How can I be polite and get my mother-in-law out of our apartment?

Question

My fiance and I will be moving into our new apartment in August. His mother recently moved out of state this past January. Since her move, she has already made four trips back home for various holidays, birthdays, or family gatherings, all trips lasting over 3 weeks. She stayed with my fiance and his dad (her ex-husband). It was a weird arrangement but now that we will be getting our own apartment together, she would like to stay with us during her visits home. This includes everyone's birthday, all major holidays, and our wedding and wedding related activites.

I wouldn't mind if she had arrival and departure dates within reason. She also expects to bring her two dogs with her (that do NOT get along with my dog). She tends to have an idea of when she will be going back to her home, but finds reasons to stay extra days. 

My fiance feels that because his mother lives out of state he never gets to see her anymore, and because I get to see my mother as much as I want, that I should let her stay as long as she wants. He has already told her she can come stay with us the week after we are moved into our apartment.

He has an older brother that lives about 40 minutes from our apartment, which she is also welcome to stay with, but she feels as if him and his girlfriend need their privacy (like we don't...), and it is too far from the area that she wants to be staying in.

Again, I wouldn't mind if she stayed for a few days, or if she could stay some of the time at her other son's home. She chose to move out of state and it's not my fault that I don't want to run a free hotel service out of an apartment that I am paying for.

Advice? Or how could I talk to my fiance about this?

sinisin · Accepted Answer

Eek- you may be sick of hearing this- but your husband has got to be the one to talk to his mother about this.  Tell him you understand that he wants to visit and misses his family and you understand (if you leave this part out- you're done!) Then, explain to him the reasons you are uncomfortable with this arrangement and ask him to meet you halfway. Come up with a plan you can both agree on, and have HIM tell his mom.  Example- Mom, you can stay with us on Xmas, 4th July and Uncle Harry's bday- but to be fair, the other holidays can be spent with (bro-in-law down road.) Also, because the dogs fight, I'll need you to leave them at home because we just don't have the money to board them while you're here, and we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves if anything happened to your Fido.  Best of Luck!!!

? · Answer

i think of you and your husband could attempt and circulate out as quickly as you may. that's in basic terms inflicting a marvelous kind of unneeded stress on your dating. This dating between your MIL and Tina sounds in basic terms weird and wonderful too me. for sure there's no reasoning at this think approximately time. attempt and circulate and then attempt working on your dating with the inlaws. till then, it would not be a stable concept to rock the boat in an attempt to talk. you do no longer could desire to make the placement extra uncomfortable. in case you and your husband are finacially no longer able to lease a place, possibly look into some variety of help or housing assitance. do no longer enable her purchase you a crib once you're nevertheless residing there nonetheless, she would have the ability to use it as leverage and push it on your face each and every risk she gets. in case you progression and he or she nevertheless needs to purchase a crib, enable her, thank her for it, and this type she would have the ability to no longer have the skill to hold it over your head.

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How can I be polite and get my mother-in-law out of our apartment?

2 Answers