Fifi L'amour

I am currently on maternity leave and will be returning to work in January after 10 months. On a recent Keeping in Touch day, I was informed that when I return to work, several areas of responsibility have been removed from me and have been given to other employees. Before I went on maternity leave I received an allowance for additional responsibilities which I will no longer receive because of the changes. I feel the changes are detrimental to me financially, in terms of ,my status within the organisation and in my opportunities for advancement. What recourse do I have?

I worked with a great guy for several years and we became very good friends. I am happily married and he is also married but has been living apart from his wife for a few months after she moved to a different part of the country with her job. Last week my friend left work for a new job closer to his wife and a load of us went out for his leaving do. At the end of the night I said good bye to him, told him I'd miss him and went to give him a peck on the cheek. He stopped me and gave me a kiss on the lips instead. I don't think he meant anything by it but since he's left I keep thinking about it. It didn't seem weird at the time but it feels weird looking back. But the biggest thing is I don't feel able to tell my husband about it. I know there was nothing funny going on but I feel like my husband would think it was suspicious.

Is it normal for friends to kiss on the lips? Especially when they probably won't see each other again? And do you think my husband would see it as cheating?

My step-son is 19 and he has been living with us for nearly 2 years. His mother spoiled him quite badly and didn't ask him to do any jobs around the house but gave him a large allowance anyway. However, she was very strict in other ways - at age 17 he still had to be home by 2230hrs every night and the internet router was turned off at bedtime. At 18 he asked to come and live with his dad and I, and we agreed thinking that he would benefit from some independence and being treated like a grown-up. Ha!

During the time he has been with us, he has contributed virtually nothing to the household. He only has two official household jobs to do - put the bins out once a week and empty the cats' litter tray once per day. He will only do his jobs when he's told to and complains bitterly when we remind him to do them - god forbid we should ask him to do anything extra. He often ignores the food we make him and brings home take-away which stays in his room until he can be bothered to throw it out (we've already had pest control out twice!)

My husband and I are at the end of our tether and we don't know what to try next. He is an adult so we can't ground him or punish him. We have tried asking nicely, we have tried shouting, we have tried bribery. Nothing seems to work. We're at the point where we're going to have to tell him to leave if he doesn't start showing some interest and consideration soon. What else can we try?

I am currently 19 weeks pregnant. Two weeks ago I started bleeding (sudden, bright red blood) at work and went to A&E to get it checked out. They did an internal exam and an ultrasound scan but couldn't find anything wrong with me or the baby. They thought it might be a low-lying placenta, arranged for this to be checked during my 20 week scan next week and advised no sex until then.

The bleeding stopped after a couple of days but I have continued to find a light brown discharge when I wipe (and a small amount in my knickers - sorry for tmi). At first I assumed that it was just the last of the old blood coming out but it has continued at the same rate for two weeks now. I haven't got any other symptoms - no pain, cramps, sickness, etc. - but I'm starting to worry a bit that this isn't normal.

Has anyone experienced this themselves or know what might be going on?

If I have a daughter I want to name her after a dear friend of mine, Linda, who died a few years ago. But ... I don't really like the name Linda - I don't think it's a very feminine name and it's a bit old-fashioned now. I want something that is similar so it still reminds me of my friend but is different enough so my daughter has her own personality and isn't stuck with a name that is too old for her. As an example, I like the name Caitlin but my husband doesn't. What other names are there? Thanks.

My 18 year old step-son is moving in with us next month and I need some tips on living with an older teenager. I have no intention of acting like his mother. He isn't my kid and I don't feel it's my place to tell him what to do with his life. However, I need to be able to live alongside him and for him to behave in a way that I think is decent and reasonable.

Don't get me wrong, he is a great lad and we get on well, but he is an adult now and he needs to learn to manage his own life. I've already told him I won't be doing his washing or ironing for him - if he runs out of clean clothes it's his problem. We also expect him to contribute to cleaning and tidying the house and to cook for us all occasionally. Does this seem reasonable?

