?

I got a worm farm for my birthday. A little present from one of my so called friends. That guy should have a check up I swear.

Anyway... I've been feeding my worms a little bit at a time. Realistically, how much can 1500 worms eat anyway? But one thing worries me. They seem to be hyperactive at night... wriggling and squirming a lot and trying to escape?

This morning I discovered that my flatmate has been putting her coffee grounds in the scraps for the worm farm. Do you think I should switch them to decaf?

The NRSV Bible seems quite interesting in that it has removed the word "homosexuals" entirely from its repertoire, I guess to get with the times, but also, I guess, still the infallible word of God.

Now... sodomy is condemned outright. I had an idea what it might be... you know.... butt sex... however, it is with interest that I notice the Wiki definition vis vis:

"any non-penile/vaginal copulation-like act, such as oral or anal sex, or sex between a person and an animal".

I'm not into animals at all, but it got me wondering what's so wrong about oral sex, for instance, that a person would spend an eternity in damnation for indulging in it?

What's up with oral sex?

I'm beginning to accept the assertion that I have no moral compass because I'm a atheits. So for once, I am asking for opinions, and I have decided that in the instance B.A. of yahoo answers rules.

So... my dilemma...

I'm cooking a live lobster for dinner. The book says, so as not to be cruel, I should first put the lobster in an ice bath to calm it down and slow its reflex reactions ... and then throw it in the boiling water...

I instinctively disagree. I mean... would you prefer to be thrown in an ice bath shivering until you're almost dead and then tossed into a boiling pot of water... or would you prefer to go straight for the hot bath instead of suffering the freezing part first?

I was thinking... "what would Jesus do"... but then I remembered that he was Jewish and therefore wouldn't be eating crustaceans.

So... all you lobster feasters... what's the humane thing to do?

I just got an email message from a Solicitor, Smith Hans esq who said I've inherited 6.350 MIllion Euro from a long lost relative or something.

Nice Chap, but I think I'm going to have to go OS to collect as there seems to be a problem with the bank transfers. I've been waiting weeks.

Anyway, I don't need the money and there are more needy people than me, so I was wondering which Church to donate the proceeds of my good fortune to?

All I need in return is an around the World airfare and a little bit of accomodation paid in advance and I'll be on my way to making a difference in other people's lives.

So.... suggestions? C'mon. Who's got the Church that's most worthy of my gracious generosity?

The infancy Gospel of Thomas

VIII. 1 And after these things one day Jesus was playing with other boys upon the top of an house of two stories. And one child was pushed down by another and thrown down to the ground and died. And the boys which were playing with him, when they saw it, fled, and Jesus was left alone standing upon the roof whence the boy was thrown down. 2 And when the parents of the boy that was dead heard of it they ran weeping, and when they found the boy lying dead upon the earth and Jesus standing alone, they supposed that the boy had been thrown down by him, and they looked upon him and reviled him. 3 But Jesus, seeing that, leaped down straightway from the upper story and stood at the head of him that was dead and saith to him: Zeno, did I cast thee down? Arise and tell. For so was the boy called. And with the word the boy rose up and worshipped Jesus and said: Lord, thou didst not cast me down, but when I was dead thou didst make me alive.

Now that's spooky, I think.

I've been reading the gospel of Thomas lately. Now, I cannot imagine Jesus letting the devil hang around him for so long.. so Thomas must have been a pretty fly guy. Seems to be by his scriptures... take this one for instance:

Thomas 37: His disciples said: On what day will you be revealed to us, and on what day shall we see you? Jesus said: When you unclothe yourselves and are not ashamed, and take your garments and lay them beneath your feet like the little children (and) trample on them, then [you will see] the Son of the Living One, and you will not be afraid.

Now.... I can fully appreciate this sentiment. There's nothing much better than hanging around in your birthday suit on a sunny day at the beach.... Thomas rocks!! So...

What's up with Paul? What was he so ashamed of?

Thomas 90:

Jesus said: Come to me, for my yoke is easy and my lordship is gentle, and you will find rest for yourselves.

It has a fabulous ring to it don't you think? I think it's fabulous. My yoke is easy... aint that the truth?

I mean.. it's obviously the earliest textual record of the words of Jesus from all of the available texts... and it even starts off by saying:

Here are the [secret] words which Jesus the Living spoke an[d which were transcribed by Didymus Jude] Thomas......

Why don't Christian people like Thomas?

(Thomas 114)

Simon Peter said to them: Let Mariham go out from among us, for women are not worthy of the life. Jesus said: Look, I will lead her that I may make her male, in order that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every woman who makes herself male will enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Fortunate is the Lion that the human will eat, so that the lion becomes human. And foul is the human that the lion will eat, and the lion will become human.

The Gospel of Thomas, Verse 7

I was trying to get some sleep the other night in a hotel so I grabbed the bible (for a change)... Paul was saying something about how a man can divorce a woman of she doesnt put out, and a woman can divorce a man but never marry again, unless he kicks the bucket... you know... words to that effect.... but what I found interesting was the way Paul put it.... he was saying, in effect, Jesus never said anything about it... but I think bla bla bla.... Which got me to wondering... why worry about what Paul thinks?... and then I fell asleep.

