What do I need to ordain people in my Satanic church?

"You need to quit believing in that retarded, bronze-age, fairy tale nonsense. God, Satan, heaven, hell- don't exist."

Prove for a fact that it does not or shut up and stop shoving your own religion down my throat. You believe in the big bang theory of everything coming from matter that came from no where. At least I believe in something more logical where there is actually a source of creation. And plus gods do fall under your lil law of science that says that matter and energy can neither be created or destroyed and has always been here. What do you think we believe gods are? Matter and energy that has a consciousness and thought and we are able to communicate with it. That is something you atheists seem to ignore.

"Legally!!!!!!? The law has nothing to do with religious orders. They're private members clubs with rules they make up completely at the discretion of the members' whims and prejudices. You want to ordain someone into your personal church, you just spit in their face and tell them what's what."

although I find that amusing and wish I could do that, that would be degrading to my members which is something left to the christians, muslims and jews. I need to legally ordain them in order to marry people and do other legal things that you can not do without being legally ordained.