What I'm worried about is how we should respond if he doesn't do what we think he should? I mean, the clean clothes thing is obvious - he'll just have to wash them himself or walk around naked. But say he doesn't do anything to keep the place clean or brings random girls back to the house all the time. If we're treating him like an adult we can't ground him or take his Xbox away, so what do we do? An adult-to-adult serious chat doesn't seem convincing somehow. My husband certainly wouldn't consider kicking him out under any circumstances, so if my stepson doesn't play the game, ultimately we're stuck with it.

Does anyone have any tips for living with an 18 year old and offering them support in becoming independent while making sure that the 'house rules' are followed?

I have never had children by the way, and my husband has not lived with his son since he was quite young so neither of us have much in the way of parenting skills!

A friend of mine has worked for her company a long time and a year or so ago recommended another friend of hers for a job with the company. After a few months it became clear to everyone that her boss was dating her friend. They ended up moving in together and openly became a couple.

The assistant manager left the company recently and my friend's boss told her she would be taking his place. She was sent on training courses and the company paid for a couple of certifications she needed. Suddenly my friend got a warning for something she didn't do and she was told that her promotion was in question. The boss's girlfriend was given a new post on the same level as my friend and they were told that they would take on the assistant manager's duties between them. My friend trained the girlfriend to do the job and ended up doing most of the work while the girlfriend spent time with the boss.

Yesterday my friend found out that the boss's girlfriend has been promoted to assistant manager. She is totally distraught and doesn't want to go back to work. She feels betrayed by her friend and the boss.

Is it legal for the boss to promote his girlfriend when the promotion had been promised to my friend and she had been given all the training for it?

For information, when my friend was given her warning I told her at the time that it had not been carried out properly. Her boss did not tell her what the meeting was about and did not tell her she was entitled to have someone with her. She wasn't given a chance to explain what had happened (someone had logged into her PC as her, downloaded porn, taken a picture of it on her screen and sent it to the boss - my friend didn't know anything about it until the boss showed her the picture) and her warning was not given to her in writing. I told her she should have put in a complaint at the time.

She was never given a written contract and worked a lot of unpaid overtime. She even had holidays cancelled more than once meaning she lost money.

It's only a small company so they don't have an HR department or anything. The boss is completely in control. I think this is completely unfair and she should be getting legal advice but is it worth it? Has she actually been treated illegally?

Is it really true that people who have been on unemployment benefits all their life get a higher rate of State Pension than people who have worked all their life? I keep hearing people say things like this but I can't believe it is really true. Can anyone confirm this?

My friend's boyfriend was previously married to a German woman. They married in Britain and lived here together for a few years until she left him and returned to Germany. She then applied for a divorce in Germany. She left him with all her debts and he was very depressed after she left him so did not take much interest on the divorce negotiations. He doesn't seem to remember much about what happened during that time.

My friend and her boyfriend are now thinking of getting married but are worried because he cannot find the copy of the divorce certificate that he was sent at the time of the divorce. He says he definitely received it because he had to pay for an official translation of it for his pension, etc. But it doesn't seem to be amongst his documents anymore.

How would they go about ordering a copy of the divorce certificate and who would they contact to do this?

My friend is so worried that they will not be able to get married after all that I am going to try to sort it all out for her. I don't mind if it will cost a bit of money but I am only interested in using official sources - these certificate-finding companies are of no interest to me if there is a way I could get it for her myself.

If anyone has any ideas on what the process would be or even where I could start, I'd be most grateful.

I have a 2006 Corsa 1.2 SXI+ Twinport. The clutch has been creaking for a while and just now it has completely stopped working. There is no resistance when you press the pedal and it's impossible to put into gear. The brake light on the dashboard has come on (the one that comes on when the handbrake is on which it isn't). There's a trickle of liquid down the road which I assume is clutch fluid. The AA have said they will be here in an hour and a half.

How big a job is this to fix and roughly how much should it cost?

Can the AA do it at the roadside?

If not, will Kwik Fit be able to sort it out or do I need to find somewhere different?

Is this normal wear and tear (I've done over 100,000 miles in it since new)?

Or is it a sign that the car is on its last legs? (I also had to get the water pump replaced two weks ago and the electric window regulator replaced a week or so before that).

Anything you can tell me would be really useful.

