what do you think by having made this statement of painful revelation?

c.s.lewis, after having lost his wife; joy; american poetess - (prematurely) - to cancer - wrote in his journal: "i never knew that grief, could feel so much like fear."

c.s.lewis, throughout his life had tried his best to avoid what emotionally would make him experience suffering. such pain he did not want to have to deal with - however, joy; a poetess of much enthusiasm - who wore her raw, courageous heart on her sleeve - taught him, despite his fierce resistance to allow himself to feel...otherwise, why live at all.

after her unexpected death - he discovered that through her help, which was untiringly challenged to him - and always!!! - that feeling had caught to infiltrate him, nevertheless.

it was a while, after her death, that he was not as numb as he had been while in mourning - therefore making the entry: "i never knew that grief - could feel so much like fear."

what revelation at which he'd arrived - compelled him to write this?

what is he saying?

thank you.

p.s. - no, i am not imitating e.e.lewis - by writing in small case - my computer continuously jams and freezes if capitals are used. sorry!