Is it selfish for me to leave now?

Question

Bascisly I'm hoping to leave my family soon. I need to get away it's all getting to much! But I feel bad when I even humour the thought because my family do rely on me somewhat. 
When I was ten my mother left us.

I have two older brothers and one younger brother who's starting GCSEs soon. One of my older brothers has autism and other numerous issues which require medication and hospital appointments and the like meaning he needs attention.

When my mother left I'm not sure how but I sort of took over the roll of a mother. It started with helping my grandmother (who can no longer help since I was 13) look after my youngest and older brother. I did the cleaning and gathered the washing and helped with cooking. Then from the age of 12 I started doing all the cooking and cleaning along with the weekly shop and my grandmother would come and survey what I was doing. Then she stopped coming over and I found my self getting my brother ready and helping my farther with my older brother.

When I was 15 I was taking my brother to school and my older brother to college. My younger brother has always been in trouble and I started attending his parents meetings and the one the school get in touch with. I found my self giving my oldest brother his medication and caring for him and going to his appointments making excuses for my farther. This was all on top of the chores I was already doing (I literally cook every meal in this house and no one else cleans) and trying to study for school. My social life I was somewhat scraping together loosely by this point

.I'm 18 now and I am now officially the contact number for my younger brother. He's out of control! He does somewhat listen to me but he's so angry, I picked him up last month because he had been getting into fights. When I picked him up he was crying and when I brought him home he punched me in the stomach and ran off. When he came back we didn't mention it and he ate his lunch and we sat down and did all the work he was given

Pete · Accepted Answer

You need to tell your father that he needs to step up his responsibility as far as handling your brothers. If your grandmother is.still able to help, talk to her, and see if she will. If you.can, contact your mother. Explain to..her that she made your.brothers and she needs to live up to thr consequences of that by at least being somewhat responsible for them.

Selfish? Yes and no. You need to get out of the house because you have your life you need to lead. The older you get, the harder it becomes to do that. Do you want to ne caretaking your brothers your whole life? No. But by staying you could.be putting yourself in that position.

It is selfish, but in a good way. There are times when serving can get so overwhelming that it can consume you. By leaving, basically saying "no more" you are taking control of your own life and not letting it be determined by others and their lack of doing their personal responsibilities.

Leaving doesnt have to mean severing yourself from the family. It can mean getting a rental somewhere not too far and helping out now and then. So it doesnt have to be cut and dry "Im gone" either. Just make sure that if you choose that option that you dont go back to old habits- just now with a commute... Hope this helps...

? · Answer

It is not selfish to move, or to want a life of your own.  However knowing what you know about your brothers you need to do this so in an acceptable way.  If they require care and you are no longer willing/able to do so, you need to make arrangements for them, whether it be having someone else come in to do this, or handing them over to whatever government agency handles domestic situations in your locale.  

I don't think you really want to ditch them, but it's a heavy burden to carry for anyone, let alone someone your age.  Minimally see if you can find someone to come in and assist you.  There may be agencies that would provide this and pay for it based on establishing a need for it.  Look for help before walking away totally.

Anonymous · Answer

Shame on ur mother 4 leavin her children!! and wher is ur dad??? Well done 2 u 4 lookin after ur brothers BUT u hav ur own life 2 live... u havent had a child hood and in answer 2 ur question NO u are not selfish 2 leave... u r an adult and i think its time 2 live ur life.. good luck xx

Anonymous · Answer

It's a very hard decision to make. Your life is important as well as your family. You do this on your own.

? · Answer

Give a rethinking.

Anonymous · Answer

You can't leave.

Trending News

Is it selfish for me to leave now?

6 Answers