Would you please offer comment/critique on this poem?

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"I Took Elaine's Advice"

I could stand here, in the rain, forever,
praying to wash away,
to fade into the droplets and soak into the earth,
become so inundated with All that self shatters;
lives life in reverse.
Like duct tape on a fool's mouth,
it wouldn't work.

Resistance is an epicene uselessness it seems,
when I find pen fueled by momentary fury
after she's lain still for weeks.
I beat my fists against a wall,
but my skin won't break, can't bleed
and muffled cries of weakness
slip through locked doors like a sieve.

Punch me full of holes, oh please,
fold me like paper and bind me in a book
so that I become more than words,
more than useless railings against a deaf pantheon.
Lay me, ungently, aside onto your shelf
where I can silent collect dust,
and save you buying duct tape.

Caz :) x · Accepted Answer

You have brought this together so wonderfully , it's like giving us your soul to hold in are hands .
excellent poem I really love to read your poetry your just GREAT .
Thank you so much for posting this one ,one of your best :) Me thinks :) 
you show us how to write

TF · Answer

I was sad before I read this. now I feel a certain kind of hollow despair. Can't realy tell what the poem is about concretely. but in the abstract the feeling is strong.

Anonymous · Answer

(Bride)

Aesthetic dame, long comb brunet of a Sibyl
smiled to me; Sightly to become so pleasant!
All church bells were ringing with sounds idyll
with her captivating wed lace, and me distant.

There she was! Her blinding smile iridescent,
Incomprehensible and great, her walk pleasing,
ascending slowly of steps fifteen; her scent,
beguiling in worlds exquisite and my feelings.

Amid the clouds she should walk, to glitter,
of estimable virtue promising, was her glance,
my shadow - the sun was setting an omitter,
to her uprising walk of a splendiferous dance.

Escorted by retention I saw her; face agleam,
a walking grace in a flowery conceived garden,
lowering her eyes; reciting my verses in a dream,
the bride walked in nave and my verses ardent.

Copyright © - G. V.- 01.30.2012 /
P.H. © 29671428

? · Answer

That is quite intense. I like the imagery in this, I can see a clear picture of all this. Very well written. Keep up this incredible writing! ^-^

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Would you please offer comment/critique on this poem?

4 Answers