wrote yet another song. can anyone see any flaws?

it's not actually a song about someone who left his home to come to America. it's about moving on in life, realizing the monotony of it. it's about looking for hope knowing that nothing is ever what it seems, which prevents him/her from ever hoping beyond wanting a better life. and even these hopes are shattered by the fact that a better life would still become monotony in its own way. there's a lot of hidden meaning in it, so don't try to take the literal meaning for a grade. anyways...

I see my home so clearly, yet

Drifting from reality

Floating away upon the sea

On America my eyes are set

And I'm longing to be free

And I've come to find a job

We must all play our part

A new life of work, I'll start

I'm so weary, but I cannot sob

The morning lives within my heart

I've found my life to be so stagnant

Everything just gives me pain

All my efforts are in vain

Of my life, I've left fragments

Everywhere I've played the game

I'll leave a fragment in New England

I've left a fragment at home

I'll never be where I have roamed

In visions my new life glistened

For in America I atone

In a land where I belong

it's sort of a urban folk-pop song. it's hard to explain the genre. think of Simon and Garfunkel...