending on blockage and distance 100ft being the norm. You do need the correct machines which are expensive to buy. If you go for the big name companies they will charge you much more... and try to sell you other stuff. The cheapest new toilet is just under 100 bucks ( some are not good!!), then you need a wax seal etc. I work on and off with a plumber who is the best here...has done loads of work for me. He can fit a toilet for around 150/170 bucks. i would give you a name but guess not done here and you could be miles away. I think maybe after 40 yrs a new toilet may be the answer if it flushes slow.

You could buy the internal kit but will it fit?

WilliamB touched on the answer to your problem, but didn't exactly explain what it was he was recommending. The item you need, is called a "Closet Auger". It's a nearly indespensible tool for a plumber, and is also used extensively by DIY'er's at home. It's simple to use, it sells for around $10-$15 in most any decent hardware store or home improvement center. If you ask for help finding the thing, whoever helps you find it will more than likely be able to demonstrate how to use it. If there's ANYTHING stuck in the toilet itself this will clear it out and you're turning it, and when fully extended it will reach about 6 ft. into the pipe below the toilet to clear anything down there out.

The drainage pipes on older toilets are a bit narrower so more than likely you have it clogged. It it is that old, it is time to replace it. You can buy a decent toilet for less than $100 at Lowes and Home Depot. Installing it is not difficult or you can hire a friend or someone to do it for you at way less than $300.

Surely you can forgo buying your stash for a week to buy a new toilet?

Since you will be needing all your extra cash to bail yourself out of jail, you could check on Craigslist for someone who is giving away free a toilet. I see them listed all the time.

You need to move somewhere you're not paranoid the cops are at your door.