Forgive a wrongdoing v. excusing the behavior?

Question

I've been researching the subject of forgiveness lately. When someone has fundamentally hurt you, either on purpose or by accident, whether you confront them or not - being able to genuinely forgive is what releases you from the pain, anger, sadness, and resentment. I keep reading this same thing over and over. 

My question is this: if this is true and to truly heal and move forward you must forgive - what is the difference between forgiving someone and "excusing" thier behavior? Everything I read says that you don't need to agree with the "wrong" in order to forgive, but doesn't it seem like forgiving excuses the wrong? And that doesn't seem to be the point - wouldn't that make it harder to forgive?

Anyone experienced in forgiveness please weigh in.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You can forgive a snake for being a snake, but it's still a bad idea to try to shake hands with the d*m thing.

"Forgive" just means lose the grudge. A grudge only hurts the one carrying it.

? · Answer

Its basically the same thing, that's why so many people are reluctant to forgive a wrong doing right away. Its like saying.. 'Oh just let them be, they didn't mean it.. besides you'll live" its not fair but it is the right thing to do. 


Also you have to aspect the person who's doing the forgiving. If they have a huge ego they will most likely not forgive and want to get you back.. if they are very sensitive they will be more understanding but still a little hesitant to forgive completely because of their sensitivity. 


And it depends on what went down too. Im not the judge of what should be forgiven and what should not be forgiven but I still say certain things are extremely difficult to get over especially when you feel like you didn't have any say so in a situation.. it just happened the way it happened. Put yourself in someone elses shoes.. how many times does a person have to experience wrongdoings or pain until they have finally had enough and retaliate? Even Jesus will return to take vengeance on all his enemies, everyone at some point will want to get back at those who has hurt them. Emotional pain is a difficult process to get over. And dont let it be from someone you have trusted and they betrayed you.. it hurts like hell.

It is so hard to say "i forgive you" and mean it deep within your heart without thinking in the back of your mind "if i had another two seconds with you, i would have beat your brains in by now".

Anonymous · Answer

According to Judeo Christian theological traditions, forgiveness MAY be granted exclusively by the person grieved, at their full discretion and ONLY if there is sincere repentance, full restitution of the material loss and full repair of the moral loss. Otherwise, falsely granting forgiveness amounts to the enabling and facilitation of evil and the escalation of abuse. Now, this principle has been hidden by the religious leaders of some religions or affiliations for obvious reasons, who strongly promoted unconditional forgiveness or a mythical forgiveness granted by God, that has no theological foundation whatsoever.

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Forgive a wrongdoing v. excusing the behavior?

3 Answers