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We a have been divorced for 2 years. She had an affair with a married co-worker. We were married for 15 years, together for 22 years total. We have 2 great kids.

She has been sending me so many mixed signals lately. She called last week on a night that I had the kids. She called just for the hell of it. Really did not want anything, just to talk. Had a "missing you" tone to her voice. Her car broke down a couple of weeks ago. Called me for help and my advise on what to do. My pipes froze a few weeks back, I guess the kids told her. She called/text for a few days in row saying she was worried about me out in the cold, offered to bring me over hot chocolate, offered her shower to me. Around Christmas she text me out of the blue asking if I ever thought about getting married again ( to her ). I replied back " only all the time ". She replied back "me too ;) ". She has asked me to go sled riding with her and the kids when the kids have a snow day. She wanted her and I to escort our 12 year old daughter to her dance dinner, but her and I sit separate from my daughter and her date. I turned all the above down.

BUT, she goes quiet soon after. I know for a fact she spent all Thanksgiving day with her affair partner. He and his wife are separated and most likely headed to divorce, so he is clear and free. So not sure if I am seeing these "signals" because I want to.

BUT, she goes cold/quiet soon after. I know I should not want to get back with a cheater, but I was not the innocent victim. I did not cheat, beat or gamble, just got to comfy and some smooth talker snuck right in. So what do you think? Are these signals or her just being nice? I would love to get our family back together.......

How does it make you feel that someone decided that their life was better without YOU in it? How does it make you feel that someone can walk away from 20 + years of history? How does it make you feel that someone gave up somewhat financial security only to struggle in making ends meet? How does it make you feel that for someone who desperately wanted a solid family life, yet divorced and broke a home, not in the slightest thinking how the children would fare? How does it make you feel that the one person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with now does not turn to you for questions, support or calls to just see how your day is going? How does it make you feel that one person you still love has about the same feelings for you as they do a fence post? How does it make you feel that the person that divorced you is now feeling lonely, cries all the time, not enough money to put food on the table, pay the bills or keep the car running, yet still would take that over being married to you? The divorcing person has no guarantee that they will ever find true love again, yet they are willing to risk it, and not work on the marriage, but still would rather cast their lot in the unknown rather stick with what they know. How did you cope?

We have been divorced for 2 yrs now. She just called me, I mean just, as in 5 minutes ago to tell me of a dream. She had a dream that I got my current girlfriend pregnant and that she ( ex-wife ) would watch our child as my GF and i went out. She said in her dream, she was more than happy to watch our child since she felt it was somewhat a part of her ( ex wife ).

My ex wife divorced me after having an affair with a married co-worker. About six months after the divorce, my ex wife realized what a mistake she made and tried several times to talk me into reconciliation. I told her no. Up until around two or three months ago, for the past year or so she has done everything possible to get my attention. She invited me on her and the kid's vacation this year. Called to get my advice on almost every aspect of her life. Would come to me with tears in her eyes saying how unhappy she was and she wished we could be a family again.

She used to be jealous of my girlfriend and asked if her and I were spending weekends together etc... I guess my question or questions are these:

- Is she finally over me?

- Why would she be having dreams of me anyway?

I know I should not care, but I have to admit it was nice knowing that I was not as easy to walk away from as she first acted. But while she was telling me about the dream, she was laughing about it and telling me about it as if she was telling a friend. We were married 15 years. Together 22 years total. Two awesome kids. I think her and the affair dude are still somewhat together.....

Rant of the decade!!!!! Divorce sucks. Married for 15 years, together for 22 years total. Two freaking awesome kids. Good job, great middle class life. Camping trips, family nights on most Friday nights. Wife was a stay at home mom. Had it all. She re enters the work force - BOOM has an affair with a married co-worker. Everything is gone. Home, family, the feeling of security, faith in all things I thought were true, EVERYTHING!

But what hurts the most is where I work. I work with 6 other guys in a bank of offices. We are all between the ages of 35 and 45. Some of the guys have really young kids and some have kids the same age as mine. When we meet at the water cooler for our every twenty minute 15 minute break all of the talk revolves around the married life. Things like " you're not going to believe what my wife was cooking last night when I got home". Or "Damn, my wife does this every time - when she opens the dishwasher, she lets the door slam open..... " You know, the little problems of marriage. The fun things. They are all married except me. I feel like the odd man out. I hear all the phone calls from the wives just calling to check in on their husbands to find out how the day is going or to tell them something cute the kids have done. I MISS THAT SO MUCH!!!!! Nothing will ever be the same. No matter if I fall head over heals in love again with someone, it still will never be what I had in mind a marriage and or family should be. I remember when I moved out of the marital home. I went through the photo album to take my share of the pictures of the kids. The ex and I were together 12 years before the kids came along. There were over 500 pictures of just her and I thrown in the trash. 12 years of history. Our home comings, proms, high school memories, honey moon, our first night in our apartment, our first night in the house we finally bought, us in the nursery room we had just painted and decorated in anticipation of what was to come. All of that, the years, the memories, the hopes, the dreams - right in the trash can...... The thought of her and I dancing at my daughter's wedding, moving them into college together as a family.... GONE. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel. Divorce sucks. Avoid it if all possible. And one last thing, why do men have nipples anyway????????

