Can someone help me please hello?

Question

Hi,

Well basically, I just never feel comfortable with the idea of going on a date with someone. I have had boyfriends in the past, but we never really went on dates to first get to know each other, we just hanged around in mutal friendship groups. The idea of a date makes me really nervous, and feel sick! I get really shy when I'm just with one other person I don't know very well. Unless I drink its very awkard! I also get worried that I won't live up to their expectations appearance wise, and I am scared of being used. Everytime someone has asked to go on a date with me, I have made up an excuse and not gone.
The last date I went on was last month and it was HORRIBLE. The guy told me he was looking for commitment and someone fun, and talkative. He was a muslim, but not strict. He toke me to a hotel in London and went out clubbing, he toke his cousin along and I got lost a few times in the big club and he spent the whole night chatting up other girls. It also got me in a horrible situation, with police being called that I won't go into. It turned out he was just looking for a one night stand, and in love with another girl (fml) The idea to ever date again makes me feel really sick! I really do want a companion, and someone I can have a laugh with but I can't do the whole dating thing!
This guy I met in a club when I was very drunk who I have on facebook, has asked me to go on a date next week for a meal, and then to a bar. Then up to me to stay in a hotel afterwards which I really do not want to do. I find him relatively attractive, but I can't help feeling his intentions aren't good, and again he is looking for a one night stand. But I can't say no to people I feel really bad!
How can I be confident, and learn to go on dates and meet the right person? Advice would be really appreciated.

fuschia49 · Answer

First of all, I think that any boy/man who suggests a hotel as part of a date, is hoping for something more than just a night clubbing, or a meal, so if you don't want to do that, then you say no to the hotel idea as soon as it's suggested. (Unless, I suppose, you wouldn't be able to get home from the date, in which case, you make sure a single room for just you yourself is booked.)

Secondly, instead of saying yes to  "a meal, and then to a bar. Then up to me to stay in a hotel afterwards..."  just suggest going for a meal OR to a bar, or to see a film, whichever you will feel more comfortable doing.

Then if everything's going well and you feel comfortable with him, you can always say after the meal " shall we go for a drink" or if you're in a bar you can stay longer or go to a club.

If it's not going well and you don't feel comfortable, you just part after the meal or after a few drinks. You won't have to feel bad about that because that was the arrangement you made in the first place.

Thirdly, never ever feel bad about saying no to someone in a dating situation. I know you think you'll be hurting their feelings but saying yes to something you really don't want to do, will make you feel even worse afterwards.

Lastly, ALWAYS trust your instincts.  I have found, over the years, that mine have been 99.9% of the time absolutely right. I've ignored them sometimes, said yes to things I didn't really want to do and have regretted it afterwards.

The Seven Colours Of The Bow... · Answer

DOWN With Islam And ALL Religion...

DOWN With Abba Don The satan...

UP With MESSIAH YAHUSHA And Muslims...

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Can someone help me please hello?

2 Answers