You, as seniors, how did you handle?

Depending on the person and situation, it can either be a mild shock or a very deep and lasting injury. I had to escape from the bad one, but others I turn my back on.

Forgiveness is necessary for even the smallest infractions...for our own mental well being.

I think that everyone at some point in their life will be betrayed by someone in some manner. If you have been betrayed you go through a period of pain that can last for years. But, eventually you get caught up in other things or situations and comes a point when you don't even think about it anymore....or if you do it has somehow lost it's importance with the passing of time. I don't think you even need to forgive if you don't want to. At the end of your life it will make little difference anyway.. The best thing to do is to put it behind you and just move on.

Yes for sure I have been betrayed in different ways over the years.

The only healthy way I know how to deal with it is to forgive myself for being such an eejit and to downgrade the actions of others to that of totally unimportant ants that i should have known better than to trust and love.

I understand another answerer's ire about the financial side of things as I have encountered that as well. However, if anything it has taught me that I am both blessed and a survivor. I don't need much in the way of material things to make me happy but I am supremely grateful for everything I do have..

I have peace of mind and I doubt that my betrayers will ever aspire to that!

The most hurtful things that happened to me--the ones that were hard to forgive--were from my own mother & siblings.

I learned 'The Secret' just a few days before Oprah aired it on TV. I came to this conclusion by writing my own bio that will probably never be published, as I now see no need for it to be.

I also got full-closure by listening to a radio story where a woman said 'my ma tried her best, but her best was just so TERRIBLE'. I think it was b/c I felt validated then.

I say forgive, but you don't have to forget.

I now think of those upsetting things as things that helped me learn a lesson in life, thus helped me become the person I am now.

On Oprah's 'The Secret' episode, they said be happy for the situations, as some people were not able to experience them & thus were not able to grow from them. You have an insight that alot of people don't have.

I think that forgiveness is necessary so it doesn't eat you up, but the 'toxic' people should not be a part of your life b/c they will only bring you pain.

I think all these Answers are good ones.

Un-forgiveness hasn't made me bitter, or lonely. I'm a very happy, healthy and fulfilled person, but forgiveness isn't on my menu at all.

My ex husband betrayed me in the worst possible way. After 10 years of marriage, with children of 4 and 1, I found out that he'd been having a 2 year affair with my best friend. The two years included the time when I became pregnant, and giving birth to my son. I thought I had a great marriage, and a great friendship with that woman. Finding out about that - and hearing him say "She was like a virgin" - was like a huge knife in my heart. Forgiveness wasn't going to happen !!

I divorced him, and got on with my life. I have always been civil towards him at family functions, and have never bad-mouthed him to my children. But forgiveness would indicate that what he did to me was OK....well it wasn't OK.

He is now 63, looks 103, is an alcoholic and has emphysema. The house that I gave him in our settlement , he lost through bad financial management, and his business went broke through his stupidity. I think I know who is bitter, lonely and poisoned.

Sorry to differ with you. I don't like to to encourage anyone to be mean spirited. But my own experience has not led me to the conventional, "Christian" belief on this subject.

It seems to me that forgiveness only makes sense when the injury is of no real consequence, or when the malefactor is unwilling or unable to cause the same injury (or worse) in the future.

But quite often, the malefactor has caused serious, and perhaps irreparable harm, is not remorseful, and is quite capable, and perhaps very likely, to make things even worse if given the opportunity.

People often point out how toxic it can be to hold a grudge. I would point out that permitting yourself to be injured repeatedly because you believed the Christian teaching of "loving your enemies" and "always turning the other cheek" is even more toxic.

Jesus taught that those who cause injury should be forgiven because "they know not what they do." That is yet another idea that doesn't make sense. If someone is unaware that they are doing wrong, then they need an education, not a free pass.

Sure, it's a way of life. I know which people can be trusted and which people are going to stab you in the back--I just don't allow the backstabbers to get in a position where they can do me damage. And basically, I don't divulge anything that needs discretion to certain people who have proven untrustworthy. I don't like feeling betrayed so I don't put myself into any situation that may potentially become a problem. I don't need to tell everything to everyone, I can be selective or not tell anyone at all. We do have one sibling who everyone is terrified of because you never know what mood she is in (she could be an undiagnosed bipolar) and a simple question she can turn into a whole paranoid rant so all my sibs are afraid to talk to her--kind of sad but she brings this on herself; once all the kids have gone their own ways, I know she will be excluded from the family because of her paranoia.

This ? has arisen a few times recently in the SC section.

It's a hard one.

As in - the difficulty of both forgiving AND forgetting.

You're quite right (imo) in excluding those who have betrayed/hurt you - and could remain toxic reminders if allowed to continue/persist in such behaviour.

Forgiveness is the central plank of Christianity - but we mere mortals are ill-advised to be over-burdened with a sense of guilt, if we fall short of even our own ideals.

You're quite correct in believing bitterness is corrosive - withering to the spirit - self-destructive, etc.

Which is why (imo) forgetting/dismissing/excluding is more important than forgiving.

I've commented elsewhere that I'm more a sinner than a saint - so therefore ill-suited to be judge and jury on the behaviour of others. Like others - I've felt betrayed - hurt beyond words, etc - in ways it's surely impossible for a mere mortal to forget - never mind forgive.

But whilst the hard-disk of our minds might be indelibly imprinted which such - and beyond our control - we always have the soft-ware of our day-to-day 'free will' - and can choose to think about other, nicer things - with every hope of a better tomorrow.

It takes a long time to deal with this issue of trust versus betrayal.

I am much more cautious about who I trust. But in general, I try to see them as human beings with goodness in them but flaws as well.

When you buy a car, or a house, you take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of that purchase. Relationships can be thought of in the same way. Each person brings good characteristics and some bad. If you understand that, then you either accept them for friends or not. And you cannot be surprised when they behave as you know they can.

So in the big picture, I accept what they did as understandable as they are who they are. They are not trustworthy. I have learned that about them. They will betray me if it suits them for whatever reason. I seek out friends who would never do that, and think of those relationships as learning for me.

I am not even sure this is forgiveness....maybe..just acceptance. They can't be anything other than what they are and I am not going to change them or change what happened. But I can learn that they are not who I want to trust. And I can be cautious and selective in the future.

That is how I come to terms with their betrayal.

They are who they are.

I will be more cautious about who I trust in the future.

Alligators are perfectly magnificent creatures in their own habitat, but I wouldn't want one in my livingroom would you?

Are you being a bit dramatic here? Betrayal is when you give your country's nuclear weapons location to al Queda. It sounds like you have a family of drama lovers who go out of their way to hurt each other. You have the choice to avoid too much contact with them. If you choose to stick your appendages in the electric pencil sharpener, don't blame them when the motor turns on.

Forgiveness is for you but forgiveness doesn't include having to go back in and get hit again. It relieves your anger and that is all it needs to do.

There is an old saying: "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." Learn it. Love it. Use it.

Igorane is bliss.

You say unforgiveness is like a cancer.

I say , simply living life , like they dont exist is far sweeter.

No need to forgive.

Simply live like like they dont exist. Because you want nothing to do with them anyway.

They are who they are and you have lost nothing.

Life is so much fun without toxic people. Dont even give a time of day to forgive. There is no need to forgive