What is your Opinion on this?

Question

Been with this guy for a year and a half, i left him because i couldn't deal with the pressure of school and how serious the relationship got, plus i wasn't sure how i felt about him anymore.  About 2 months after the breakup, he went to a party and kissed a girl i thought he liked(i was friends with too) during our relationship and another girl who liked him during our relationship and whom i used to be best friends with. Before this, he has asked me not to date/kiss any people that he was good friends with until he was over me, so you can see the irony. We had a long emotional talk about it and he says he still likes me so much and hates being without me, he got really upset at how hurt i was about the party. i was reconsidering whether i wanted to be with him before i found out about the party which changed how i look at him so much. 

Despite what i've said he's one of the best guys i could be with, but i don't know if i could be with him now after all this even though there are still some feelings there. I know for sure that i couldn't commit to a full-on relationship either, i would need to feel free but i don't know if this could work if our feelings for each other are quite different...

Please give your opinion and be very honest.

Josie · Accepted Answer

This one sounds really tough. It's hard to let go of someone you feel really close to.

When I had broken up with my last ex, it took me a few months to muster up the courage. The thing that helped me most? It was a list. I know how silly that sounds, but it honestly works. I wrote "Reasons to Stay" on one side, and "Reasons to Go" on the other. 

The "Reasons to Go" side outweighed the other side. It really helps seeing the options and reasons right in front of you.

That's my advice, good luck :)

Anonymous · Answer

Relationships are never easy with anyone so its not like you are alone in thinking all of this. My opinion is that the long emotional talk you had must of relieved you in some way, to know that he still cares about you and wants to be with you and around you, He got emotional when hearing he upset you about kissing that girl at a party and I think that was the moment when he was telling you he was deeply sorry and that he admitted that he did something wrong. Sometimes showing your feelings can also show how sorry they are without actually saying something.  Even know I know we always prefer hearing when a guy is sorry.  :)

But if you care about him still, and you knows he cares a lot for you and that you were good together when you were once together then I think trying to work past this problem is the best way forward. He did contradict himself, but he didn't cheat did he? so I think you should give him a chance and give things another go. BUT make things clear, if he says he cares for you as much as you do him that you want him to respect you, to take care of you, and to treat you right...also reassure him that you will do the same for him.

I wish you good luck with whatever you decide :)

Nancy · Answer

It seems to me that the only reason you want him back is because he kissed someone else.  It is silly and childish to set up guidelines, such as, don't kiss soneone after we break up until you are over me....see the negative spin on that?  It already doomed the relationship.  It's childish.

Look, you are probably right to go with your gut in the first place -- you are too busy to be in a relationship --  chances are you are young and you need to focus on your own life right now, not what he's doing.

I don't think it was any of your business what he did at that party, or what he does from now on, for that matter. You wanted my opinion, so there it is. You broke up with him and he decided to move on.  He has that right.  That doesn't mean that he doesn't think about you -- it's only been two months since you broke off -- but..would you rather he sit around and cry?

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What is your Opinion on this?

3 Answers