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Naomi
Lv 4
Naomi asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 9 years ago

What to do about a controlling biological father i met later in life?

I have a dad, but at the age of 21 i recieved a message from a man on facebook claiming to be my biological father. After discussing this stranger with my mother she confirmed it was true, he was. A year after finding out i decided to go meet him and his family because he had two young daughters 15 and 12 and they were having a birthday party.

He has always been pressuring me to do more with him, not respecting my decision when after a dinner out i decline going back to his house and he will ask me atleast 5 times until i feel i have to go.

I am now 23 and the oldest girl just turned 17. I have had enough of his pressuring and complaining ways, i have tried to talk to him MANY TIMES but he thinks i am imagining it all and that his pressure is neccesary. I did not feel comfortable going to the birthday party for the eldest so i said i could take her and her sister out to the cinemas and lunch for a day out together. Even though i dont want to be involved with my biological dad i dont want to cut my half sisters off.

Because of this and the way that once i go inside it is almost impossible to leave before 12am! I informed him by email in a very direct and clear way that he clearly requires, in past birthday parties he has hovered around me and i feel it distracts from the birthday girl so on the day i take them out i dont want to go inside because the day is about the half sisters birthday...not about him spending time with me as in the past he invites himself to things and uses them as manipulative tools against me.

He then decided to show the girls this email and because they are so young they feel i dislike them because of the direct nature of the email intended for an adult who has trouble accepting "no". They are now hurt and i do not know how to deal with my biological dad without him trying to get in the middle of everything. I have tried talking to him to back off a bit but he is unrelenting.

3 Answers

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  • Serene E
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Look, dear, be the adult in this relationship. If you want to back off from the relationship, don't answer his phone calls or texts for a while. If he comes by, tell him face to face that he's pressuring you too much, you dont like it and you refuse to take it.

    Be strong, be brave and have a relationship that you want to have with him. If he gets pissed and leaves, well, then that's what happens.

  • Liv
    9 years ago

    This is arelly tough situation. You sound like you are handling it the way any normal person would handle it and it does sound like he is a bit controlling. I would consider, however, looking at it from his point of view. Do you know the circumstances in which he didn't see you growing up? Was he kept away from you by your mother and now he is trying to make up for lost time which he feels was stolen from him? Did he legally give you up and now has guilt for his actions 23 years ago?

    Whatever the reason it isn't fair to you to force you to spend time with him before you are ready. It sounds like you have been quite firm with him about your position. I hate to give an ultimatum, but you may have to tell him that his persistant ways are causing you to feel a little uncomfortable and if he continues this way, you will have to stop visiting him. That may cause him to stop with his controlling attitude.

    If he doesn't you may be able to get in touch with the girls and meet up with them first, then try again with your dad.

    Good luck!

    Source(s): Life :)
  • rocky
    9 years ago

    trying to make up for the years of neglect by being the total opposite will not remove the guilt he has carried with him since the day he left. no matter how much he denies it to anyone that its not his fault in his quiet moments guilt kicks in and he cant rid that feeling..i know ive lived with similar situation.tell him to back off until you forgive him for a lost childhood..regards half sisters thinking you dont like them..just say to them,you have a mind of your own,judge me by what you know of me not by what you hear ..and the truth will always shine through because you dont dislike them..good luck

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