Do I have to go to my brother-in-law's wedding rehearsal?

Question

My partner's brother is getting married, and my partner is the best man. The rehearsal is Friday night, the wedding is on Saturday, and then on Sunday, my partner and I leave to Orlando for a family trip on my side of the family. My partner's brother and his fiancee knew about the trip to Orlando from the first day they planned their wedding. I'm stressed out about getting everything together for the trip, and I'd like to skip the rehearsal Friday night -- but is this bad etiquette? Do I have to go to the wedding rehearsal?

Update:

I have no role in the wedding -- I would just be attending the rehearsal as the date of the best man.

Update 2:

We just found out about the rehearsal yesterday -- the bride told my partner about it. But apparently, she didn't mention my name, and no one has directly invited me yet.

? · Accepted Answer

If you do not have a role in the wedding then there is really no need for you to be there. When my brother was getting married, everyone who went to the rehearsal dinner was in the wedding. I don't believe there was anyone who wasn't. 
So, no, I don't think you have to go or that you should feel bad for not attending.

Anonymous · Answer

Is the rehearsal to be tonight, this Friday?

If you were invited to come to the wedding rehearsal, you should attend.  People don't necessarily have to paired off like Noah's Ark at the rehearsal, but being there would certainly enhance family harmony.  Get the majority of your packing done later, after the rehearsal.  (One secret for a successful vacation:  Take fewer clothes and more money ...)

If it's to be a rehearsal dinner, though, there's the issue of who should pay for your meal if you're not in the wedding party.  In that case it would be okay for you to bow out.  Let the people know, so they don't order a dinner for you.

BBG · Answer

First you said you were his partner.   Then you said you had no role other than being his "date."  

You are trying to play this two ways.    

If you want to be treated with respect as if you are a permanent part of the family and truly his life partner, then you go to the bloody rehearsal dinner.    Life partner means SPOUSE or MARRIED.   

If you're OK with them thinking of you as "just a date" then stay home and pack your bags.  

But don't come back here whining about how come they don't give you, the "partner" as much respect and importance as an actual spouse.  

Are you a life partner or a date?   It doesn't matter what words you use - your behavior will determine what you are.

Puzzler · Answer

This is one of those times when the best man probably does not want to show up alone.  
Everyone else will be 'paired off' and this occasion is all about couples.
The fact that the bride and groom did not consider your travel plans in their schedule is not surprising.  The wedding couple are supposed to be given every consideration on this one occasion (every part of it).  
You might need to start now getting your personal act together so you can free up this rehearsal evening  in favor of those your 'best man' care for.

Anonymous · Answer

If you were invited to the rehearsal dinner, and you accepted, you really can't back out, unless you get sick or there's a serious family emergency.

Anonymous · Answer

Is it bad etiqutte??? Well, you were invited to go to your brother-in-law's wedding rehearsal.
I would say Yes...cuz it is family.

Thanks for asking the question. You want to be in good with family...or as best as possible.

Anonymous · Answer

MAYBE IF YOU TOLD US YOUR ROLE IN THE WEDDING WE COULD HELP YOU. SOME PEOPLE JUST DONT GET IT.

Anonymous · Answer

oh no, that's horrible  :O

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Do I have to go to my brother-in-law's wedding rehearsal?

8 Answers