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Your opinion requested on a newer poem please?
I haven't got the tolerance
for your particular ignorance
My patience is a thin thread
can't stand to watch this sin spread
You haven't even stopped eating white bread
sorry but you're severely mislead
don't punish me for taking you under my wing
oh if only your eyes saw the things I have seen
but you're making it awfully hard
for me to cut the deck and show you my card
the truth you wish to just disregard?
well continue the bleeding from your precious glass shard
You know where to find me
when you're done living blindly
no offense, but do you ladies perhaps think it's possible that there is a certain rhythm in my head for the things I write and you just can't grasp it?
2 Answers
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
There's some glitches in the rhythm, and it sounds like a diet dictator.
- Anonymous9 years ago
not liking this one as well as the other,
you need to pay attention to your rhythm you have some lines with a little too much beats
and it does sound preachy.
oh well nobody writes perfect all of the time