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Tempted to break up with my gf of 3 years please help me!?
Okay before all of you jump on me like "you're such a jerk she deserves better" please hear me out. I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now and everything is perfect but one thing. She's really overweight. I'm at the point now where I am really just not sexually attracted to her. When we first met, I was pretty overweight but I started working out so a healthy lifestyle is becoming something very important to me, and i've done everything i could do to encourage her to do the same
I've tried getting her to eat healthy and encouraging her to workout for years. I've been nice about it, given her time, dealt with her excuses. She will workout for like 3 days and quit, she won't even try the eating healthy thing any more.
She gives me 100's of excuses on why she can't, money, healthy food is expensive etc. but now things are getting better. we're both going to college and getting an apartment together next semester. In this apartment she should have zero excuses not to get into shape, money will practically not be an issue and I am only allowing healthy foods in the house. I feel that if after a year she doesn't make decent progress I am going to break up with her. I've spoken to her about this and she gives more excuses but says she'll try on her terms.
i love her personality and career ambition, but i feel guilty b/c im sexually attracted to and surrounded by females that are in shape. i've been tempted to cheat on her over the years, but i have never cheated and don't think i morally could go through with it. I seriously would marry this girl in a heartbeat if it weren't for the weight
i honestly don't see myself with anyone else in this lifetime, and i really am trying to work with her, i would've left this relationship a LONG time ago if it was just about looks.
So I was thinking if i don't see much progress after 2-3 months of moving in together I would give her a timeline "if you don't lose X pounds/inches in X amount of time then i'm leaving" i know it sounds like a douchebag move but by that time we will be going on 3.5 years together. Like i said, if she would just show just a little bit effort i would have no problem marrying this girl.
is this a good approach or should i try something else?
3 Answers
- 9 years agoFavorite Answer
I wouldn't move in with her if you don't think that she can change, because moving in with her will only make the break up even harder on both of you. Tell her honestly what you think and explain to her all the times and effort you have put into helping her become a healthier person. I believe this isn't completely about looks because you would have left. If you tell her that she needs to lose them or your relationship is over your ending it right there. No girl in their right mind would want to be with someone who says that to them. Just be encouraging and do more dates where you need to do exercise. Like walking, hiking going on bike rides that way she will want to be in better shape so she can do things with you. Mind you don't make anything too hard or she will become discouraged. Take it slow, she'll get there. If you really do love her and she really does love you then she will work at it if it's something you really want, and give her something in return Give her presents, or take her out somewhere special when she looses the first 5, 10, 20 pounds! Celebrate it will make her feel all that much better! Best of luck to both of you!
Also explain to her about how you thought about cheating, but didn't because you care about her so much and you really see yourself marrying her in the future. That will make the earlier talk seem a lot more meaningful and less hurtful. It might be a bumpy ride but she can do it!
- 5 years ago
Don't exchange schools. Go as much as a reflect, appear into it and to find one feature you rather like. Don't think about what anyone else would consider about that function, consider about what you love. You and you on my own in my view like about your face. Then highlight that feature. Colossal large eyes? Get out the eyeliner. Wonderful dermis tone? Wash your face extra typically to get the entire competencies out of it. Lips that are not chapped or a excellent color of red? Dab on some lip gloss to let the typical beauty shine. Then go to college, and at any time when you suppose inferior, recall, you could have bought a best... Something you make a decision that you like. And the fellow. Simply focus on what you are excellent at. Are you able to play volleyball? Write poetry? Sing? Simply pour yourself into your skill and remember, he did not see the wonder in what you can do, so he's lacking out, no longer you. It is his fault that all this magnificence is going unappreciated. Hold your chin up. I'm severely obese myself and could stand to lose about fifty kilos. All of us have flaws. Trust me, you're a more gorgeous character on the inside than he deserves.
