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Seriously what can I do?
Things are like this:
- I am a very ugly girl (I kinda look like a guy)
- I have pimples, scars and my skin is pretty bad
- Im fat: I want to lose weight, Im trying to and have been trying for 2 months
- My dads an alcoholic, I live with my mother
- Then again my mother is depressed, selfish, narcissist, she gossips (about everybody and about me so much); all she does is smokes cigarettes and acts depressed and blames me for things.
- My dad was abusive when I lived with him
- I started a new school 4 days ago and people there think I'm weird
- I'm shy and it's hard for me to speak to anyone or start to get to know people
- I don't know how I'll survive this school 3 more years alone
- I have no friends at all
- Everything I say my mom turns to her advantage, if I have said something mean it's been when weve been fighting and she said said mean things too, but she NEVER admits
- I start to cry so easily all of sudden, I cry about at least 5 times a day, like 15 times at worst. When I cry, all I think about is how much I want to die and how Im so freaking tired of being in this world. I cry about 2 minutes at once, but at worst I have cried like 30 minutes without any breaks..
- I force myself to do schoolwork and stuff but Im so tired. Its not just the tiredness.
- I dont even want to get up in the morning and that takes like 2-3 hours after waking up during weekends..
- People think Im weird at school and look at me weirdly and sometimes laugh at me. (Im not even imagining)
- Summer holidays have been over for almost a week and Ive got to know my rutines.. Wake up, skin cleaning, makeup, dress up, go to school, be at school, go home, be tired, eat something, take a shower, do your homework, think and cry, go to sleep... I dont want to live like this anymore. I dont want to live if my life is like this. And its not only this feeling, its the feeling that I want to die too and that Ive just lost my hope. I dont think things will get better.
- There are times I need to sleep like 15 hours.. then there are times I cant sleep. Now I cant, because I have to go to school I sleep like 6-7 hours.
- Its so frustrating my mom is depressed and then she acts she is innocent and that everything is my fault. Its like im the mom and shes the teenager.. Im just too tired. I have my own problems. And she doesnt deserve my help, after all she has and hasnt done for me.
- I think I will kill myself at some point. And Im not quite sure how far that point is.
- Im not asking for help from here. Ive asked help from the internet way too many times. I just want to know what could I possibly do. This is the last time.
- Anyway I guess there's nothing I can do. Things won't get better.
- I've tried positive thinking. I will keep on trying but I dont see a difference.
- I dont have any friends or anyone to hang at school with. (I tried to get to know a couple of people but they werent interested, when I saw this girl outside of school and then on metro station and said "hi" she didnt even answer, neither times.. She isnt popular btw)
- I sometimes even punch my jaw and chin because theyre so ugly.
- I hate going to school and being at school, people whisper stuff about me.
- I look weird
- Im so shy I cant even ASK teachers something I would really need to know
- I always think what people think about me. I just cant stand being laughed at, not anymore.
- My mom keeps on making my life even more difficult
- I have absolutely no interest in studying, doing anything, I just wanna sleep and die
- My mom doesnt even care about me, my school things. She never asks how was school and things like that. She just talks to her friends b*llshit about me.
- I get so annoyed by little things, like if my cat meows. I dont do anything but I get this horrible anger feeling like ARGHHHHHHH ;/
- I have an appointment for a psychiarist on tuesday, my parents should come there but they dont want to because I would tell truth things about them so I will have to go alone.. Should I cancel it?
- I do need help but I dont think things can get better
- Im trying to survive day by day... Its hard.
- My mom smokes cigarettes all the time and she leaves the door open on purpose all the time even though I tell her not to because IM AFRAID of bugs and she knows it
- My mom SERIOUSLY turns everything wrongly, that I tell her. Seriously... So that everyone actually thinks she is innocent and IM the bad person
- I dont know how to deal with this
- Ive called a mental issue hotline and it didnt really help me.. It actually made me feel worse because she couldnt understand me and seemed like she didnt care.
- Im so afraid
- Im tired of this; having no friends, having parents like this, school, people, society, being me, being like this, being shy, living...
- All I do is sit and think, and cry.
What can I do anymore?
- I'm 16
- Sometimes I feel like Im not on this planet. Like walking on the street, I realize Ive been walking to wrong direction. Or when Im somewhere, I dont realize it. Its like, I dont care anymore.
- Hard to make decisions.
- I sometimes just go and sit in the shower for hour or two and cry because Im so tired of this.
- Im so ashamed of THIS, and me.
4 Answers
- 9 years ago
Just by reading this i can tell that you have so many reasons to keep up hope.
You're obviously a very smart person. You described your situation so well that i was able to make up a clear picture of it in my head.
You're in a very tough situation, and that's incredibly hard to deal with. I recognize some of your problems from my own life. But no matter how hard it gets, you just have to remember that there's always a place in the world that's better for you, where you're able to start a new life and simply escape from all these problems that are only becoming a bigger and bigger burden for you to lift.
The quality of our life is measured by the amount of smiles we produce, and tears we cry. It seems to me your life is mostly filled with tears, but you have to know that there are many smiles for you and many laughs (the good ones) other places in the world.
I know this is a poor comfort, and i'm not expecting that these words alone will help you much, but if you do find any comfort in them at all, contact me on the email address below and i will be your friend :)
Ottosen93@hotmail.com
-regards, Thomas.
- 9 years ago
Well, you really only do live once and your only a teenager once, and your spending it putting yourself down. I can see your in a bad situation especially considering that your parents don't seem to be offering the proper support.
Let's start off with the fact that you've started a new school. Take advantage of that. I am very shy myself. Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone whether you like it or not. It's hard, but if you work on it, you can do it, you just need faith in yourself. Try and show people that your a good person before it's to late. Your going to have to force yourself into the open now, because if you wait to long, you become trapped. So you need to start now.
Don't cancel your psychiatrist appointment. You need to face your problems head on. If you run away from them, you'll always have the problems for as long as you live. Confront your problems, let your mother know with the psychiatrist. Your psychiatrist can help fix those problems, that's what they do.
One thing you need to do is find something you enjoy. In the last year, I discovered despite my shyness, that I really enjoy acting. Ever since then, I have dedicated myself to becoming an actor. You just need to look for that one hobby or skill you enjoy, and you've set yourself up for a good life.
You also need to have a more positive outlook at life. All you seem to do is put yourself down. Don't have a negative outlook on certain things. It's hard, but sometimes you just need to embrace things for what they are. You can never have a picture perfect life. Take what you get and leave it. Embrace your life and enjoy it. Try and picture yourself with a positive future. Tell yourself that 20 years from now, you will be successful whether it is realistic or not. Two years ago, I used to average on C's and D's at school. Soon,rather then telling myself "School sucks" I just forced myself to embrace learning. Now I enjoy school to the fullest.
I am somewhat average in terms of looks. Although I have heard a girl whispering how I am 'disgusting'. Many people think I'm weird. I honestly don't care, I enjoy life, I love life. I tell myself that I look good weather it's true or not. I walk around without a care in the world.
- 9 years ago
It seems that you are very depressed and have done everything you know to do to make things better. Please talk to your high school counselor or any teacher you trust and let him/her know all of this. There is also a national suicide prevention life line. The number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and/or go to their website at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ You don't have to go thru this alone.
Source(s): Twenty-five years as a school counselor.
