Advice on leaving my husband?

Question

I have been thinking about leaving my husband for some time now. I'm just not happy with him. I will highlight a few of the reasons:

-He refuses to bathe or wipe after going to the bathroom. This started about 2 years ago. He was in a depression at the time over losing his job so I put up with it. Now he just doesn't care. He was actually fired from his new job because of his odor.

-He refuses to save money. We are behind on our bills because he spends his entire check in a matter of days.

-He puts his family before me. He tells them all about our fights so they hate me. He is always loaning them money we don't have (like recently he gave his sister $120 despite me begging him not to).

-He has no desire for a physical relationship/We no longer talk. 

I recently got a new job in a new city. Its about an hour from where we are at. I really want to start a life there, on my own. Since we have no money saved up, I will need to stay here (as I have absolutely no other place to stay, I have tried) until I can save up money to move. 

Should I tell him I want to leave? I've been trying to help us get back on the right track. I've suggested we try counseling or set up a date night each week but he doesn't care. I'm just not happy and I feel like he's dragging me down. I just need advice as I have no one else to turn to.

Jayda · Accepted Answer

Yes, you should leave. You offered counseling and he just doesn't care. That should be a big red flag in itself, but to add insult to injury, he should never be giving family that kind of money if you guys don't really have the money to give them. The fact that he didn't listen and gave his sister money anyway just shows that he doesn't respect your opinion. As far as the physical relationship, well count your lucky stars because I damn sure wouldn't want to be physical with someone who can't wipe their own a$$.

As far as telling him: why would you? The only reason you should even give him advance warning is if you think you really want to still work on this marriage. If not, then I suggest just telling him that you are unhappy and don't see much of a future together, but don't give him the chance to talk you out of a move. Save your money and make sure he knows nothing about it. Get yourself on your own two feet without letting on to him that you're planning on moving.

Sreeraman · Answer

Just do not take an abrupt decision.  Try to consult some good psychiatrist and if that is also not possible, then only try to have a separation.  Mental depression causes many traumas one at times, one may not be able control. In my opinion, you should have understood all this when he had the problems at the initial stage. Now also, time is not gone.  Best of luck.

Fran UK Man · Answer

Men don't confide to counsellors. They are third party outsiders and have no business prying into your personal affairs even if their motives are professional. I would move and tell him. Sounds like you are not happy.

Kittysue · Answer

If you can't move don't say anything yet. Get your own bank account, start saving as much money as you can, then when you can afford your own place move out

? · Answer

My dear friend,just leave him at once.Just forget to inform him.Do not waste your time on convincing him about counselling.

? · Answer

I'm sure there are some legal services that can help you.

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Advice on leaving my husband?

6 Answers