Could you share your opinion on my poem?

Question

It doesn't have a title & its a "draft" version, but, I'm just looking to improve on my poetry and any logical opinion would be appreciated. Thanks :)

Sweet sensation, 
Every thought swallows me.
Temporary forevers, but I'll be here indeffinentally. 
Giving up control, because I always heard the best things are free. 
The clocks stop, balancing the calm that 
never let's me leave. 

A difference in the world, your mind just as intriguing as your kiss, every moment a relief. 
Feelings I never get to release, from my elated heartbeat, to my nervousness when I speak, I quiver because I've never felt my soul so free. 

The shade to my sun, you still shine down on me.  and the sun's still shining, but you're the only warmth I see. 
In a sea of emotions, there's no where else id rather be, and you could have been anywhere, but you're right here with me. 

The current to my ocean, you naturally take me away.
Steady on this island, paradise can't be that far away.

Alek · Accepted Answer

talent is evident 
good stuff 
I would have liked you to keep the imagery synonymous and not jump from one thing to another 
and structure could be better but nothing major 
Hope my opinions help you.

Exquisite52 · Answer

I believe a wondrous title would be 'Loves Assignation'

I love it as it describes what is like to love as it relates to life in the form of comparisons.  We all imagine love in different forms.  I loved what you said about the ocean as I have written many poems with the ocean as my main source.  I feel you have great potential as a poet and I truly would love to see some more of your work.  Keep up the great work and remember use your talent you have always.

eM-Leigh · Answer

Very deep, I liked it! :)

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Could you share your opinion on my poem?

3 Answers