When people talk about protecting British Culture, what is it they are actually talking about? What activities, beliefs, concepts, etc are essentially part of British Culture?

I have the following Pokemon, all at level 30.

Scyther

Gabite

Monferno

Psyduck

Luxio

Staravia

Haunter

Roselia

Golbat

Kadabra

Gyarados

Machoke

Togetic

(I have a lot of other pokemon I have trained to lower levels as well.)

What are the best Pokemon to concentrate on to make the best team? I have just got the 4th gym badge.

Also, what level should I train them to before taking on the next four gyms?

Thanks for your help.

My husband recently found out that he has overpaid the Child Support Agency (CSA) to the tune of £25,000 over the last 7 years.

My husband was not aware that he had a son until he received a letter from the CSA whilst serving in Afghanistan. He has never met the child and the CSA have always refused to give him any contact details for the mother so that he could try to arrange to meet.

Around the time his son turned 16, my husband insisted that the CSA find out whether the lad was going to college or not, and therefore whether his payments would stop or not. It turned out that the mother had not claimed Child Benefit since 2003, and the CSA say that because of this my husband should not have made any payments after that date. The CSA refuse to tell us why the mother hasn't claimed Child Benefit, and we are actually worried that the boy has died. We have no way to find out what has happened.

Anyway, the CSA told us over two months ago that they owed us £25,000 and would pay it back to us with interest within 21 days. The only payment we have received from them is approx £600 pounds and they promptly claimed it back from my husband's salary.

The CSA have breached their own guidelines so many times and they have specifically offered compensation after the overpayment and the interest are finally paid back to us. The thing is, we have no idea how much compensation we should go for. We are looking for compensation for the following:

If we had not paid Child Support for the last 7 years we would have no debts and a much cheaper mortgage.

My husband fell behind with his payments whilst his mother was dying from cancer and he was travelling to see her every weekend. The CSA basically said that it wasn't their problem and took the money from his salary instead. It was very distressing for him during a very difficult time and it was humiliating for him that his employers were approached to pay the CSA from his salary.

His son may have died 7 years ago and the CSA may have been making him pay for a dead son all that time without telling him.

We have been waiting two months for money that is owed to us and we are still seeing no sign of it coming back.

The hassle of trying to find out what is going on is making my husband very stressed and irritable - it's becoming like an obsession for him.

Bearing all this in mind, what would be an appropriate level of compensation, do you think?

I have just looked up someone on LinkedIn who is claiming to have a degree in Audio Engineering from the University of Central Lancashire. I happen to know he is lying about this. He doesn't even have A Levels. Also, University of Central Lancashire doesn't even do courses in Audio Engineering. It shouldn't bother me but I know he has lied about a lot of other things too. As someone who has just completed a part-time degree (which was really hard to do alongside my full-time job), I am really annoyed that he can just claim to have one without doing any of the hard work that comes with it. I'm not a member of LinkedIn, but would consider joining just for the opportunity to expose him as a fraud. What would you do?

My husband has a son that was the result of a one night stand 17 years ago. He did not find out that he had a son until several years later and has never met him. His name is not even on the birth certificate. He found out when the CSA contacted him whilst in the Army in Afghanistan and has been paying child support for the last 10 years. Even when he was back in the UK the mother refused to allow him to meet either her or the child and he felt that with his Army deployments and the moving around they have to do, he couldn't offer anything to the child (like regular contact or a stable life) so he didn't pursue it like maybe he should have done. He has now completely lost touch with the mother. We don't even know what her or the child's names are or where they are living anymore.

The son is now 16 and my husband is thinking more and more about the son he's never met. He wants to try to contact him to tell him why he wasn't around and to try to build a relationship with him. We have no children of our own and I know he is feeling sad that he doesn't know the only child he is likely to have.

We have searched the internet for the names we know, and even trawled through facebook for anyone that sounds similar, but we are drawing complete blanks. He has rung the CSA and asked them to pass on his details to the son, but they say it is a breach of the Data Protection Act. They also will not give him any information about his son, even to confirm if his name is still the same.

The only thing they have offered to do is to try to pass on a letter from my husband to his son's mother, but they say it isn't always possible and also let slip that they don't think they have the right contact number or address for her anyway.

