Parents, do you think it is okay to read your child's diary or journal?

Parents sure have it hard. If their kid is depressed, doing things of a dangerous nature, considering suicide, and writing it in their journal and the kid does something drastic, it's "why didn't you read the journal when you were worried?" If their kid is just a moody teen and they read the journal and find out nothing is wrong, don't talk to them about it in order to give them privacy rather than confront them about what they read, and try to be respectful, they are condemned by people who say "How dare you read their journal?"

You say she never tried to talk to you, but teens often don't see when their parents are trying to talk to them. And if these were secrets then you were probably being evasive when she did try to talk to you about it. My sister honestly didn't see my mom crying when she was a teen, didn't see how many times my mom came and tried to gently talk to her, how many times she responded angrily and they fought... I mean, my sister doesn't even remember when my mom tried to take her to a family counselor to try and work things out. She simply didn't recognize any effort my mom made to be close, to show that she loved her, or to try and talk about her worries. I'd like to say that was just my sister, but I've seen it with nieces and nephews as well. If you fought with your mom during those days, your mom was trying to talk to you about some of the worries she was having, whether you realize it now or then or not at all.

I think if you believe that your child may need more help and isn't being honest with you, then reading their journal to figure out what you might need to do to help your teen isn't a bad thing. I think that if nothing is wrong, then you should eventually be honest and tell them and apologize and try to emphasize how worried you were and how they weren't giving answers. But the last thing any parent wants is to have their child disappear and see later that the clues were in the diary.

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Childs Diary

Just before I gave my daughters a diary of their own, I read a few pages from mine at their age. We laughed so hard.

And then I read something that was sad. And told them that I wished I had told my mom what was written so that this incident didn't have to remain locked away, unresolved and forever a sad time. I also read to them something that was sad, and that I had resolved with her. And how that felt so much better to read now. And you could see that in their faces too.

I gave them two of the cutest paper clips and told them that because diaries are sacred to the person who writes them, that if they ever had anything that makes them sad, write it down, and put a paper clip on the pages they want me to read, and I would read only those pages. Once in a blue moon one or the other or both will bring me a diary.

Otherwise, I would never break that trust. IMO, my job as a parent isn't done if I have to sneak and read their diaries, but if they come to me on their own, then we have that mother daughter relationship that i want us to have.

So to answer your question, no I don't. Because even though they are my children, there are boundaries, and this is one of them.

I would hope that I had showed my daughter that there was an open line of communication so that I wouldn't feel the need to do this. However, If i suspected that she was not being honest with me, wasn't telling me something I should know, etc then I would do it.

An example would be that she is starting to not talk to me, her grades are slipping, things are missing from the home and I think she may have a drug problem or something like that, then yes, I would be looking at and reading a diary or journal.

I think that it was better safe than sorry. What if you were suicidal and didn't tell her anything or show any signs? She could've figured out you were by reading your diary. I understand your point of view and the whole Invasion of my privacy thing, but she was only trying to make sure you were okay. There is a difference though between a caring mom and a psychotic helicopter parent on dr Phil. But think of it this way, she never confronted you about any of that stuff. She just wanted to see how you were doing. It sounds weird, but everyone should have a mom like that and not one that doesn't give a crap about your life and is only around to feed you and make sure you got clothes.

I don't particularly like the idea of snooping in general and for me to read my kid's dairy, something would have to be going on.

An instance I would is if there was a sudden change. Grades started dropping/mood swings/refusing to talk/ etc etc.

If I could get nothing out of them by trying to communicate and I was worried, I would read the journal. Privacy be damned if I think my kid is in danger.

On a daily basis? Not okay at all. They're private thoughts. I write in my journal as a stress relief. A lot of time none of it makes sense to anyone but me because I don't try to organise my thoughts, I just write them as they come.

Also, if you are going to snoop, and you read that your kid called you a b**ch after a fight, it would be wrong to get angry at them.

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In an extreme emergency yes I think its ok, however, just because she was your mother does not give her the automatic right to invade your privacy. As kids, especially teens, they need to have some privacy. They need to have some way to vent. A diary may be there way of doing so, as they can't Always come to mom or dad. So, unless its an absolute emergency then no its not ok

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