So,

Two years ago my then wife re-entered the work force after 15 yrs of being a stay home wife/mom. We were high school sweethearts, two great kids, I had/have a good job. We owned a home, saving for retirement, making plans for kids college education.... Anyway, she starts her new Job in June of '11 and tells me in October of '11 that she wants a divorce. Turns out she fell in love with a married co-worker. We were divorced in January of '12. Everyone, especially alot of folks here told me "it will never work. They are both cheaters, this will come back to haunt them etc...." Well, I thought everyone was right for a while. Up until a few months ago, the ex wife asked me a few times to try and get back together, she has found my key in the flower garden, let herself in and crawled in bed with me. She has told me in the past 6 months or so how unhappy she is. Asked me to go on her vacation with the kids this past August. To all of this I said no of coarse. So yesterday i get a text from a friend and she tells me that she ran into my ex and her affair partner out and about.

Just last week she called me when her car broke down. Like an idiot, I went and helped her. Why didn't she call Mr. Wonderfull? I thought affairs never worked out? So unfair!

We have been divorced for 2 years. She cheated on me and left me for other man. Our divorce got UGLY!!!! I am over the majority part of it for the most part. Anyway, we now somewhat get along. She is always pulling stunts like using the kids front door key to come into my house at all hours of the night.

She calls me last night and tells me her car broke down. I show up to where she is and she is almost in the middle of the road. I had the kids with me by the way. I push her car off the road because it was snowing and getting bad. I take her and the kids to her house while I work on the car and wait for the tow truck. It did not arrive until 1 in the morn. I'm out in the freezing snow thinking to myself, what a schmuck, here I am out in the cold working on her car while she is home dreaming about being with Mr. Wonderful this weekend. I don't think they are still together but still, why didn't she call him? I do not think she has moved on very well from the divorce. She has asked me several times if we could try again. So what do you think. Does that make me look like a nice guy or spineless weak man for helping her?

I went on my true first date lastnight since my divorce. I think it went really well. Good, non stop conversation, a few laughs and so on. We only met for an hour and a half, drove seperate.... I asked her if she was free this Saturday night and if she were, would she like to go to dinner. She hesitated and said she would have to look and see if she has plans, baby sitter and the like. Not sure I was too convinced of her reply. I mean she had to anticipate that she would be asked that right? So whats the plan for that? Do I text her to follow up? And if so, when?

Also, on a funny note, as I walked her to her car, I asked her if I could have her number. She said sure. I got my phone out of my pocket and openned up my contacts, squinted my eyes at her and asked " what's your name again?" Totally playing around. She answered me as if I was not kidding. I told her that I was only kidding. Wow that one back fired on me.

So, do I pester her daily, what until Thursday? I've been out of this game so long.

And yes, before you answer Braveheart, I know this belongs in dating but I feel I have put my time in on the Divorce section.............

I was married for 15 years, together for 22 yrs. She had an affair and divorced me two years ago. Today would have been our 17th anniversary. I dropped our son off at her house ( our married house ), and I still cannot believe that is no longer OUR house. It's as if I am wishing the best years of kids' life away. I cannot wait for holoween to be over and I am DREADING the holidays. I wish we could just fast forward from today to Jan 5. I used to love and look forward to these times.

It's as if I am only surviving, not living. I am by no means suicidal, I would never do anything like that, BUT I kind of can't wait to die. It's not that I am not over the ex-wife, cause for the most part I am. It's the whole split family thing I can't deal with. I'm 42 years old, two kids and a good job. The other day I went to Urgent care and had to list my DAD as my emergency contact!!!! The feeling of being alone is marrow deep. Totally sucks. I think I am going to spend this entire weekend driving around searching for a burning building or house. I would love to die saving a bunch of kids or puppies, hell I would even settle for saving a pot-bellied pig. Anyone with me on this? If you want to join me this weekend, let me know. I live in the Cincinnati area. We can wear capes and masks and go out like real heroes!!! Any one else feel this way about divorce? Does this feeling ever end?

