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Karen asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 9 years ago

Your opinion requested on a newer poem please?

I haven't got the tolerance

for your particular ignorance

My patience is a thin thread

can't stand to watch this sin spread

You haven't even stopped eating white bread

sorry but you're severely mislead

don't punish me for taking you under my wing

oh if only your eyes saw the things I have seen

but you're making it awfully hard

for me to cut the deck and show you my card

the truth you wish to just disregard?

well continue the bleeding from your precious glass shard

You know where to find me

when you're done living blindly

Update:

no offense, but do you ladies perhaps think it's possible that there is a certain rhythm in my head for the things I write and you just can't grasp it?

2 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    There's some glitches in the rhythm, and it sounds like a diet dictator.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    not liking this one as well as the other,

    you need to pay attention to your rhythm you have some lines with a little too much beats

    and it does sound preachy.

    oh well nobody writes perfect all of the time

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