So... why worry what Paul thinks?

for scientists to pull their testicles off and poke them so that they run around until they're exhausted?

http://au.news.yahoo.com/tech-news/a/-/technology/...

Round 1. God.

I can see god thunderously laughing as he thinks "This'll keep those pesky science geeks entertained for years!"

I'm having a bit of a laugh with my wife this morning as we've been talking about the prospects of prostate removal and the potential for damage during that procedure to the nerves which cause an erection.

And (ahem) I was wondering... (well she was wondering.... but I'm not "that small" ffs)... with these penile impants... I'm only guessing but you put the pump thing gets inserted into your scrotum where one of your testicles used to be... and then you pump it by hand to get an erection (All this is complete conjecture so feel free to impose your own interpretations).... so ... Mid bonk.... it ought to be possible to pump it up a bit more... which got me (her) thinking.... Can I (she) could make a few adjustments to the prosthetic device as the occasion demands? What are the limits?

Hugs

Gazpacho

Was just checking out Venus, and I used wiki to see what it has to say about Solar System vis vis "The Solar System consists of the Sun and the astronomical objects gravitationally bound in orbit around it, all of which formed from the collapse of a giant molecular cloud approximately 4.6 billion years ago."

If you firmly believe that God created the universe about 6000 years ago, I can appreciate how paranoia might evolve with the overwhelming scientific data being pushed upon you.

How do you reconcile the disparity and stick fast to your belief as you see every day confirmation of contradictory opinion derived from real life observations?

I mean, basically youre asserting thst the majority of the inhabitants of this planet are completely diluded but you, against the trend, are one of the elite few individuals so clever that you have not been hoodwinked. Is that it?

Hugs

Gazpacho

If we go to a restaurant, I'll order what I want... and she orders what she wants, then she asks if she can have some of mine! I mean, the hide! She ordered that silly little salad with no substance and of course she is still hungry but why should we both end a meal feeling hungry??

I'll buy a snack bar and I'll offer to buy her one. She says no.... but always wants some of mine? What's that about??

Before I cook a little nighttime snack, I'll ask if she would like some. No thanks. She says. I'm not wasteful, but there's something unsatisfying about eating three quarters of a toasted sandwich!

Help!

We've got fifty guests coming to my house to help celebrate my wife's 50th Birthday next weekend. My wife hates nibble food. Seems lately every time we go out these days hosts are serving finger foods, tiny little tit bits of deliciously arranged things that people walk around your house with and slop all over the floor, hide in pot plants and under cushions and so on....

So I thought we'd have a good hardy meal.

I have a few large pots and a stove. I thought I could prepare a few days before, a 20 litre pot of devilled sausages, a 10 litre pot of mashed potatos and 5 litres of mushy peas, and then everyone can sit down and enjoy a delicious feast.

Do you think I have the quantities right?

My wife has collected a few bits of junk and she puts them on display. I'm a designer damn it. I live in a very well organised white pallet palace so I can display my fine art collection, sculptures and Spencer Tunik prints. The space depends on crisp sharp furnishings, highly polished wooden floors and streaming shafts of light from unexpected places.

She doesnt understand that old grandfather clock doesn't work. Hell, it's from her grandmother ffs anyway. And she has these BS trays of dead flowers and incense and crap, plus she has the hide to display family photos of the kids on my crisp architectural shelves that are meant to delineate the space and cast nothing but horizontal shadows... it's a freaking trailer trash nightmare I tell you!

Designer's please... what can I say to my wife so as not to upset her, but still convince her to hide that nasty stuff in a box in a cupboard? I can't have my friends over to see me living like this!

The punishment doesn't befit the crime. I mean, if you're a god fearing Christian, surely the hell bound fires of fury story is nonsense, even to you. I can accept the undeniable fact that no life springs from nothing. We are indeed all gifted a spark of life from our father. Except for snails of course which are tricky little things that swing both ways, bisexual little creatures have a place here too, I digress.....

But don't you think the Bible's take on the story of creation culminates in punishments that do not befit the crime? There is good in most everybody.

I'm talking to my wife about the potential risks associated with Prostate Cancer and the subject of incontinence came up...

When I suggested that we could at last fit rubber sheets and play wet and messy she was none to pleased. So I suggested that I wear man sized diapers. I've been trying them out the last couple of nights (and days), but my wife flat refuses to get involved. She won't change me and she won't even put the powder on!!

What should I do about this? How can I convince her to care for me like a good wife would?

go to heaven?

What if they decide after that, to just go the full hog and become a woman? Is that Ok with Jesus?

I'm thinking, if I ever lose mine, I'd go the whole way so I can still ... You know... well I'm young! Too young to stop.

What do you think? Is that ok in the bible? There must be something in there about it.