What on earth do you do about clutter?

1.) If you have room for even one Spencer Tunick print, you have too much room.

Really now, your spelling of the name suggests you care little for the prints.

2.) Unless Frank Wright himself built them, your "architectural shelves" should be

torn out with a Sawzall and a 3-pound sledge hammer.

Furthermore, the finest shadows all are vertical,

except for curved shadows, which are the finest of all.

3.) Be glad you have your wife to give you excuses for not inviting your "friends" over.

They're probably too busy gathering elsewhere to write pretentious poetry,

smoke crappy high-priced grey cigarettes, and drink ghastly bitter coffee,

followed by a dose of soy cheese and astonishingly crappy wine.

Their affinity for exotic tobacco and natural soaps probable means that they all

smell like goats who live in a spice shop.

If shoeless to protect your delicate floors, the stench likely would offend goats.

Be glad your pals stay away.

Be honest.... your "friends" are as substantial as your horizontal shadows.

4.) Let Mama Down-to-Earth have 2/3 of the space,

since she'll whine mercilessly if she gets less than that.

Abuse the other 1/3 with whatever shadows and prints you prefer.

5.) No, I'm not really so harsh. Your question provoked me.

Peace be with you.

Your friends are that judgmental? Get better friends. Show her this post and she might leave you. Problem solved.

My wife's the same way. I've given in to entropy, I don't fight it any longer.

Nice job of trolling -- at least a B+.

What gave you away was the bit about the old grandfather clock. The stuff about displaying photos of the kids was also over the top.

But other than that, it was pretty decent, especially when compared to the average troll.

Talk about clutter -- this happened to my next door neighbor.

He was changing out - well really - fixing his automatic transmission. He had just pulled it out of his engine, and it started snowing.

He brought into his house to work on it out of the bad weather. He threw a tarp in the corner of his living room and I helped him lift the transmission into his house (about a hundred pounds - I would say)

Well we did a good job of moving it into his house and we started drinking some brandy - Paul Mason as I remember. He said he would work on the transmission the next day. However, for the rest of the winter, he drove his wife's car to work.

Spring time came .... and guess what?

He came over to my house and said, "I can't find my transmission, I have looked all over the yard. Someone must have slolen it."

Yeah, that's right -- he had become house blind to the huge (clutter) transmission in the corner of his living room. -- go figure

I could not bear to live with that crap, either. However, your style is not mine, I do prefer an eclectic mix, so it would probably be easier for me to incorporate a few of her best things. I think you should each get to decorate a room the way you like. You certainly aren't entitled to the whole house or apartment. You can tell her that dried flowers are bad Feng Shui. Tell her the family photos mean so much to you that you want them showcased in the bedroom, where you can see them on rising and before turning off the light at night. Incense has been shown to cause problems with breathing and allergies, and the dried flowers get dusty and do the same.

Remember that a lot of hard, angular surfaces and metal, electronics and mirrors are also not so good for Feng Shui. Your home is a place for the two of you to live and entertain, not a showroom for your business.

I feel your pain. I hate stuff. But she is your wife..... What if you told her you like her stuff but it doesn't fit. Kind of like putting up a Christmas tree on the 4th of July. And let her do whatever she likes to a different room in the house (preferably one with a door ;)

Wow, that's awful, man. I'm so sorry. I'm not a designer, but I was a wife. I'd say a lovely gift of some shelves and/or cabinets and/or cupboards might help. Installed in a storage room or shed or somewhere guests wouldn't really explore. Have you explained this? Told her exactly what you just told us, and how your space depends on these elements? At the very, very least she should agree to only junk up half the house. How rude. Maybe pick a room or two she can have wicker and little pig statues and whatever girls like that have.

You married her and made your bed. Now sleep init. It shouldn't have been such a surprise that she had no taste. Who did she marry? You must have had an inkling what she was like before the dirty deed.

It reminds me of the debate over fine literature and trashy novels. It's all a question of perception.