I need suggestions for making a 20 year old boy grow up?

Question

I have a 20 year old adopted son who either cannot or will not be responsible for himself. Myself and my ex-wife adopted him at five months old. I have been incarcerated for most of his life so I have had little to do with his supposed upbringing. I do not boast in this, nor can I change it since it is in the past.
He goes from place to place and finds people willing to try and help him, yet continues to lose his place to stay because he is lazy and will not try and be monetarily responsible for himself. He inevitably makes people mad as a result of this to the point they kick him out.
He has recently been kicked out of the house by his aunt who has been taking care of him for about seven months now. He will not try to get a job and keep it, nor will he mow the yard as a way to try and help lighten the duties around the house. It is unbelievable how tall he will allow the grass to grow before he is "made" to cut it!
He has now moved in with myself and my fiance. He has to be told what to do or assigned chores or he does not take the initiative to help out around the house. 
How can I find out if he is continuing to behave this way because he has been allowed to and knows what he is doing or does he even know the difference? Are there ways to figure out how I might best help him to grow up and get his own place? Also, while he is living here, he will have to have chores and help out around the house, if he doesn't do them how do you punish a 20 year old?

? · Accepted Answer

Don't provide him with anything, not even food, and tell him he needs to start paying for his room and board (food, utilities, etc). Tell him if he doesn't like it, he can find somewhere else to live.

Anonymous · Answer

You have to make him realize this is it. Treat him like an adult. The chores are his rent. If he fails to pay,  he will be put out. Don't keep giving him chances. You are enabling him by doing so

Kae · Answer

It sounds like my brother in law.. the longest job he kept was when he lived with my husband and I. We kept him in check.. he is scared of my husband(his older brother) he knew if he lost his job he'd get kicked out. We only charged him 100 dollars a month for rent so he could save up for his ownplace before myhubby was stationed in another states(my hubby is Navy). He never saved money, he spent it on stupid ****, mooched off of friends AND would talk bad about us (saying we charged him like 500 dollars a month and such). There is nothing you can do.. just let him fall on his ***.

Since getting pregnant(me) after 5 years of trying he immediately went out and started dating a girl due around the sametime as me and started telling his mom to treat her baby as her own grandbaby. You can imagine how much this hurt me and offended me. I'm glad his mother spoke her mind (the kid ISN'T his BTW). Your son needs to fall on his own *** and learn the hard way. So far my brother in law hasn't.. he's sold out information on family members (like trying to ruin his moms lawsuit with her former employer.. she hit her head and now has a form of epilepsy from it while on the job).. for money from people who want to ruin it for her.

Don't let him eat your food if he won't clean a dish.. don't let him use your tv or internet if he can't mow the lawn. Remember you are paying for EVERYTHING you can take away everything. If he won't shape up.. just kick him out he needs to learn and he knows with family they will put up with him. I would tell him to get a job within a month or so (because of the economy) or he will have to get out and if he gets fired he will be kicked out. We even took my brother in law places and forced him to apply he ended up getting a mechanics job at pepBoys.. and kept that for over a year. Once we were stationed to another state and left.. he quit the job...

Now he tries to act cool by being in car clubs and "tricking out his truck" with air bags in the wheel wells and spray painting over a PROFESSIONAL paint job that he had recently paid for (I know right..) then has the gull to ***** about how he wishes he had more money -_-....

? · Answer

A gf

but it sounds like he may be suffering from depression, i know that lack of motivation and self-isolation is a sign, maturity may be playing a role, but i know that when i was in school i failed cuz i had no motivation, not because of laziness but because of my depression and lack of motivation to accomplish anything, i went to the doctor and got some meds, and in 3 months i was top of my class the next school year, i would recommend that he goes to see a doctor... maybe it will help. idk about u but it basically saved my life, and prevented me from f*****g up my future

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I need suggestions for making a 20 year old boy grow up?

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