Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.

Divorced, now ex wife wants to try to try to work it out?

We were high school sweethearts, together for 22 yrs, married for 15, went to college together. Graduated and waited another 2 years to get married. Married for 6 yrs before having kids. Did it all by the book. My ex went back to school about 3 yrs and landed a job after being a stay at home mom. She met and fell in love with a married co-worker. I think the affair was on for about 3 months before I found out. So much sneak texting, secrete meetings and all it makes me ill to this day and we have been divorced for 8 months. I spoke to her married lovers wife about the affair and it really pissed off my now ex and her married lover. They had porn sent to my work and home under my name, mean and threatening texts etc.... She did not want to work on the marriage back then and just wanted me gone. Now, 8 months later she wants to try and work things out. A week or so ago, I was in bed at about 2 in the morning and who I thought was my daughter shook me and asked if she could sleep with me. I said yes sweetheart just get in and don't wake your brother. Turns out it was the ex. She found the key in the flower garden, let herself in at 2 a.m. and crawled in bed with me. Is this normal after an affair for the cheater to want to come back? Is this a classic case of the grass was not greener? Can cheaters really be sorry for what they did? Or, did her and her lover just not work out and I am plan B? I love my kids so much and would do anything to give them 1 home again but I just don't think I can do this. I have came so far in the past 8 months that I don't want to go backwards. Any thoughts/experiences?

13 Answers

Relevance
  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Is not like I have the experience but even though you love your kids very much you will do them a favor respecting your own heart regarding this one. They want their parents happy. You will be a better father if you are a happy person first. Which of this two options (giving your ex a chance, not giving her a chance) will bring you happiness? Concerning love and self esteem?

    Maybe you don't even need to choose one of this options, but a third option like becoming friends with your ex for a period of time and giving you two a chance to interact and then realize if you should be together or not. Propose her this, with no bed excursions allowed. Don't hurry up things, let time tell you if you want / need this second chance with your ex wife. Is she wants you she needs to respect your time.

    Her behavior regarding sending you emails, etc... is childish, even troubled. She needs to show she is worth the trouble and sneaking in your bed is not a demonstration of that. She is clearly a bit out of control. Independent of your choice communicate with your kids always so them can understand what's going on.

    Ah, and I think cheating is not a sign she didn't love you anymore, but a sign she was in a moment of crises of even bored with her life in the meaning of routine. People do commit mistakes. She might as well keep being selfish and wants to save the marriage because she feels guilty. She needs some time alone... Of course she misses her family.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    1

  • 5 years ago

    You may be wondering how to get your ex back when he has a another if you're still in love. Go to see more: https://tr.im/ZREkS

    Is there anything more difficult than seeing the man you still love with another woman? It's emotional torture and for many women it's something they have to deal with on a daily basis. Wanting him back after the break up is one thing but when he's already moved on and is dating someone new, it becomes a much more challenging situation. There is a right way and a wrong way to handle a situation like this if your goal is to get back together with him. Understanding the steps you need to take and what you have to avoid at all costs, will allow you to have the best chance of becoming the woman he loves again.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Its pretty classic. As a woman, I've experienced this many times with ex-boyfriends and an ex-husband. They're so sure when they leave, but give them six months or so and they just want to go back to the way things were. You've moved on and why should you give up all that hard work and heartbreak and dealing with it just to be put through the wringer again? They've already shown what kind of person they are and you know darn good and well its going to happen again. How can you even trust this person? You say you don't want to go backwards, so don't.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Bobbie
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    As I have told all others who have been cheated upon; IF he is willing to do the work to rebuilt the trust in the marriage fine, then you might consider the options. BUT, of he just wants to jump back into the relationship as if he has a free pass; no dice. He must see that what he did was wrong; he must genuinely want to do the right thing to put the marriage back on the right path. All this work is on him as he is the one who broke the trust now its up to him to mend it..if at all possible. Some men simply do not have the tenacity and desire to do the work..they are sill immature and it’s all about what they want and what they feel…in other words sill babies.

    I would strongly recommend a 3rd part or counselor to mediate this mess and guide you both through the prosesses..should you decide to give it a shot.

  • 9 years ago

    B4 u do anything - Think about WHAT U WANT .

    U said ' It makes me ill 2 this dy thinking about the

    affair.'

    Personally , if it happened 2 me I' d never go back.

    Once someone has disrepected u that much...its a

    bit like' we had a great time but....'

    B honest -u didn't like the person u saw.

    If u really believe she'changed....give it some time.

    Let her 'prove it'

    Mayb even go 2marriage counselling.

    I'd b suspicious of an ex breaking in at 2am, waking

    me so she could get in2bed ?????????

    Breaking +Entering !!

    I wish u luck in what u decide.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    The reason you know all of these things is because the daughter tells you and your new wife everything the ex-wife is saying, right? While letting her know that she can always talk to you about anything, make a new rule with your daughter. Tell her that her mother is entitled to her opinions and that she may listen to them at her house, but that her mothers opinions have no place in YOUR home. Ignore it as best you can and it will be a good example for your daughter to follow regarding her mother's spitefulness. Misery loves company...don't give her any.

  • Naki
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    Relationships like such are doomed from day one and your ex wife should have known what she was getting herself into. She really expected her relationship with that guy to last? She was just unhappy with you and thought this guy would save her from the boring misery that you and her created, but at the end of the day she misses that life shes been trying to run away from for so long because it offered her stability. If you want to allow yourself to fall into this trap again then go right ahead. She can't just come around when things aren't going great for her after she hurt you for so long...unless there's something that you aren't telling us about you...back to the point...shes been doing you dirty and now she has remorse, but I wouldn't let the dirty dog in so soon. You and her need to have a nice long conversation and she needs to act like a woman not a spoiled little girl. Tell her what she needs to do, what you want her to do and what she did to you. Let her know that you aren't letting her off the hook so easily just because shes howling to come back to you. Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    The question is 'do you want to work it out?' If the answer is no, tell her that, change the locks and block any and all emails, texts, and any other communication from her...at home and at work. May not hurt to alert your IT dept that she or her ex-lover may be attempting to send porn to your work email, they can block it so it won't get in at all. PS...I wouldn't want to go backwards in your situation either.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You know it will never work out. True, you may show some leniency because of the child but thats it. She may be pregnant or have an STD or crabs. Leave it alone and visitation to biweekly as agreed.

    This is non forgivable and Karma is a *****.

    Source(s): Life at 49.
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.