funny jokes? funny jokes?

Q. What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?

A. Juan on Juan

Q. What do you call a mexican coming out of the hospital?

A. Manuel (man well)

Why is it a bad idea to play UNO with mexicans?

Because they will always steal your green-cards.

A Mexican and a Blackman are in a car. Who's driving? A cop

What's the difference between a blackman and a bench? A bench can support a family of four

Why dosn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everyone that can run, jump and swim is already here.

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

TOP JOKE IN CANADA

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 Celsius.

The Russians used a pencil.

TOP JOKE IN AUSTRALIA

This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight ..."

I dont do unto others but they do unto me first lol.

The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since "pro" is the opposite of "con" we should call it prosti...oh wait.Nevermind...

Skinny Jeans:

For guys who took "I got in her pants" the wrong way...

Did you know if you yell "bloody marry" 3 times in the mirror at 3am your mom will show up and tell you to shut up and go to bed.

You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.

Dear website asking for my age,

I'm going to Select born in 2011.

Sincerely, why is that even a f**k!ng option?!?

I like how the Ninja turtles wear masks, good way to hide your identity. Its not like you're a giant f**k!ng turtle or anything.

I hate it when people are at your house and ask, "Hey, do you have a bathroom?" Noooo not at all, we sh!t in the yard...

I was gonna tell you a dirty joke, butt f**ck it.

I've NEVER seen a tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that text to 10 people."

"Hi, can I help you?"

"No, I just waited in line for 15 minutes to say hi."

"Can you tie a knot?" "I cannot." "So you can knot?" "No, I cannot knot." "Not knot?" "Who's there?" "F**k off!"

Calling a bowling alley

Guy: "Hello?"

Me: " Do you have 10lb balls?"

Guy: "Yes.."

Me: "How do you walk?"

*guy hangs up*

A Mexican man, black man, and blonde man are sitting together on top of a building they're constructing, getting ready to eat lunch. the Mexican opens his lunchbox and says "Tacos again! everyday it's tacos! I swear if my wife gives me tacos again I'm gonna jump off this roof!" The black man looks in his lunchbox and says "I feel ya man everyday my wife gives me fried chicken! I'm with you, one more time 'n I'm jumping!" The blonde looks in his lunchbox and says "Aw no way peanut butter and jelly again! I'm with you guys!" The next day the Mexican looks in his lunchbox& finds tacos so he jumps off the building. The black man looks in his lunchbox and finds fried chicken again so he jumps off. The blonde looks in his lunchbox and finds PB&J so he jumps off as well. Two days later a funeral is held for the three men and the Mexicans wife cries "If only I would have known I wouldn't have made him tacos so much! This is all my fault!" The black man's wife is crying hysterically& says "If only he would have told me! It's all my fault!" The two wifes look at the blonde's wife who is just sitting quietly seemingly unmoved by the situation. She looks over at the other wifes and shrugs "Don't look at me he made his own lunch..."

What the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, and the other is used to carry groceries.

Fact: Turtles increase their speed by 150% when set on fire.

Another fact: You just thought of setting a turtle on fire.

Derick was on his first date with Gina who was known to be a "loose" character.

Once he parked his car, they indulged in foreplay and Gina seemed to like it. As the heat was building up, he put his hand inside her knickers.

She seemed to be loving it, but suddenly cried, "Ahh, your ring is hurting me!"

Derick replied, "not my ring, that's my watch."

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why did the cheken cross the road because he went to get ice cream