I am in total disbelief that my husband seems to have no right to see his son, no right to make contact and no right to any help in finding him. The only thing he seems to be entitled to is paying hundreds of pounds a month.

I desperately want to help my husabnd find his son, but I don't know what else to do.

Does anyone have any ideas how to find him?

Most evenings my cat will go upstairs for a while and a bit later we hear her meowing upstairs. Then she runs down the stairs with a pair of socks or my hubby's boxer shorts in her mouth, making a "talking" sound that is part chirp, part meow and part howl. She then leaves the socks (or pants) at the bottom of the stairs or in the doorway of the living room and walks off. She has no interest in the socks after she's dropped them and doesn't come over for cuddles. She does it when we are out too as I often come home to find a variety of underwear scattered around the house.

I don't understand what's going through her mind as she does it. She is a 3 year old moggy (possibly with some Burmese in her) and was spayed at 6 months. We had her straight from her mother at about 6 weeks old (very young I know but the mother's owner didn't want her anymore) and she has done it all the time we've had her. She has a male Ragdoll "brother" who she is very close to and they both get masses of attention from my hubby and I because they are our substitute babies. They are both indoor cats who have never wanted to go outside.

Any thoughts on what she is up to?

I realised today that I haven't claimed payment for some overtime I have done over the last couple of months. I was going to submit all the claims at the same time but one of my colleagues told me that if I did, I'd get taxed at 40% on everything over my usual salary. He reckoned that each month the pay department look at how much I earned that month and times it by 12. If it's over the tax threshold in that month they tax it at the higher rate for that month then it goes back to normal for the next month. That doesn't sound right to me.

He suggested putting my overtime claims in gradually over the next few months. But I know that I'll forget about them if I do that.

I thought that they looked at how much you had earned in total for the year so far and based your tax on that, but I can't see anything on the HRMC website that confirms this.

By the way, I am on PAYE and contribute to a company pension. I don't earn anywhere near the tax threshold.

Anyone know what is right and which way I should submit my overtime claims?

I'm currently recovering from tonsillitis which I had for a fortnight or so and which eventually resulted in a peritonsillar abscess (quinsy) which needed surgical drainage as it had swelled up so much.

Part of the reason it got so bad was that I did not realise that I was ill. Obviously, I knew that my throat was sore and that I felt a bit rough, but people have sore throats all the time. I kept putting it down to different things like hay fever, must have swallowed something hard which scratched my throat, etc. Besides all that, I was far too busy to be ill. It was only when I had lost my voice and my throat had swelled so that I could hardly breathe (which happened in the space of about 5 hours) I realised things were pretty serious.

Over the next couple of days, five different doctors examined me and all of them remarked that my temperature was normal or even slightly low. At the time I didn't really care, but the more I think about it, the more I'm wondering why I didn't have a high temperature. I had a serious bacterial infection - when they eventually drained the abscess, they released 10ml of pus (the doctor perfoming the op was seemed thrilled at the amount). I should have had some kind of fever at some point. And I would probably have taken the initial problem more seriously if I had had a fever, therefore stopping this nasty illness in its tracks before it ever got so bad.

Does anyone know of a reason why I did not develop a fever? Is it just one of those things that happens sometimes, or something to be aware of in the future if I feel ill again? Or even an underlying cause that may need to be looked at?

I had two teeth removed under conscious sedation just over a week ago. After a couple of days I developed a sore throat which I put down to an after effect of the extraction, maybe from having my mouth open a long time or from swallowing food that I hadn't chewed properly because of my missing teeth.

After a few more days my throat was really really painful and I was losing my voice. I ended up going to the Emergency doctor in the middle of the night and was told that my tonsillitis (huh?) had developed into quinsy, a massive infection behind one of my tonsils.

I didn't even realise I had tonsillitis, let alone that it could be developing into anything more serious. I just thought I had a bad sore throat.

What I don't understand is could the tooth extractions cause tonsillitis? Because what are the chances of getting tonsillitis so soon while recovering from a tooth extraction??? Am I really that unlucky????

Has anyone else experienced this or anything similar. (BTW I have had absolutely no problems with my extractions at all! Weird huh?)