Revised poem again 3rd post?

Question

Alright so Im posting this a 3rd time now after having made revisions, I hope this is better


The water has receeded with the setting sun
 Leaving sand soaked shadows of the sea
 The waves had laid to rest at last
 And calmer skies bring down the sun
 First, a bright and golden shine
 It quickly fades (to) an orange glow
 And as it dies the red emerges
 Turning the blue a purple haze
 Now, halfway down, the air's on fire
 Blazing streaks into the sky
 And on the water like a dream
 The day has plunged into the sea
 In its final light above the horizion
 The clouds burn into waves of light
 And in its final moments I admire its glory
 Til the sky is black and full of stars



I figure it was better to just repost since I took up so much space with the other one

? · Accepted Answer

This  your dazzling piece will be much much improve
by punctuations;
e.g., after line 5, a semi-colon.
This IS one of those unusual special free-verses,
wherein,  strategic punctuation affords the reader
the pauses needed to manage the sheer density of lovely visual images;
Currently they `bleed` together just that bit too much still.
(imagine a film-reel at 1 and 1/2 normal speed)
so...there you go to make it a brilliant and glowing experience for your readers.
:) (: 
I know, yet poetry IS hard work... :)


*Line 1., `receded`*`

7.8/ 10
x

? · Answer

How do you are trying this? Dreadful dread and shivered kick back, O silence! beating coronary heart be nevertheless! Edgar Allen Sin Poe????? up on your skills impresses me, so does your "imprudence" in direction of yapoo to proceed reposting! do no longer no person mess with Sin! ma

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Revised poem again 3rd post?

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