A little random info, not important but I feel you guys are my best friends and I can lean on you to vent and you will listen. I was not the perfect husband. I got way too comfy and kind of went into coast mode. I never cheated or drank heavily or gambled our savings away. I can see why she had the affair. Hearing sweet nothings from someone that you are not hearing from your husband would be exciting, I get that. So I am not the little victim here. BUT, she brought this d bag INTO my house and introduced him to me as a friend. We drank tea at MY table that I built until midnight or later. They were probably playing footsies under the table. I had so much faith in her and in our little family that I bought this " he's only a work friend" hook line and sinker. Okay, i'm done. Thanks for listening. You are all invited over to my house and we will all take a shower together. Have a good day and let me know if you smell any smoke.

P.S. - Where is the spell check on this new format?????

We were married for 15 yrs. We have two awesome kids. We are both great parents, very involved. She re entered the workforce and fell head over heals for a married co-worker. She had an affair. She wanted me out so bad and him in so fast she did not even hire a lawyer for the divorce. This d-bag is separated from his wife but not yet divorced. I am not sure if my ex and this dude are still together or not. I tend to think not. My ex sent me a text about a week ago stating that she wants to try again, that she misses me and what I brought to the table in the relationship and that I am important. Like I need her to validate me.....

Anyway, when i read between the lines this is what I hear - " My married lover has kicked me to the curb, things have not turned out like I thought so I guess I want to get back with you if I have to".... What else could this be? She had time to think about this, weigh her options before cheating and divorcing me. At the time, apparently, it was the right decision in her mind. How else could she walk away from 22 years of history, break up our family and make such a life changing decision. She has been miserable since day one of divorce. I think she acted too quickly. She has came to me ALOT crying about how she is not doing well and this was not what she thought it would be.

I'm not going to play the innocent victim here. Although I never cheated, abused or drank, I did get a little comfortable and kind of went into coast mode. I can see from here point of view how exciting something new and fresh would be. But we could have EASILY fixed this. But once a third party is in the mix, that is a horse of a different color. It's too late, right? getting back with an ex spouse never works out, right? Please talk me out of this. My head tells me no but my heart tells me yes. I would love to get our family back together.

I was listing to the radio this weekend. This bluegrass song came on, I really liked it. It talks about headstones, or tombstones or maybe grave stones.... The hook was _____stones don't tell stories like that. Or something very close. Basically it's about this woman that lost her husband and her daughter grows up asking her questions. By the end of the song it's her grand daughter asking her these questions. And something about the little girl rubbing her little fingers across the words.......

Need your help.......

How do you get blood out of carpet? I mean ALOT of blood!!!!

She had an affair and we divorced a year and a half ago. She has not moved on very well. Still cries, asks to get back together etc.... I do not want to reconcile.

She text me yesterday and asked if she could borrow my pressure washer. I replied : " I don't think that is a good idea. What would our significant others say about us borrowing things from each other."

She replied today - " This is 100% on you. Everyone in my life would be fine with me borrowing something from someone who is the father of my children and who I consider a friend."

The thing for me is that borrowing things creates somewhat of a bond. The only bond I want with her is our children. For what she did to me ( I will list later ) we are not friends, buddies, pals or bff's.

What she did to me:

Re entered the work force and fell in love with a married man.

Brought him to our HOME and introduced him to me as her friend from work

I drank tea with him until midnight at my kitchen table, had no idea anything was going on.

Gave him a birthday while still married to me, before I knew she was having an affair - the card said that she loved him more with every breath she took, could not wait to wake up in his arms every morning.

I want to reply to her but I want it to be deep and meaningful, not mean and anger filled sating that what she did to me does not constitute friendship and that we are not friends. But as you can see I am not the most articulate person in the world and I need your help.

Thanks.

My wife ( ex ) had an affair with a married co-worker. She fell head over heals in love with him. Wanted me out so fast, she did not even hire a lawyer. I know that he and his wife are separated but not yet divorced. We divorced over a year and a half ago. So if this d-bag and my ex wife wanted to be together so bad, wouldn't it have happened by now? He is somewhat available and my ex is 100% available. Why aren't they together? They may be together somewhat, maybe a little under ground, but why? She is divorced. the affair is out in the open. Nothing else to hide. Anyway, she wants to try again with me. What would cause a spouse to have an affair, get a divorce and than want to reconcile? Sorry, but I do not have alot of detail on my ex and her lover as far as if they are together. I tend to think not because when my kids need something or get sick and want to stay with her or if I want to re arrange kid weekends, she is ALWAYS free to do so. i have not heard once, " sorry I can't, I have plans" I just wonder if he kicked her to the curb or what would make a spouse do that?

