my wife after 14yrs of marriage doesnt know if she loves me?

It is pretty sad of her to say that she will not talk to a counselor for help.

Because you need to be included in this as well. It is about you, and it's not something that she can just decide by herself.

The two of you are probably going to go through a lot of issues, and you need to have a mediator.

I understand that you love her, but she needs to take your feelings into consideration, and if she's not willing to do that, then you should give an ultimatum, because no one deserves that.

If she decides that she does still love you and wants your relationship to continue, then how are you going to feel after? Your relationship is going to be majorly strained. You are going to need counseling after that, so you may as well just lay down the facts and tell her that if she really wants anything with you in the future then this is something she is going to have to do.

It sounds like she already has her mind made up though, and it's not looking like it's in your favor either. I know it sucks to realize that your marriage may be over, and it may feel like the end of your life, but it's not...

Dude...I went through that....not you, it's her, etc.? Has to work out things on her own? You have to leave or she does for a while? Common answer is she wants to be with someone else and doesn't have the nerve to tell you that because she cares enough for you that she doesn't want to hurt your feelings...happened at 12 years for me. I put a keylogger on her computer and found out she's be chatting very sexually to a few guys. Turns out she wasn't getting enough attention at home. Confronted her with the evidence and kicked HER out. Turned it completely around on her, told her how uncaring and slutty that was and to make me think it was something I did or wasn't doing, and the whole time it was her just wanting to have sex with other people. I think her plan was to sow some oats and then come back for the stability. She knows she doesn't want counseling because she would eventually have to admit it. Watch it man....if you break up, don't go back, it will happen again. Get to the bottom of this and find out for sure WHY, then take the upper hand Act like a man, tell her how messed up she is for this betrayal, knock her down a few pegs, maybe she will get the picture and come back. If not, walk away with your dignity and never go back. It hurts, but better in the long run for you mentally.

What do you mean she doesn't love you? I don't know how someone doesn't know if they love their spouse. You either love them or you don't. You need to talk more about this with your wife. When did she begin feeling this way, did she get married with you know she didn't love you or did she begin having mixed feelings through the marriage? There is so much information missing. I think that you should suggest counseling again to her, she needs someone to help her figure out what's going on and why she feels the way she does.

Blue Leader Your A Moron,,

theyre married,, joint property...

Dude, concilers are for weak minded people,

and that dosnt happen over night so you may want to reflect on all the things youve done in the past few years...

i kinda did the same thing to someone once,,

you only even stop and thing if you truly care.

I am concerned that she doesn't want to see a counsellor - if someone is having personal issues and they deeply want to fix them, seeing someone to mediate the situation is how to deal with it quickly. If she is refusing, that's telling me she actually doesn't want a mediators help - she might be in a little bit of denial. What has changed in your relationship? Or, what HASN'T changed? I think your problems with her are stemming from one of these two issues.

Ask her what you can do to help - ask her what she's feeling - ask her again if she's willing to see someone about it together. Continue to be supportive and empathtic. Thats really all you can do.

she might be going through a phase, my husband does this as well. sometimes hes completely happy with our life and his, other times hes depressed, etc etc. he has like 4 diff phases but then again i do too. deep down i love him and he loves me too no matter what. i wish you very good luck on this.