HOW ABOUT WE TELL JOKES?....tell me a joke.?

So many to choose from !!

A man and his wife have been married for over 50 years and still enjpy an active sex life well into their 70's. However, the man starts to feel like his ability to perform is dwindling. Since sex has played such an important part in the couples success and happiness, he goes to the doctor. After telling the doctor his concerns, the doctor tells him there is a special pill coming out soon and he feels that the man is an excellent type to experiment with this new pill.

The doctor explains, "When you take this pill and feel the time is right, as soon as you swallow it, say 'One, two, three" and boom ! you will have staying power for as long as you want up until a year.

But you can only take one pill per year." The man is thrilled but before he leaves, the doctor adds one stipulation: Again, only one pill a year and if you decide for some reason you want to stop before your year is done, all you have to say is, 'One, two , three, four' and poof !! that's the end of that."

The man cannot wait to get home and decides to surprise his wife. That evening the man and his wife get into bed. As the wife leans over to turn off the bed lamp, she hears her husband say something odd.

Curious, the wife asks, "Honey, why a moment ago did you say, 'One, Two, Three' for ??!!

the gold diggah

guy: hi

girl: leave me alone

guy: i'm rich

girl: oh really? hi!

guy: :)

girl: where's ur convertible :)

guy: i'm not rich my name is rich

the dilemma

father and son in a boat slowly sinking

son: dad i'm so worried!

father: what r u so worried about? the boat's not ours.

barrack obama

Barrack Obama disembarked from a plane flight and was met by a reporter who asked: Sir what do you think of the economy?

Obama: I dunno, I was seated in the first class

teacher and student

student: would u get mad at me for something i didn't do?

teacher: no of course not

student: okay i didn't do my homework

the 2 hobos

there were 2 hobos walking down the street

hobo 1: look there's poop you might step on it

hobo 2: that's not poop

hobo1: why don't we taste it to make sure?

they both licked it

hobo 2: oh u were right it is poop

hobo1: yeah it's a good things u didn't step on it

blonde joke

there were a group of blondes heading to a bar. a blonde saw a sign and read: above 18 only. she told her friends to leave. another blonde asked why. she replied a signboard says above 18 only and there's only 16 of us here.

potato

3 robbers were being chased by the police

A robber: why don't we hide inside those sacks over there?

then they all hid in the three sacks

the cop saw the sacks and kicked the first one

A robber; moew moew

cop: oh it's just a cat

the cop kicked the second sack

B robber: woof! woof!

cop: oh it's just a dog

the cop kicked the last sack

there was no response.

he kicked even harder but still there was no response

he kicked even way harder

C robber: i'm a potato!

grandma

grandson: grandma when did u last had a kiss?

grandma: 1955

grandson: oh such a very long time

grandma: no not really (looks at the watch) it's still 20:55.

a dying husband

wife: before u die i want to tell u something first

husband: don't worry we'll meet again

wife: but...

hussband: shh

wife: i cheated on u

husband: i know that, that's why i poisoned u

Q- why did the skeleton go to the movie theatre by itself?

A- because he had no body to go with him

Q- what did the coke can say to the pepsi cola?

A- were soft drinks

Ok I've got a few

1. This one maybe is a little adult, but made me crack up sooo hard!:

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love, the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent #$%&^*%," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . you explain the kids."

2. A dying Mother was telling her daughter what she was going to give her.

Mom: I have a very big farm and over 21,000,000 dollars

Daughter: where's the farm?

Mom: facebook.

3. Little Johnny's teacher told the class to go home and find something interesting to tell the class for the next day. The next day when the teacher told Johnny to tell his story, he went up to the blackboard and drew a period. The teacher asked Johnny what was so interesting about a period. Johnny stood up and replied "I don't know, but this morning when my sister said she missed one, mom fainted, dad fell down the stairs, and the guy next door shot himself!"

4. . so there's this guy and he belives his wife is cheating on him, so he desides to catch them in the act

so, he reaturns to his apartment early, rushes up to the 12th floor, slams the door open and rushes inside yelling "WHERE IS HE??"

the wife looks confused and answers "where's who?"

suddently the husband see's a guy outside his window and says "AHA!!", he runs over, smashes the window and pushes the guy down.

the guy falls 12 stories down.. BUT HE'S STILL ALIVE!!!

the husband get's so mad... that he takes his refrigerator and throws it after the poor guy

suddently he realizes what he had just done... and commits suicide by jumping out the building himself

OK. so, in heaven there's this secretary who keeps track oh who died and how.

the first guy comes in and secretary asks how he died

the man replies "u won't belive it! i was washing a window on the 13th floor, when i suddently slipped, luckily i managed to grab hold on the window below. AND THEN THIS CRAZY GUY SMASHES THE WINDOW AND PUSHES ME OUT! i fall 12 stories... but i'm still alive! AND THEN THIS REFRIGERATOR COMES OUT OF NOWHERE!"

the schocked secretary replies "u poor man!"

soooo.. the 2nd guy comes in and the secretary askes how he died

the man replies "well... u see, i thought my wife was cheating on me, and i wanted to catch the bastard. so, when i saw the bastard out of the window, i lost my sences and smashed the window and pushed the guy out. HE FELL 12 STORIES... BUT HE WAS STILL ALIVE! i got so mad, that i took a refrigerator and threw it after him. i then realized what i had done... and commited suicide by jumping out of the window.

the amazed secretary manages to reply "welcome... i guess"

sooooo.. the 3rd guy comes in

the secretary asks "so, how did YOU die??"

and the man relies "u won't belive it, i was standing naked in a refrigerator..."

Hope these made you laugh :)

Would Obama look good with dredlocks?