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How can i politely decline going into my biological fathers house when i pick up my half sisters?
Background: my biological father was revealed to me at age 21 after he tracked me down on Facebook with no regard to my mothers comments that me and my 'dad' had a great relationship and to not cause me pain. He has been overbearing, controlling and constantly manipulative ever since I met him in person. I no longer reply to his emails or attempt to spend time with him. He has 2 daughters aged 14 and 17. I am 23.
On Tuesday I am taking both girls out to the cinemas and lunch in celebration of the elder ones birthday a few weeks ago. I haven't seen him since late December and I refused to do something for my birthday in march with them. How can I decline politely going inside before or after as he takes his attention away from his own daughters and I feel pressured to stay til the late hours of the night. I also suspect he wishes to give me belated birthday presents which I frankly do not want since I feel they come with strings attached. How to I avoid this awkward confrontation?
2 Answers
- ?Lv 69 years agoFavorite Answer
It sounds like your bio father is a narcissist - my dad is like this too - no matter what the situation the attention has to be on him - this is also being an energy vampire. How you can stand up to him is to have boundaries and be firm - talk in calm even tones - when you arrive be in a hurry and say no pleasantries - if he tries to engage be firm "I'm sorry we've got to go, good bye" when you drop them off do the same thing "I can't stay and chat, good bye" and leave.
You have to be firm and have no emotion in your voice - neutral energy - pretend he is a co-worker you don't like but have to be civil with.
Here are some good videos, and, while they don't relate directly to your situation, they help you to be firm with people and the tones of voice to use when dealing with user/narcissist/manipulator types of people; I've found the videos to be helpful in dealing with real life situations with people like this.
Saying goodbye to toxic friends (this shows how to set boundaries - and the voice tones)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEbxppDy9DM
emotional vampires - family at arms length
Source(s): 4mingthoughts - you tube - Anonymous9 years ago
Probably the very best thing to do is to spend some completely alone time with him and explain to him exactly how you feel. Give him a chance to respond, to explain. He may be unconscious of his actions.
Or, lie and tell him you’re in a hurry because you have something you have to get to.
But completely clearing the air would be best. Then, he’ll fully understand and if he chooses to not change his ways, he’ll know that your feelings are justified.