We were married for 15 yrs, together for 22. 2 awesome kids. There was never any cheating or abuse from me, ex wife claims to have just fallen out of love with me.

Been divorced for a year and a half. Wife (ex) re entered the work force and an affair with a married dude. We divorced shortly after I found out. My ex wife has asked me if we could try to put it all back together again. I told her no. We were married for 15 years, two awesome kids. When I drop the kids off at the ex'es house, she kept the marital home, I should have a million great memories of that house. I carried both children across the threshold for the very first time. Both children took their first steps in that house. Both children said " daddy " for the first time ever in that house. Both children took their very first step in that house. Opened their very first Christmas present in that house. First birthday parties in that house.... You get the idea. When I am sitting there in the drive waiting for the kids, all I can think about is that D-bag in my house, WHILE I WAS MARRIED, not only in my house but most likely in my BED with my wife. A million good memories are trumped by a few bad thoughts. How is that even possible? The only reason that I would consider getting back with her is because I know I was not the greatest husband, I have never played the little victim here. I never abused, cheated or drank too much. Just got a little too comfortable and maybe took things for granted. But damn, if she was having issues, why couldn't she have came to me and we could have worked it out and avoided her having an affair. I think she is seeing that now and really regrets it, but it's too late, right? I mean getting back with an ex spouse never works out, right? It would never be the same. EVER.

We were married 15 years. She reentered the work force and fell in love with a married co-worker. I found out the hard way, his wife showed me a b-day card my then wife gave to her husband. We have been divorced a year and a half. She has yet to let it go. I met her at the grocery store a few days ago. She was walking out as I was walking in. I said something to her cute and clever, as I always do and we continued walking our separate ways. No big deal. So I am in the corner of the store digging in the frozen fish cooler, turn to put my stuff in the cart and there she stands. She has this blank look on her face. I said whats up? She doesn't say a word, just stares. Again I say whats up? Sh says " I hate you ". I said you mean to tell me you walked all the back in here to tell me that??? Again she says nothing. I lean over my cart and kind of sort of yell " Godd@mn it ( fill in name ), what do you want from me??? Most women would love to have an ex husband like me. I am a good, involved father, I do not screw you out of any money!! I am giving you exactly what you wanted, you wanted the divorce, you wanted me out of your life. I am giving that to you. I don't call you, I don't txt you, I don't do drive by's, I don't stalk you, let you live your life while trying to live mine!!! What the f@ck do you want from me?" She starts crying and says " that's the problem ". Turns around and walks out.

We have two awesome kids. We had great little middle class family. I was not the perfect husband I know, but I was/am a hard worker, provided well. I never cheated on her, never abused or drank too much. I did get a little too comfortable and maybe took alot of things for granted on some levels. But she is the one that found her married soul mate, had the affair, wanted the divorce. I have gracefully stepped aside and let her go. Here are just a few things I have endured from her over the past 1.5 years:

Found the key to my house and "broke" in at midnight and crawled in bed with me

Her married lover sent porn to my work after me and his wife met to discuss the affair

Punched me in the mouth on Christmas morning a few days before divorce was final

Cries when we meet and tells me how much she misses me and that she is not doing so well

"Broke" into my house again a few weeks ago, got me out of bed to talk on my back deck until 4 in the morning

Showed up uninvited on a camping trip I was on with the kids.

Too much more to list

If this is what she wanted, and per the b-day card she gave to this dude, she is madly in love with him, why is she pulling all this crap when all I am doing is just trying to pick up the pieces and move on?

We have been divorced for a year and a half. We were together for 22 years, married for 15. We have two awesome kids. After years of being a stay at home mom she re-entered the work force and feel in love with a married co-worker. She was so in love and wanted me out so badly she did not hire a lawyer. She was headed to a life of bliss with her married lover once both of their divorces were final. She divorced me, but the other dude and his wife are just separated. For the entire 1.5 years of divorce, about twice a month she would come to me with tears in her eyes saying how much she missed me and the family but never admitted that she made a mistake or that she wanted to get back together.

So two Tuesday nights ago, she " breaks " into my house at midnight ( as she has done a few times in the past, so no big surprise ) gets me out of bed and begs and pleads for me to give us another chance. The strange thing is, for months after the divorce I hoped and prayed for this night to come, could not wait to get back with her. But now not so much. I am about 60 to 65% healed. Meaning the good days are out numbering the bad by a few. I am just so gun shy about going through the pain if this does not work out.

