How can I get an audience with the Queen?

Slaying a dragon would put you in solid with Her Majesty, I hear, Alan. And that's a PRIVATE audience. As for a public audience, I hear she's out an about all the time, so I suggest showing up and waving a big sign: Hey, Liz! Call me at 3333.

If nothing else, you'll make the papers! :)

Only members of the Peerage are entitled to an audience with The Queen. You will have to commit to a lifetime of service to the Crown and even then it is not guaranteed that you will be elevated. You might also marry into the royal family. It is customary to grant commoner males who marry princesses an Earldom. Once you are a Peer you have what is known as "the Queen's ear."

You will just have to make do with an audience with Elton John broadcast on 27 September 1997

Perhaps one should look for An Audience with Queen, dear boy? Though one may find it necessary to fast forward through Bohemian Rhapsody as it is such an interminably long ditty.

I believe the Queen Mother handles all Her bookings, dear boy. You can write to Her care of Buckingham Palace and make a request. If I were you, I would enclose a "little something" in the envelope to help your cause, so to speak.

It wont be the same without Freddy though innit Alan.

If you were in a position to actually get an audience, you would already know that. She meets with numerous people.

xx