Would you read a long, narrative poem based on this opening?

Question

Being honest here, most people these days, even lovers of poetry will not take the time to read any expanded work of poetry unless assigned to them (like ‘Idylls Of The King- or ‘Beowulf’) in some literature class. This one I’m about half-way through will have about 900 hundred lines when finished. Like reading a novel you’re not familiar with, most readers won’t read on if the first chapter doesn’t grab them. So the question is, does this pique your interest enough?


THE BOOK OF JANNA


1.

During Earth’s mad destruction,
as multitudes slaughtered each
other in their own god’s name,
yet another child was born.

Metaphorically conceived in a pure infant state,
wrapped in paupers blankets and left in a basket near
the oft disputed intersection of Lost and Found 
where hypocrites daily judged everyone but themselves.

While the fragile waif softly cried out to be nourished, 
comforted and loved, the faux pious falsely assumed 
this newborn the consequence of original sins:
pre-condemned by dogma’s wrath as deserving her fate. 

As these righteous turned away
a young woman, disdaining  
denominational ire,
embraced the child as her own.

2.

Given the name of Janna,
the girl was raised in a home
that revered natural life as
the Creator’s precious gift,

an enclave where the women were perceived as equals 
and could be wives by choice, mothers by desire, scholars
by inclination, leaders when circumstance allowed:
a safe haven holding destiny’s child in faith’s hands,

an environment that was clandestinely maintained 
because they lived in a time, in a place, where fearful
males, doubting their own self-worth, collectively proclaimed
weakening the natural partnership granted men strength. 

Warping The Creator’s will, 
they banished healthy women
to lives of obedience 
as man-made baby makers.

Grant V · Accepted Answer

It does start arrestingly enough to make one read on. The best stanza here so far, though, is the "enclave" one, which really sings. In contrast, I feel the one about healthy women as man-made baby makers is redundant. You would be better served developing the narrative, rather than repeating what is implicit in the verses preceding it. The mention of The Creator here also detracts from the open question left by the initial mention of people destroying in their own god's name - now you are saying that there is, in fact, a god independent of their beliefs. This works well enough in the opening stanza of chapter two as it is reflective of the belief system of those who take the child in, and on what basis, but I would avoid repeating a reference to 'the Creator'; especially so soon.

maulsby · Answer

Carl Sandburg's poem "the folk, particular" is 178 pages long in the replica I relatively have of his amassed poems; he became into sensible sufficient to divide it into lots greater beneficial than six stanzas. Sonnets have fourteen traces, no longer eighteen. Shakespeare often integrated verse into his performs. His poems "Venus and Adonis" and "The Rape of Lucrece" are 27 and 40 pages long in the Norton Shakespeare. In different words, your examples are grossly faulty! i like those long poems and an excellent sort of others. from time to time brevity is terrific, however the nicely worth of many poems lies in the point of complexity that greater beneficial length enables.

? · Answer

You had me giggling by line seven.
The humor & wit alone would keep me reading.
Nice to see you again.
Many Blessings!

Mizzy · Answer

It is just right....
and nothing compared to porridge
Yes, I'd love to read it all the way through!

cassie58 · Answer

Yes I would read more. The opening of your epic is well written and it also kept my interest. Nicely done.

Trending News

Would you read a long, narrative poem based on this opening?

5 Answers