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What should I do? Rough fighting, etc?
Things have been rough between me and my bf of 3 years (note: he is my first bf and first everything else) and we've been fighting a lot...
When we fight, he'll say things like "don't be stupid, b*tch" or "come on you stupid c*nt" and I REALLY hate that.
I tell him this, and he says "he can't help but call things as he sees them."
I understand this - but me, I think, there's a difference between "b*itch" and "please stop acting like a b*itch right now."
We are both the kind that, when hurt, try to hurt the other person into silence so you don't get more hurt... Like a defense mechanism. If you hurt them too much, they will just stop.
This doesn't work well.
Mainly because he has a line he won't crosee - saying "I hate you"
and I have a line I won't cross - hitting.
The problem is.... I cross the line he won't, and he crosses the line I won't.
Does that make sense?
Saturday night when he called me a c*nt I slapped him in the face.... then I started telling him that I couldn't do this anymore, that he better learn to stop or I would be gone, and when he tried to turn me towards him so we could talk, I didn't want him touching me so I tried to scratch him and slap his arm away. He grabbed my arm (I have a bruise) and just basivally... hit me.
Like he never hits my face or anything so I don't know how to explain it..
After we stop fighting, he says the reason why he uses force is eiter to get me to stop what I'm doing, or to make me shut up and listen to him.
After fights sometimes I feel like I deserved it... Like I won't call him names until I get so sick of him calling me them, but I do call him names... I scream, I yell, say I hate you, everything he doesn't like.
Basically we just don't fight well together.
Sunday I got sick of this so I told him that we were on break until he could decide if he can fight without his hands.
We've talked every day since then but haven't seen each other, and what I'm thinking is:
If we just talk by text or phone for awhile, kind of pretend like we're in a long distance relationship like we were the first year, then set a date to meet again... It'll be better because of the time apart.
And so I want to try this... but if it doesn't work like I'm scared of what to do.. I don't want to lose him, I don't know how to be single and I LOVE this guy, we plan on buying a house together and having kids and maybe one day get married (ick)...
but if we're like that every time we fight, I can't deal with it anymore.
What do we need to change?
I know I add to it... but am I supposed to just shut up and take it so it doesn't escalate? I'm not that type.. What do I do?
5 Answers
- 9 years agoFavorite Answer
Personally, i think you, and not just you, deserve better then a guy who is going to be like that. He needs to know that he cant treat any woman like that. He should make you his queen, and maybe take some anger management classes to. Its unexceptable to be that disrespectful to any woman, even if they did it first. I think that you should take some tome apart, and tell him that if he wants you back and if he truely loves you, then he will go get help for his anger, and go get help with you for your guyses relationship. Hope this was helpful.
- delorisLv 45 years ago
I anticipate you need to grasp when play fighting has long past too some distance and become specific combating. It is particularly obvious when two dogs just start to fight for actual, with out play fighting first. They growl, ears are again, tail is by and large stiff or between the legs, fur is fluffed up along the backbone, their fangs are showing and so they're almost always snarling or growling very loudly. Play fighting starts out as two dogs bouncing round and getting into the "play with me!" function - which is their two entrance legs on the bottom, and the butt up within the air with the tail wagging, most commonly with the ears pricked ahead and the tongue lolling out of the mouth. Play fighting turns into actual fighting once they begin to clearly harm every different, when they may be striking on a bit of too lengthy or biting a little too tough. The fur will start to face up, the tails will most likely discontinue wagging, ears will ordinarily return and teeth might be bared. You'll most commonly be capable to hear the difference, dogs do not most of the time snarl for fun. When it goes from play combating to real combating, take hold of both puppies and get their awareness.
- 9 years ago
It doesn't exactly sound like you two have a healthy relationship. If you plan on having children one day, your home might not be a very safe environment for a child. I suggest doing what you plan on doing (about setting a date to meet again). If things start to get out of hand again, think about seeing a relationship counselor. It sounds stupid, but these guys work wonders. If you don't have the money for that, talk to him about reading a book on healthy relationships and how to deal with fights without getting physical. I know that sounds stupid too, but it's really not.
Hope I helped & good luck to you both! :)
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- 9 years ago
Please leave him, any guy that hits u no matter what doesn't love u enough :| my bf doesnt even raise his voice at me. I know you think what I'm saying is stupid but think if it was happening to a friend, what would you say?