An Unfinished Random Assortment of Words – What Do You Say To a Poem In Progress?

Mock my english but I don't understand and see the necessity of these words.

Truly Hellenaiaid

Hellenic naiad

Hellencine

Nimbi illuminate (backlight )

The cumuli – those fat white clouds

That float

Like flat bottomed boats

Across blue skies.

Libido nimbus backlight

Other than that it is pretty descriptive about a beautiful maenad, I enjoyed the heavenly images portrayed by your choice of words.

But the ending line to this poem is awful

And will need more protection than knee pads.

can't this be better?

It's a pretty lengthy and ultra wonderful descriptive poetry you got here.

Would be delighted to have a few of your minutes to review my poetry.

Oh how Dionysus’s maidens have been so maligned

Despite sparkling eyes and lips that taste like wine

great two lines....really like it.

======

and wow are you horny or what??

Reveling in my silken slip I slither

Across the tapestry and backed against the mortised beams

Like a zephyr breeze that makes you quiver

No searing Auster wind could make you shiver like my heat

You’d drown yourself in my liquids in both retreat and penetration

And in the stark searness of heat and celebration

Redefine the southern winds to wet and humid revelation

For such is my nature and intent

To tame the bull, and force the lion to relent.

great as usual - dont feel qualifed to comment really

Adeline, Adeline,Adeline, I read your poem and decided instantly that you wrote it for me, however, I needed 3 cold showers afterwards. As for word removal, discard nothing, I love it the way it is. You must, however, remember some of the fruitcakes and puritans that inhabit these pages, using such phrases as fox fur or lacy brassiere (gasp) will send them ( as well as me ) into a euphoric meltdown resulting in a near permanent comatose state. Still, I love it, love it, love it. I don't know about the carpet burns though, as a clean living lad who knows nothing of the great world outside I am sure that I don't know what you mean or how I would get them.

This would have been over my head if not for dictionary.com and I am thankful for that because I wouldn't want to miss a poem like this. Now forgive my fun but I wonder if synopsis will read this and fall into the fantasy that he is the he with sore knees simply because his "name" being spoken would send him a cryptic message and he would write a thrilling sequel. I found the cell phone kept me in the here and now and my last word regarding this marvelous work is Wow.

Aurora Borealis.

I've no rea( or even Rael)l explanation for it, but reading through this, I was transported back to an old song from my younger days. The knee pads and carpet burns are a very specific image, which might put some off, but not me. However, you could try to disguise, or poeticise them as "patellaic shock absorbers and acrylic or axminster abrasions...;¬) Anyway, here's a link to the song, called Lillywhite Lilleth. (Sounds like a character from Harry Potter, now, doesn't it?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etakpPu_QJo

watching a waning moon a rising

thinking of dreams needing resizing

your poem makes me regret "single"

and gives certain parts a tingle ;)

''Oh My

Right, is it ok to say I'm waring full Body aroma Karma suture

And Knee pads ... and maybe some nice flowers in my heir

and looking at the whether Wellington Boots and a Rain jacket .

Long poem , and I'm not sure I really know what to say .

Cos I'm not very good at criticising good stuff .. :)

This is over the top of my small mind .. :) :) Thanks

Well, I thought I'd check my e-mail one more time before bed, and saw that you'd posted a question. So, I thought I'd have a quick look, and answer in the morning.

And then.....and then.

I'll be up all night. Your avatar suits you.

___________________

OK. After a scotch, a cool cloth, and some time to calm down, I tried. Oh, how I tried to look at this through the eyes of a teacher. As such, the best I can offer is this--cut the last line. The rest of it is unique, and bounces appropriately. Just enough to keep the reader off balance. It's the kind of poem (and it is a poem) that breaks most of the rules, but keeps enough to justify it. One could pick apart words, lines, etc., but to what end? Leave it be the hot potato that it is. Well done.

After 45 minutes (Homosapiens' max attention span)

I stopped reading, but will return and finish after

my headache meds kick-in.

Also, a glossary would be a unique touch.

The meter and flow have a homoscedastic quality

Kudos, adeline.