How to live with 18 year old stepson?

Question

My 18 year old step-son is moving in with us next month and I need some tips on living with an older teenager. I have no intention of acting like his mother. He isn't my kid and I don't feel it's my place to tell him what to do with his life. However, I need to be able to live alongside him and for him to behave in a way that I think is decent and reasonable. 
Don't get me wrong, he is a great lad and we get on well, but he is an adult now and he needs to learn to manage his own life. I've already told him I won't be doing his washing or ironing for him - if he runs out of clean clothes it's his problem. We also expect him to contribute to cleaning and tidying the house and to cook for us all occasionally. Does this seem reasonable? 
What I'm worried about is how we should respond if he doesn't do what we think he should? I mean, the clean clothes thing is obvious - he'll just have to wash them himself or walk around naked. But say he doesn't do anything to keep the place clean or brings random girls back to the house all the time. If we're treating him like an adult we can't ground him or take his Xbox away, so what do we do? An adult-to-adult serious chat doesn't seem convincing somehow. My husband certainly wouldn't consider kicking him out under any circumstances, so if my stepson doesn't play the game, ultimately we're stuck with it. 
Does anyone have any tips for living with an 18 year old and offering them support in becoming independent while making sure that the 'house rules' are followed?
I have never had children by the way, and my husband has not lived with his son since he was quite young so neither of us have much in the way of parenting skills!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You and your husband have invited his adult son to live in your home. You both need to start this of as an adult relationship and not a parent/child one.

You both need to explain what is on offer and what is expected from your stepson. You need to cover subjects such as girlfriends staying over. Your husband needs to make it clear that a failure to co-habit peacefully will mean that this young adult has to find his own accommodation.

Treat him as the adult he is and I'm sure it will be fine

Anonymous · Answer

''We also expect him to contribute to cleaning and tidying the house and to cook for us all occasionally'' he is not your servant.it is your job to cook,and clean the house.yours and your husband's.he must keep his own room clean and yes wash and iron his own clothes-generally clean after HIMSELF.what exactly do you expect more from an 18 year old boy?he is 18.he should spend his time focusing on his studies and having fun like all young people of his age.or work if he isn't in university.
for how long is he staying with you and your husband?i know it's hard to deal with a teenager but since you're worried about not getting along you and your partner should help him out finding a place of his own to live.first  by finding him a job-if he doesn't have one.maybe his father should lend him enough money to go live on his own and they could make a deal that the boy will pay him off a little by little every month..
there is no other way to become really ''independent'' if you don't live on your own

Anonymous · Answer

If you are having troubles living, make sure that you carry out all of the following actions on a regular basis:

1. Breathe
2. Eat/Drink
3. Defacate
4. Sleep

Lord Famine · Answer

Sleep with him and you will get on fine it works for me and my stepdaughter .

? · Answer

youre a woman?  do his washing immediately, also you should have a walkie talkie on you at all times incase he wants a sandwich

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How to live with 18 year old stepson?

5 Answers