In my heart of hearts, I know this could never work. She cheated, it got really ugly there towards the end. Somethings were said and done that I will never be able to forget. As much as I would LOVE to get my family back together and be the full time dad I always dreamed about, it would never work. Am I right in this thinking? Re-marry's never work out, right? I am for the most part a whole and happy person. Why would I want to go back now? Not sure that I love her as much now as I did, but with work on both our parts I know for sure I could get the feelings back. I love my kids so much. I loved our little family so much and used to have so much pride in our family, I would love to have that back. But it just would not work, right?

She had an affair and divorced me. We were married for 15 years, together for 22 yrs. I was not the perfect husband lord knows but i or our two awesome children did not deserve to be cheated on. I have totally given her want she wanted, me out of her life. We have been divorced for a year and a half. I do not wish her happy b-day which she texts me the day after asking me whats up with not saying anything. I do not wish her happy mothers day, which I heard about the next day. Not being mean,just gracefully stepping aside and letting her go. About a month ago she had to drop something off at my house. I was not there. She text me - " bat bags are on your porch, please know I hate you for real" Then last week I was out golfing with a buddy and she texts me - " just wanted to let you know I got to missing you today. Can me and the kids stop by tonight and show you something they bought"? She has tried to pick fights via text about cars in my drive and other things. I politely reply back to answer her questions but i do not take the bait for a fight and I thank this angers her more. She is the one that cheated, supposedly found her soul mate, the love of her life. Whats the deal. Why can't she just let me be? I have no idea if her and married lover boy are still together, can't say that I don't care but I just don't ask. Don't do drive Yb's or stalk her on facebook. I am just living my life and trying to move on the best I can and help raise my kids as a father should.

I have been divorced for almost a year and a half. Married for 15 years, together for 22. My then wife had an affair in the work place. I divorced her shortly after learning about it. I am pretty much over her, but not the fact of being a split family. We were drifting apart and we both knew it. But we were and are both excellent parents. We have two awesome kids that we both love dearly. The ex and I shared in the same dreams of a whole loving family. I was willing to work things out even after the affair, but she was too much in la la land with her married lover. I never thought in my wildest dreams that we would be a broken family. Always had dreams of the whole family around the dinner table at holidays, birth days, lazy saturday mornings still in our pj's until noon or later. Now, all of that is gone forever. My kids will have a step mother/step father, step brothers and sisters at some point in their lives. I never wanted that for my kids. I love them so much and were such a close little family. We took the kids to a neutral place to tell them of the divorce. My 9 yr old daughter hit her knees screaming NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! over and over again.No matter if I meet the the most perfect woman on earth, beautiful, rich, funny, loving, caring and a bag of chips - it still will never be the same. Divorce sucks! I love my kids so much, my heart breaks for them.

The ex and I were married for 15 years. She re entered the work force about 2 years ago and fell in love with a married co-worker. We divorced shortly after me finding out about the affair. We have been divorced now for almost a year and a half. She was truly in la la land for a while. Really found her soul mate. But for the entire year and almost a half of our divorce, she has not failed to come to me at least twice a month with tears in her eyes saying how much she misses me and our family. So the other day she had to drop some things off at my house for the kids. We had been getting along really well for the past 3 weeks or so. No fighting, only texting about the kids and so on. So anyway she drops off the stuff at my house and I am not there. She texts me this:

" Kids bat bags are on the porch. Please know I hate you for real!! "

My question is, if her and d-bag married dude are so damn happy, why dd she take the time and energy to send me that? I have heard that the opposite of love is NOT hate. The opposite of love is indifference. Does she sound indifferent? She had the affair, she wanted the divorce. Why doesn't she just leave me alone and allow me to move on?

The ex and I were married for 15 years. She re entered the work force about 2 years ago and fell in love with a married co-worker. We divorced shortly after me finding out about the affair. We have been divorced now for almost a year and a half. She was truly in la la land for a while. Really found her soul mate. But for the entire year and almost a half of our divorce, she has not failed to come to me at least twice a month with tears in her eyes saying how much she misses me and our family. So the other day she had to drop some things off at my house for the kids. We had been getting along really well for the past 3 weeks or so. No fighting, only texting about the kids and so on. So anyway she drops off the stuff at my house and I am not there. She texts me this:

" Kids bat bags are on the porch. Please know I hate you for real!! "

My question is, if her and d-bag married dude are so damn happy, why dd she take the time and energy to send me that? I have heard that the opposite of love is NOT hate. The opposite of love is indifference. Does she sound indifferent? She had the affair, she wanted the divorce. Why doesn't she just leave me alone and allow me to move on?