Does it ever work when you re-marry your ex?

I know three couples that were married, divorced and restored their marriages. Two divorced a second time and one is still married. But the one couple that is still married got counseling to deal with the issues that caused the divorce. I should also note that the two that divorced a second time, divorced the first time due to infidelity, while the couple that is still married divorced initially due to in-law issues.

So yes, remarrying your ex can work, but you need help to sort through the hurt and pain, and to get to the issues that caused the initial breakdown of your marriage and gain back the trust to stay united. According to Psychology Today, 67% of those that have their marriage restored stay together. http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Restore_Marriage_Aft...

You have a lot of "what ifs" that are certainly worth investigating and I personally would suggest you do so. And if in the end you decide that this isn't for you, well...at least you made the effort.

Tough situation. What I think you really need to ask yourself is whether or not you could truly and wholly trust her again.

If you can't say that you would, and do it 100%, maybe you shouldn't even consider it. If there's no trust(or that trust is broken), you dont really have a loving relationship.

The fact that you are saying that you are 60-65% is something you should definitely think about. You've healed, and she apparently hasn't. What's to stop her from looking for attention/affection again as soon as she feels better and more secure about herself?

Lastly, consider the fact that she's let herself ionto your home. What happens if you try again, and then you realize it wont work. What's she gonna do? I see a 'Fatal Attraction" situation brewing there.

Good luck to you! I've been in the same situation, except mine keeps vassilating between wanting to reconcile, and staying with the douchebag she hooked up with, but never admits that SHE was wrong.

Maybe but here is why or why not...

First thing she needs to admit she did wrong. IF she doesn't she is only trying to get back with you because she cannot find another guy as good as you.And will cheat again. If she doesn't admit she did everything wrong and was a harlot. If she doesn't see she did anything wrong then she will repeat it. She will always be able to find someone for a one night but not a guy as good as you.

I would say move on if it weren't for the kids but since there are kids involved maybe this could work.

If you really want to try then date for 4 years and at the end if she is faithful see how you feel. IF you remarry right away she will cheat. If you give her a four years to prove she has changed she might actually have learned her lesson and not repeat it. . I would tell her let's date and live separately and have complete transparency for the next three years and at the end of the four years see how I ( you the ex husband) feel. If I ( you the ex-husband) really think you( the ex wife) have changed.

Tell her we tried your way of marriage before and that didn't work. So the next four years we will be boyfriend and girlfriend there will be no talk of marriage. (You will have to stay firm and when she starts to talk about marriage say " nope" ) if you relent and talk about it earlier she will see you as week and will make your life hell. This way she gets into the mindset of being faithful since you are serious.

If you do not want to do this I understand. If you do not let her prove herself then she will feel no obligation to stop cheating.

If you do not want to do a trial period. Then tell her no we can be friends but that is it.

Also make sure you go to a lawyer and ask questions ". You don't want the state to decide that you are married when you aren't. What are the rules that you can stay boyfriend and girlfriend. I would look into that.

If you do not state the rules I can guarantee she will cheat again. If she doesn't like the four year dating period then she isn't serious about being faithful. If she is really serious about being married again she will be delighted to do the four year trial period. she may see you as a back up plan and still think she can get better ( she can't)

best of Luck to you!

EDIT: I would say since she hasn't admitted anything wrong move on. You can't force her to admit she is wrong

Also please make sure to focus on your kids if you decide to date again. Divorced men ( 70% ) date woemn younger than them 10-20 years. Please make sure you always take care of your kids. You are not lucky to have found a 20-30 year old woman divorced guys always get the younger girl's/ I have younger woemn in their 20's looking for divorced men with kids this is the norm. But make sure you put your kids first!!! As for your wife she will find someone to divorced women usually get a man 20 + years to date. If she is 40 then a 60 year old man. Or a good guy without a job for years but will be good to her and she can support him. I see 85% of divorced women with kids dating these two types of guys.

Unless you guys go though marriage counseling and figure out how your marriage and lives became so different, I think you'll face the same dilemmas and old arguments from when you were married.

Plus I think I would be cautious due to the fact that she's wanting to get back together because she's not involved with anyone right now. And that the possibility of her cheating again would remain high on my list of concerns.

I personally wouldn't take my husband back if he cheated on me.. Just because I know I couldn't trust him and probably couldn't be happy with him anymore... but if this is something you want to try again then go for it..If you both are committed in trying to make it work and try going to some marriage counseling to rebuild what you both once had then I think it would be worth trying..But if being with her is just a reminder of the pain she put you through and you truly believe that this will never work then be honest with her.. The choice is up to you, only you know what is best.. Good luck

difficult subject. What i think of you quite could desire to ask your self is whether or no longer or no longer you may desire to quite and thoroughly believe her returned. in case you won't be in a position to declare which you would be able to, and do it a hundred%, perhaps you should no longer even evaluate it. If there isn't any believe(or that believe is broken), you dont quite have a loving courting. the incontrovertible fact which you're saying which you're 60-sixty 5% is a few thing be sure to think of roughly. you have healed, and she or he curiously hasn't. what's to stop her from searching for interest/affection returned as quickly as she feels greater effective and greater take care of approximately herself? finally, evaluate the incontrovertible fact that she's enable herself ionto your place. What happens in case you attempt returned, after which you recognize it wont paintings. what's she gonna do? I see a 'deadly charm" subject brewing there. sturdy success to you! i've got been in the comparable subject, different than mine keeps vassilating between desirous to reconcile, and staying with the douchebag she attached with, yet by no ability admits that SHE became incorrect.

The problems you had before are still there staring you in the face. Now there's even more to fight over with all the new "history" you both started up recently. No it's never a good idea going backwards in life.

All she has is familiarity to you.

I agree with Point.

Don't do it without counseling.

If you search for stories about reconciliations, they are out there. Lots of success stories.

I would give it a shot, but don't let her back in without thorough counseling.

1

I could never take back a cheating spouse. Ever.