M&D: Why does it seem like I only attract abusive men?

What I like to say in this instance whether it's warranted or not is that the common denominator in these situations is you. This submissive role, while seemingly fine for you is like a bone to a dog; and you know what a dog does to a bone? I chose that analogy for the obvious reason(hopefully it's obvious). I believe we've discussed this before. It's one thing to be submissive, but it sounds like you're being over giving to the extent you're being taken for granted or advantage of. My question to you is have you witnessed an abusive relationship growing up? That is typically what occurs. You see it happening with a parent or other close adult and they don't do anything about it but stay and take it. Most girls that grow up in such an environment end up in similar relationships once they grow up. An old Wham song called "Everything She Wants" has a lyric that says, "You showed me you can take you got some giving to do." Well you need to decide what you want in a relationship and not settle for anything less. It's alright for someone to do something for you.

It's not that you attract abusive men(you attract all types of men), it's that YOU like abusive men and only go out with abusive men.

A lot of women, like yourself, like a powerful guy...a guy that is all together and in control and that takes care of you. However there is a thin line between a powerful guy and an abusive guy. And a lot of women can't tell the difference. And even worse, many women will take abusive over in control if they can't 'find' a in control guy after looking in one bar for five minutes.

And then to put more of a burden on you, you ignore red flags. It's not so hard to spot abusive guys, so why do you stay with them? Lets say your on the third date, and he does something that might even suggest abuse.......THEN DUMP HIM RIGHT THERE AND THEN. Don't 'hang out' with him for another couple years and 'hope' things will get better.

And as your submissive, you will naturally attract abusive guys. that is the type of woman that abusive guys target.

You are going through a classic case of attraction to "bad boys" the type who are charming, wonderful and attentive at first, then once they rope you in, treat you like dirt and try to "put you in your place" by dominating you by any means they can.

The attraction to these types usually stems from some unresolved issues in your childhood, inexperience with men, or just biological imperative to choose a brute over a more suitable person.

It isn't that you are attracting this type, it is that you are opening the door for them to be in your world, meaning YOUR attraction to them is what's letting it all go down to begin with.

Start slowly, if you meet someone, and you are attracted to them, really think about what is attractive to you. If it's shallow, like their smile, their charm, or their interest in you, stop, and put the breaks on it. Be friends first, get to know them. Get their history with women. Explore if they have a string of exes who won't talk to them anymore. Learn about their likes, dislikes, and goals in life. See if they are doing anything to meet them. And above all, if they have no female friends and don't consider that possible, steer clear. This is a red flag they are not capable of treating a female as anything more than a piece of behind.

Seems to me you have answered your own question, "I'd like to think I'm submissive, & very down to earth. I pretty much cater to my boyfriends & give them almost everything they ask for,,, yet I still ended up getting treated like dirt."

Perhaps it's time to send out some different 'signals' and work on your esteem.

It's the other way around. Women are attracted to these men in rejecting nice guys. The theories are varied but center on the idea that women set their goals so low as they do not believe themselves worthy of better. This impacts their sense of self, integrity, character and value. Unfortunately, some women gravitate toward these men like bees to honey.

It sounds like you need to be picky with your choices. Before you start seeing a guy, ask around if he's got a reputation for being abusive, or a pervert or something.

Not all guys are jerks.

Hope that helps!

We learn by example; reflect back upon your childhood and your parents, this may give you a clue as to the why.

So,

Find your dignity and self esteem; if you cannot find it, then begin a process to build it. Respect is formed around these attributes and true respect is earned..never ever granted.

You are 'choosing' that type of man. Take responsibility, make changes within yourself, and associate with different people and you will meet and hopefully choose a different type of man.

Maybe its because you like that type of man.

you answered your own question....you like being submissive btw...which is hot...and you tend to encourge men that like that...simple